Hit your stride with these dad jokes. They’re too good not to share! Sometimes, fathers can say the darndest things. But, in the big picture, there’s still something really comforting about their type of corny humor.
Grimace if needed, groan if you can’t keep it inside, but ultimately you probably love the effort. Look, he’s trying to make you smile even if he fails 90% of the time.
Enjoy these. You’re certain to enjoy a few chuckles (and groans) by the time you get to the end.
Best Dad Jokes
Dad jokes require a certain level of finesse, but these jokes roll off the tongue with little effort. After all, they combine a level of wordplay and pun mastery that few people can pull off, so enjoy!
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All of the fans left.
What did the dad say when his son asked if he got a haircut?
He said, no I got them all cut.
What happened when the boy asked if his dad could put his shoes on?
He said, no, he doesn’t think they’ll fit him.
Funny Dad Jokes
Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks?
Mini-soda.
Why did the man stop his origami business?
Because it folded.
If you see a robbery in an Apple store does that make you an iWitness?
Why did the man hate the movie about the earthquake?
Because it had so many faults.
What did the girl say when she dropped her piece of gum on the floor?
I guess it wasn’t mint to be.
Why did the dad tell his family to avoid sushi?
Because he said that it was a little fishy.
If you tell dad jokes but have no children, what are you?
A faux pa.
Check out Happy Father’s Day Captions
Cheesy Humor for Fathers
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, I won’t tell it because it’s just tearable.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
It has really great food, but there’s no atmosphere.
Why did the cookie cry?
Because his father was a wafer so long.
How do hair stylists speed up their job?
They take shortcuts.
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Live stream.
What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
Punch.
More Cheesy Jokes.
Dad Jokes Meme
Bad Dad Jokes
What is a dad’s favorite thing to eat at the movies?
Popcorn.
How can you tell a dogwood tree from an elm tree?
From its bark!
Wanna hear a joke about construction?
Wait, I’m still working on it.
Why couldn’t the kid stop reading the book about anti-gravity?
Because he said that it was impossible to put down.
What’s the opposite of irony?
Wrinkly.
What did the man say in the elevator about the operator?
This job really has its ups and downs.
I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.
Why didn’t the comedian share his chemistry joke?
Because he was afraid he wouldn’t get a reaction.
Why don’t fathers wear sunglasses?
Because they only wear dad glasses.
Check out: Bad Jokes From Fathers.
Corny Jokes Meme
Good Humor for Pops
What kind of shoes does a thief wear?
Sneakers.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
I’m not going to spread it.
What did the bartender say to the jumper cable at the bar?
I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.
What did the woman leave the seafood disco last week?
Because she pulled a mussel.
Where can you get chicken broth in bulk?
The stock market.
What do you call a man with no nose and nobody?
No body nose.
What did the man say about his sick cat?
He doesn’t think it’s feline well.
Why do we need geometry?
Because life is pointless without it.
How can you tell that a train just went by?
It leaves its tracks.
Dad named our dogs Rolex and Timex because he wanted watchdogs.
Great, Corny Jokes. Is that an oxymoron?
A Few Laughs
A five-dollar bill walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey this is a singles bar.”
Why couldn’t the woman ever lose weight?
Because she said it keeps finding her.
Why is the athlete playing soccer?
Because he’s just doing it for kicks.
Why did the man stop working his job at a shoe recycling shop?
Because it was sole destroying.
Where did the one-legged waitress work?
At IHOP.
What happened when the two antennas got married?
They had a great wedding and reception.
Why didn’t the man get any camouflage trousers the other day?
Because he couldn’t find any.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.
Why don’t honest people need beds?
They don’t lie.
What did the boat say to the pier?
What’s up, dock?
Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle.
Dad decided to sell our vacuum cleaner. He said it was just gathering dust.
Short Dad Riddles
What did the mountain climber name his son?
Cliff.
What happened when the boy asked his dad to make him a sandwich?
His dad said, poof, now you’re a sandwich.
How do you make a steak pun?
Medium well done.
Why is milk the fastest liquid on earth?
It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
Why don’t ants ever get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
What do you call a poppa candy?
A sugar daddy.
What did the light bulb say to its mother?
I wuv you watts and watts.
Punny Jokes
How much did the man charge for his batteries today?
Nothing, they were free of charge.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
What did the painter say to the wall?
Don’t worry, I got you covered.
What do you get when you cross a mouse with a squid?
An eektopus.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What is a good password that’s eight characters long?
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
The flag is a big plus.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Can February March?
No, but April May.
What do you call milk that comes from cows with their eyes closed?
Concentrated milk.
I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
One-Liners
- If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.
- I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
- Every night at 11:11, I make a wish that someone will come to fix my broken clock.
- I’m not indecisive unless you want me to be.
- I once walked in on my parents while they were in bed. But they were asleep, so I left.
- I want to see something with a clothed eye.
- Pennies are a dime a dozen.
- I don’t like relationships. I get seasick.
- From my point of view, all I can see is a point.
- I once saw a court stenographer transcribe a mime’s testimony.
- I once painted a self-portrait of someone else.
- I’m just itching to tell you about my allergies.
- On the sunny side of the street, it’s a little bit warmer.
- I once found a needle beside a haystack.
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the father of four, an author, and founder of Greeting Card Poet.
Etcetera
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