Bad Dad Jokes
Bad dad jokes can make everyone in the audience’s eyes roll. The attempts at humor are either not funny or painfully obvious. Either way, they can be a direct attack on the comedic universe.
On the one hand, you’re rooting for them to work, but on the other hand, you’re cringing when they come out of your father’s mouth.
Fathers don’t want to tell a bad joke, but somehow, they can’t help themselves. It’s the dad’s instinct to embarrass their children if just for a small chortle.
Sometimes you have to try not to laugh, but that shouldn’t be a problem in this case. Yes, they’re corny, and the happy delivery helps make them even more wholesome and cute. When a dad smiles broadly and says, “When is a door not a door,” and follows up with the punchline, “When it’s ajar.”
You can’t help but smile a little bit. But you’re also probably thinking that your father is using up a lot of goodwill he earned through the years. Have fun reading and telling these serious stinkers.
Really Bad Dad Jokes
1.) Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy.
2.) What do you do when a sink is knocking at your door? You let that sink in.
3.) A horse goes into a bar, and the bartender says, “Why such a long face?”
4.) Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
5.) Did you hear about the venomous snake that died? It bit itself on the tongue.
6.) What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
7.) Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words. (Check out our 137 Buzzworthy Bee Puns page.)
8.) A plumber was killed. He went down the drain.
9.) Did you hear about the new movie “Constipation?” No? Well, probably because it hasn’t come out yet.
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10.) What is the difference between two and three? One.
11.) My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad. I had to take his bike away.
12.) Two guys walk into a bar and the third guy ducks.
13.) If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?
14.) What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
15.) If you die before someone else, does that mean you’ve beaten them to death?
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Messed Up Jokes
16.) A man tried to sell his guitar collection but couldn’t. Too many strings attached.
17.) Why was the broom late for the meeting? It over swept.
18.) What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
19.) Did you hear the joke about the king? It ruled.
20.) I had to get rid of my vacuum. All it was doing was collecting dust.
21.) What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tune a fish.
See Father’s Day quotes, messages, and dad jokes on our Father’s Day Main Page.
22.) The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. To say the least, it was tense.
23.) What did the spicy tuna sushi A say to the yellowtail sushi B? Wasa-bi.
24.) My uncle Jim named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re his watchdogs.
25.) Why do vampires believe anything you tell them? Because they’re just suckers.
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Dad Joke of the Day
26.) A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Sorry, we don’t serve food here, ” the bartender replies. So, the ham sandwich walked out of the bar.
27.) Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
28.) What do you call a mac n’ cheese that is standing in your personal space? Too close for comfort food.
29.) Where do cows go on a first date? To the moovies.
30.) What type of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
31.) What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
32.) Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.
33.) I like telling dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.
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Clean Dad Jokes
34.) What is a cannibal’s first choice in a restaurant? The waiter.
35.) When boats get sick, they go to the dock.
36.) The dyslexic dog thought he was God.
37.) When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
38.) Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
39.) What kind of clothes does a house wear? Address!
40.) Why do ghosts love elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
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Terrible Dad Jokes
We’ve all heard them, the well-worn pun, the ditzy set-up, and the horrible punch line. The overall effect puts us in that “here we go again” mode. Every well-meaning dad has a bunch of these bad one-liners tucked in the crevices of his mind, ready to be marched out at a moment’s notice. We’ve jotted down some of the best of the bad.
41.) At a Halloween party, a witch rolled her eyes at a vampire. He just rolled them back.
42.) What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? “Oh, sheet!”
43.) A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar. The judge asked her, “Are you a first offender?” She replied, “No, first with a Rickenbacker, then with a Fender.”
44.) What do you call a wizard that has run out of spells? A was-ard.
45.) You can trust people with big butts. They cannot lie.
46.) Why did the golfer change his socks? Because he got a hole-in-one.
47.) What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too young to be smoking.
48.) Where do Volkswagens go when they get old? The old Volks home.
49.) What do you call someone who never passes gas in public? A private tutor.
50.) Spring is here. I got so excited I wet my plants.
51.) I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later; call me Dad.
