Funny Dad Jokes
Hit your stride with these funny dad jokes. They’re too good not to share! Sometimes, fathers can say the darndest things. But, in the big picture, there’s still something really comforting about their type of corny humor.
Grimace if needed, groan if you can’t keep it inside, but ultimately you probably love the effort. Look, he’s trying to make you smile even if he fails 90% of the time.
You’re certain to enjoy a few chuckles (and groans) by the time you get to the end. Enjoy!
Best Dad Jokes
Dad jokes require a certain level of finesse, but these jokes roll off the tongue with little effort. After all, they combine a level of wordplay and pun mastery that few people can pull off, so enjoy!
1.) What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
2.) What did the dad say when his son asked if he got a haircut?
He said, no, I got them all cut.
3.) Wanna hear a joke about construction?
Wait, I’m still working on it.
4.) What do you call a man with no nose and nobody?
5.) Why did the man stop his origami business?
Because it folded.
Funny Dad Jokes
6.) If you see a robbery in an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
7.) If you tell dad jokes but have no children, what are you?
A faux pa.
8.) What did the girl say when she dropped her piece of gum on the floor?
I guess it wasn’t mint to be.
9.) Why did the dad tell his family to avoid sushi?
Because he said that it was a little fishy.
10.) What happened when the two antennas got married?
They had an okay wedding but a great reception.
Check out Happy Father’s Day Captions
Cheesy Humor for Fathers
11.) Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, I won’t tell it because it’s just tearable.
12.) What do you call a fake noodle?
13.) Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
It has really great food, but there’s no atmosphere.
14.) Why did the cookie cry?
Because his father was a wafer so long.
15.) How do hair stylists speed up their job?
They take shortcuts.
16.) What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
17.) What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
More Cheesy Jokes.
Dad Jokes Meme
Bad Dad Jokes
18.) What is a dad’s favorite thing to eat at the movies?
19.) How can you tell a dogwood tree from an elm tree?
From its bark!
20.) What happened when the boy asked if his dad could put his shoes on?
He said no, he doesn’t think they’ll fit him.
21.) Why couldn’t the kid stop reading the book about anti-gravity?
Because he said that it was impossible to put down.
22.) What’s the opposite of irony?
Check out our Father’s Day HQ.
Cheesiest Dad Jokes
23.) What did the man say in the elevator about the operator?
This job really has its ups and downs.
24.) I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.
25.) Why didn’t the comedian share his chemistry joke?
Because he was afraid he wouldn’t get a reaction.
26.) Why don’t fathers wear sunglasses?
Because they only wear dad glasses.
Check out: Bad Dad Jokes.
Hilarious Dad Joke Meme
Good Humor for Pops
27.) What kind of shoes does a thief wear?
28.) Did you hear the rumor about butter?
I’m not going to spread it.
29.) What did the bartender say to the jumper cable at the bar?
I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.
30.) What did the woman leave the seafood disco last week?
Because she pulled a mussel.
31.) Where can you get chicken broth in bulk?
The stock market.
32.) Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks?
33.) What did the man say about his sick cat?
He doesn’t think it’s feline well.
34.) Why do we need geometry?
Because life is pointless without it.
35.) How can you tell that a train just went by?
It leaves its tracks.
36.) Dad named our dogs Rolex and Timex because he wanted watchdogs.
Great, Corny Jokes. Is that an oxymoron?
A Few Laughs
37.) A five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, this is a singles bar.”
38.) Why couldn’t the woman ever lose weight?
Because she said, it keeps finding her.
39.) Why is the athlete playing soccer?
Because he’s just doing it for kicks.
40.) Why did the man stop working his job at a shoe recycling shop?
Because it was sole destroying.
41.) Where did the one-legged waitress work?
42.) Why did the man hate the movie about the earthquake?
Because it had so many faults.
43.) Why didn’t the man get any camouflage trousers the other day?
Because he couldn’t find any.
44.) What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.
45.) Why don’t honest people need beds?
They don’t lie.
46.) What did the boat say to the pier?
What’s up, dock?
47.) Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle.
48.) Dad decided to sell our vacuum cleaner. He said it was just gathering dust.
Short Dad Riddles
49.) What did the mountain climber name his son?
50.) What happened when the boy asked his dad to make him a sandwich?
His dad said, poof, now you’re a sandwich.
51.) How do you make a steak pun?
Medium well done.
52.) Why is milk the fastest liquid on earth?
It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
53.) Why don’t ants ever get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
54.) What do you call poppy candy?
55.) What did the light bulb say to its mother?
I wuv you watts and watts.
56.) Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems.
Play on Words
57.) How much did the man charge for his batteries today?