52.) What did one dish say to the other dish? “Dinner is on me.”
See our 301 Funny Dad Jokes page.
Hilarious Dad Jokes
53.) My friend got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
54.) What kind of farm grows bad dad jokes? Corny.
55.) Today, I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
56.) How do you create a space-themed party? You planet.
57.) What did the lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit.
58.) I’m not a big fan of stairs. They’re always up to something.
Funny Bad Jokes from Fathers
Sometimes a bad dad joke can be like scraping your fingernails on a chalkboard. You know you will have to listen until the end, which could mean suffering through a bouncy set-up that ends with a bad punch line.
It’s like being waterboarded. You just want it to stop. You can read these or put on a blindfold now. It’s your choice.
59.) There’s a guy I know who’s spreading a rumor about butter.
60.) Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long.
61.) Our wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers!
62.) What did one bean say to the other bean? How you bean?
63.) What is an empty jar of Cheez Wiz™ called? Cheese Was!
64.) I was sitting in traffic the other day, probably why I got run over.
65.) Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she kept running from the ball.
66.) What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
67.) Diarrhea runs in our family. It’s in our jeans.
Cheesy Dad Jokes
68.) Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
69.) I might have an open casket funeral… It remains to be seen.
70.) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
71.) What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Here, tractor, tractor, tractor, here, tractor, tractor, tractor.”
72.) Dry-erase boards are remarkable.
73.) Did you hear the dad joke about the grape that got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
74.) My mom is frustrated with my sense of direction. So, I packed up my things and right.
75.) How do you make holy water? You boil the heqq out of it.
76.) If your kid refuses to sleep during nap time, can they be charged with resisting a rest?
77.) I’m reading a book on anti-gravity… it’s impossible to put down.
78.) What do you call birds who all stick together? Vel-crows.
79.) I can’t stop eating cheddar cheese, but it’s only mild.
80.) My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
81.) I told my doctor it hurts when I do this. He said, “Don’t do that.”
82.) What did the finger say to the thumb? “I’m in glove with you.”
83.) Why wouldn’t the lobster share his toys? Because he was shellfish.
84.) Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
85.) What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.
Best Dad Jokes
86.) I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless!
87.) If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
88.) Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
89.) Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
90.) Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
91.) Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Best Bad Dad Jokes
92.) What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
93.) How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
94.) What do frogs use to track their exercise? Fit (rib)bits.
95.) Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France?
97.) What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two! They were cooked in Greece.
98.) What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
Short Bad Dad Jokes
99.) How does the moon cut his hair?” “Eclipse it.
100.) Can February March? No, but April May!
101.) What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
102.) Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
103.) What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.
104.) What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
105.) What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
106.) Why did the cashier rip a $20 bill in half? She was asked to break a bill.
107.) Would you like the milk in a bag? No, just leave it in the carton.
108.) What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad!
109.) Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back for seconds.
110.) I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “This changes everything.”
111.) Never trust stairs. They are always up to something.
112.) Son: Can I watch TV? Father: Yes, but you cannot turn it on.
113.) Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Everything is fine. The child woke up.
114.) England doesn’t have a kidney bank. But it does have a Liverpool.
115.) Where did Washington keep his armies? Up his sleeves!
116.) What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
117.) Did you hear about the dog owner who spilled spot remover on his dog? The dog is gone.
Corny Dad Jokes
118.) Do you think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
119.) It’s a small world, after all. But I wouldn’t want to paint it.
120.) Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
121.) What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
122.) Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
123.) How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
124.) What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
125.) Where do electric cords go shopping? The outlet mall.
126.) Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally.
127.) Why is there a gate around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
Painfully Bad Dad Jokes
128.) What kind of tree fits inside your hand? A palm tree.
129.) Why does Waldo wear striped shirts? He doesn’t want to be spotted.
130.) How did the cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.
131.) What do you call a sleeping T-Rex? A dino-snore!
132.) Why did the photo go to jail? It was framed.
133.) How do you flirt with bakers? Bring ’em flours!
134.) How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker her face.
135.) Why did the bank robber jump in the shower? He wanted a clean getaway.