Nothing, they were free of charge.
58.) How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
59.) What did the painter say to the wall?
Don’t worry; I got you covered.
60.) What do you get when you cross a mouse with a squid?
61.) How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
62.) What is a good password that’s eight characters long?
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
63.) What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
The flag is a big plus.
64.) What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
65.) Can February March?
No, but April May.
66.) What do you call milk that comes from cows with their eyes closed?
67.) If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
68.) I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
69.) I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
70.) I’m not indecisive unless you want me to be.
71.) I once walked in on my parents while they were in bed. But they were asleep, so I left.
72.) I want to see something with a clothed eye.
73.) Pennies are a dime a dozen.
74.) I once saw a court stenographer transcribe a mime’s testimony.
75.) I once painted a self-portrait of someone else.
76.) I’m just itching to tell you about my allergies.
77.) On the sunny side of the street, it’s a little bit warmer.
78.) I once found a needle beside a haystack.
79.) A pony with a cough is just a little horse.
80.) I don’t like relationships. I get seasick.
81.) From my point of view, all I can see is a point.
82.) My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don’t see the point.
83.) The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
84.) Did you hear about the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze?
85.) Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they’re making headlines!
86.) Every night at 11:11, I make a wish that someone will come to fix my broken clock.
Awesome Dad Jokes
Here are some funny dad jokes you’re sure to put to use.
87.) How do you protect a bagel?
Lox it up!
88.) A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, Sorry, we don’t serve food here.
89.) A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. That’s one too many! says the customer. The clerk replies It’s a freebie.
90.) Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All of the fans left.
91.) What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
92.) A cheese factory exploded in France.
Da brie is everywhere!
93.) Dad said I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
94.) Doctor, I swallowed a golf ball.
I can see it’s fairway down there.
95.) Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they golf?
In case they get a hole-in-one!
96.) How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the utter.
97.) What race is never run?
A swimming race.
Dumb Dad Jokes
98.) What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
99.) How do celebrities keep cool?
They have many fans.
100.) Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
101.) What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
102.) Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
103.) Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C.
104.) Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
105.) What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Dad Jokes That Are Not Unfunny
106.) Why do frogs never park illegally?
They are afraid of getting toad.
107.) What do baseball players eat their food on?
108.) I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh.
Sadly, no-pun-in-10 did.
109.) Everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don’t talk rubbish.
110.) Why is basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor.
111.) Why do nurses like red crayons?
Because they have to draw blood.
112.) How much do I love BLTs?
From my head tomatoes.
113.) Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.
114.) How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
115.) I’ve been preaching to folks about the importance of eating dried grapes.
You know, raisen awareness.
116.) Why did the dog jump into the lake?
Because it was a hot dog.
117.) I received an email about how to read maps backward.
It was spam.
118.) Stop getting mad at lazy people.
They didn’t do anything.
119.) Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I’m not joking, but he is.
120.) The local auto shop is giving away dead batteries.
Free of charge.
121.) I write all of my dad jokes myself.
122.) What do you call a garden gnome who travels the world?
Humor from Pops
123.) The butler flipped the table.
How the tables turn.
124.) I don’t mind algebra,
but geometry is where I draw the line.
125.) What do you call a sick pony?
A little hoarse.
126.) I had a joke about time travel,
but you guys didn’t like it.
127.) I hug my knees to my chest, lower my head, and complete a somersault.
That’s how I roll.
128.) Purple is my favorite color.
I like it better than red and blue combined.
129.) Why does a duck have a tail?
To cover his butt quack.
130.) Some folks have trouble sleeping,
but I can do it with my eyes closed.
131.) I ran a dating service for chickens.
It was a struggle to make hens meet.
132.) I didn’t like my beard at first,
but it’s growing on me.
133.) Why did the man fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
134.) What do you call a pair of gloves in love?
135.) I can’t think of any boat puns.
136.) Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
137.) I helped your mother bakes some bread.
It was the yeast I could do.
138.) Why can’t Captain Hook cook?
Someone stole his Pan.
139.) What did the grape say when it was crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
140.) Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
They were dropping their trunks.
141.) I made a small boat out of a large bell.
It was a little dinghy.
142.) I thought of a color that doesn’t exist.
It was a pigment of my imagination.
143.) What kind of food do they serve on a flight?
144.) I’m moonlighting making pizza.
I needed the dough.
145.) Did you hear the joke about the cookie?
It was crumby.
146.) I finally bought my son his first watch.
It’s about time.
147.) My colleague says he’s a compulsive liar.
I don’t believe him.
148.) I told your mother she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
149.) Borrow money from pessimists,
They don’t expect it back.
150.) How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
151.) The sooner you fall behind,
the more time you have to catch up.
152.) I’d have a hard time dating a kleptomaniac.
I don’t think I have what it takes.
Best Corny Dad Jokes
153.) If I’m reading my neighbors’ lips correctly,
They’re complaining about a creepy stalker next door.
154.) I had to fire our lawn mowing service.
They just didn’t cut it.
155.) We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier.
At 11:30, we called it a knight.
156.) They say “icy” is the easiest word to spell.
I see why.
157.) I’m done being a people pleaser.
If everyone is ok with that.
158.) Why are Teslas so expensive?
They charge a lot.
159.) Your mom asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.
I told her I know he fetches, but I didn’t know he could bowl.
160.) Your mother broke my favorite lamp.
I won’t be able to look at her in the same light again.
161.) Did you hear about the giant who keeps sneezing?
It’s all over town.
162.) To the person who stole my selfie stick.
You need to take a long look at yourself.
163.) Our blender only works when everyone is silent in the room.
It goes without saying.
164.) I never make mistakes.
I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
165.) We had a contest at our company for best neckwear…
It was a tie!
166.) What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
167.) I’m thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step in the right direction.
168.) How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps?
You slowly get over it.
169.) Stop looking for the perfect match.
Use a lighter.
170.) What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
171.) What do you call a pencil with two erasers?
Punny Dad Jokes
172.) What do houses wear?
173.) What do you call a sleeping bull?
174.) I’m reading an anti-gravity book.
I can’t put it down!
175.) What made the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
176.) Why shouldn’t you trust trees?
Most of them seem pretty shady.
177.) What do you call a magical dog?
178.) If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
179.) I ate a clock the other day.
It was time-consuming.
180.) I know just 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know Y.
181.) What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
182.) I hate Velcro.
It’s a complete rip-off.
183.) Spring is here!
I got so excited that I wet my plants.
184.) What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear!
185.) What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
186.) What’s brown and sticky?
187.) What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad?
A faux pa.
188.) Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
It’s two tired.
189.) Yesterday a clown opened a door for me.
I thought it was a nice jester.
190.) Did you hear about the frog who double-parked?
He was towed.
191.) What kind of car does Yoda drive?
192.) At any given moment, I get the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”
It’s just a whim away.
193.) What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is a heavy animal, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
194.) What is blue and smells like red paint?
195.) What’s a foot long and slippery?
196.) What type of graph only has words in it?
All-Time Favorite Funny Dad Jokes
197.) Son: My foot is asleep.
Dad: So, you’re saying you have coma-toes.
198.) Why was the rabbit having a tough time?
Classic case of a bad hare day!
199.) Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the tourney?
In case he got a hole-in-one!
200.) Did you hear about the guy who broke up with his girl because she was a Communist?
There were a lot of red flags.
201.) Whatever you do, always give 100%.
Except when you’re giving blood.
202.) Why do horses have a low divorce rate?
They have stable relationships.
203.) Where do fruits go on vacation?
Funniest Dad Jokes
204.) I had to put my foot down.
I was acting like a flamingo.
205.) What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
206.) Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
You get what you deserve.
207.) My boss said, “Hi Bob, have a good day.”
So, I left and went home.
208.) I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel I have way too much on my plate right now.
209.) An old man at the bank asked me if I could check his balance, so I pushed him over.
210.) If you had tea with the Queen, what kind of tea would it be?
211.) Would it be nuts if I went on an all-peanut diet?
212.) I visited the satisfactory where average things are made.
213.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom?
Because the “p” is silent.
See Valentine’s Day Dad Joke Memes.
Hilarious Dad Jokes
Sometimes you’re not looking for a big laugh, but you want to entertain the room a little bit, so we present these dad jokes. These jokes are designed to bring a smile to your face.
214.) There’s a city in the desert where all the dentists go for conventions; it’s called Floss Vegas.
215.) My friend ate a dad joke, and he said, “This tastes a little funny.”
216.) A window washer decided he wasn’t going to clean the windows on a tall office building because he was worried he was going to kick the bucket.
217.) I was going to tell you a joke about a balloon, but it got away from me.
218.) How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents!
219.) A man asked his friend for a piece of cheese, and his friend said, “No man, it’s nacho cheese.”
Check out Funny Insults and Comebacks
Funny Father Moments
220.) When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
221.) I used a sea saw to cut the ocean in half.
222.) What crime was the egg most afraid of?
223.) It’s pointless to write with a broken pencil.
224.) I’m telling you, anything with Velcro is a total rip-off.
225.) I tried to eat a clock, but it was too time-consuming.