136.) Why are elephants wrinkly? Have you ever tried to iron one?
137.) What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bell-hop.
138.) Why do bees have sticky hair? They use a honeycomb!
139.) Did you hear about the two burglars who made off with a calendar? They each got six months.
140.) What do you call a coffee robbery? A mugging.
Humor From Our Fathers
141.) Why did the radish blush? It saw the salad dressing.
142.) What did the ocean say to the sand? Nothing, it just waved.
143.) Several books fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf.
144.) Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
145.) What rock group features four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore!
146.) What do you call a belt with a clock on it? A waist of time!
147.) What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don’t look; I’m changing.
148.) What do you call a cow when it’s on a trampoline? A milkshake.
149.) My horse’s name is Mayo. My, how Mayo neighs!
150.) What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
151.) What do you call a lazy kangaroo kid? A pouch potato!
152.) Where do mice go if they lose a tail? Any retail store.
153.) Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
154.) Son: Did you hear that alligators can grow up to 18 feet? Dad: I always understood they usually have just four.
155.) Why are teddy bears never hungry? They’re always stuffed!
156.) What does the dentist of the year receive? A little plaque.
157.) Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii? Or is it just a low ha?
158.) What do you call a bee hive without an exit? Unbelievable!
159.) How does a cereal pay its invoices? With Chex.
160.) Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
161.) What’s blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
162.) What has five fingers, and isn’t your hand? My hand.
163.) My doctor informed me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
Ridiculously Bad Dad Jokes
164.) I’m addicted to collecting Beatles albums. I need Help.
165.) How do fish go into business? They start on a small scale.
166.) What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
167.) What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
168.) Where did the scream come from in the kitchen? Your mother was beating the eggs.
169.) Why did the orange stop when crossing the road? It ran out of juice.
170.) Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
171.) Why was the pretzel factory worker canned? He tried to straighten things out one too many times.
172.) What animal is gray and has a trunk? A mouse on vacation.
173.) What happens to old tires? They are retired.
Where Did Dad Jokes Come From?
No one knows who first started telling dad jokes, but the theory goes that it started in the middle ages when kings would sit down with their princely sons and tell jokes to try and cheer them up. The first time the term “dad joke” was used on the internet was in 2003.
It received the ubiquitous Urban Dictionary definition but didn’t gain some notice until 2013. It became a common search term, and people embraced its usage, and it was all over the media. President Obama often used dad jokes (to the chagrin of Sasha, Malia, and Michelle), including when pardoning Thanksgiving.
Although it seems that dad jokes are a relatively new phenomenon, they were mentioned in 1987 by author Jim Kalbaugh in the Gettysburg Times as a specific genre of jokes. It is tough to say when the first dad joke was told and by whom. However, dad jokes have been around for a long time in one form or another.
Bad dad jokes may have hit their peak of popularity, but it’s a sure bet that they were being told in the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s. Dad jokes rely on wordplay, puns, and tricky punchlines that seem to come out of nowhere. These are all tactics that Shakespeare used in his plays.
A well-prepared dad has a bunch of dad jokes up his sleeve. They could be good jokes, or they could be bad jokes. But they’re all designed to make you guffaw and groan.
What makes a Dad joke?
When is a dad joke a dad joke? When it’s apparent! (Bam! We hit you with a dad joke when you’re not ready.)
Some bad dad jokes can be funny. But a terrible dad joke can be painful as well. Sure, some of them are cheesy, and some feature bad puns, but the jokes, for the most part, are harmless and well-intentioned. I told with gusto the joke might get a laugh but don’t bet on it.
The bad dad jokes we’ve assembled here are truly the bottom of the joke barrel. Dads love to tell these kinds of jokes to see the grimaces on their loved ones’ faces. So, sit back, have fun, and toss caution to the wind as you enjoy these bad dad jokes.
By Tim Moodie
Tim Moodie is a proud Dad. Early in his career as a freelance writer, he ghostwrote jokes for a book author who would tell them on her promotional book tours. Tim is a Copywriter and Creative Director.
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