226.) E-flat walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
Check out: Hilarious Quotes to Tickle Your Funny Bone.
Dad Jokes Collection Meme
Clever Dad Humor
So, you think you’ve already heard every dad joke. Wrong. Here are some dad jokes that are intended to get big laughs. Give these dad jokes a try and see if you don’t get a chuckle or two.
227.) My mother was very short; she was a minimum.
228.) What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.
229.) I came dressed as Winnie the Pooh for Halloween; I was Winnie the Boo!
230.) Whatever you do, don’t have the sushi in this place; it’s a little fishy.
231.) I went to the zoo to see a bear that didn’t have any teeth; it was a gummy bear.
232.) I tell Dad jokes, and I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
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Funny Dad Jokes Challenge Video
Hilarious Humor from Pops
233.) A secret service agent guarding the president saw a man holding a gun and yelled, “Donald Duck.”
234.) It’s true; I have a receding hare line. I’ve got a bunch of rabbits that hop backward.
235.) An astronaut went to a restaurant on the moon. He enjoyed the food, but the restaurant had no atmosphere.
236.) Two people stole a calendar, and they each got six months in jail.
Check out Happy Father’s Day Captions for Instagram
237.) A cup of coffee walked into a police station and said, “I’d like to report a crime.” The desk officer asked, “What kind of crime?” The coffee said, “I got mugged.”
238.) “I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
239.) Spoiled milk comes from pampered cows.
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Short Dad Jokes
Sometimes you want to get a quick laugh; throw out a one-liner that will get the giggle. We’ve compiled a few short, funny dad jokes that are sure to please.
240.) What sound does a witch’s car make?
241.) My wife hates facial hair, so I grew a mustache.
242.) What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee fish.
243.) Dogs can’t go through MRIs, but cats scan.
Check out: What Do You Call Jokes.
244.) People must be dying to get into this graveyard.
245.) I just finished a book on ant gravity; I couldn’t put it down.
246.) What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
247.) What car does a snake drive?
248.) Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
249.) A belt got sent to jail for holding up a pair of pants.
250.) The frog’s car broke, and he had to get it toad.
251.) It’s true the shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
252.) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Check out: Happy Birthday Dad Wishes and Quotes.
Creative Dad Jokes
253.) If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
254.) Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
255.) A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. ‘That’s one too many!’ says the customer. The clerk replies, ‘It’s a freebie.
256.) I’m afraid for the calendar.
Its days are numbered.
257.) What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
258.) What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
The space bar.
259.) Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
260.) Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
See 143 clean jokes for tweens.
Corny Dad Jokes
261.) Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
262.) Can February March?
No, but April May!
263.) Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it.
264.) I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.
It was just gathering dust.
265.) A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
266.) Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
267.) Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
268.) What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
Cute Dad Jokes
269.) How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
270.) What did the police officer say to her belly button?
You’re under a vest!
271.) Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
272.) Why was the stadium so hot after the game?
Because all the fans left.
273.) I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
274.) Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes, of course, it can. The Empire State Building can’t jump!
275.) What time did the man go to the dentist?
276.) Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.
277.) Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way.
278.) Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
279.) What do Attila The Hun and Kermit The Frog have in common?
They share the middle name: “The”.
280.) Where do you learn to make ice cream?
281.) Why are elevator jokes funny?
They work on many levels.
282.) RIP boiling water.
You will be mist.
283.) What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
284.) I was wondering why the ball kept looking bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
285.) Why did the birthday boy smash his cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake.
Clean Dad Jokes
286.) Son: Hold on, I have something in my shoe.
Dad: I’m pretty sure it’s your foot.
287.) How does Moses make coffee?
288.) Your mother claims I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
289.) What does a house wear?
290.) Don’t make reservations at the library.
They’re completely booked!
291.) I love my furniture.
My recliner and I go way back.
292.) What are baby potatoes called?
293.) What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
294.) How do you make a good egg roll?
Push it down a steep hill.
295.) What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
296.) What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hey there, Bud.
297.) Did you get a haircut, Dad?
No, I got them all cut.
298.) Your mother told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
299.) What do you call a cow with a twitch?
300.) Why don’t crabs give to charity?
They are shellfish.
301.) Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you’re William Hurt.
FAQ Dad Jokes
Wholesome, unoriginal jokes often featuring puns. These jokes are frequently told by fathers to their children. (The “dad joke” answer to: What are dad jokes? When a joke is apparent!)
Son: Dad, did you get your haircut?
Dad: No, I got all of them cut.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
In a dad-a-base. Where else?
Fathers Know Best: Telling a Joke with Style
Funny dad jokes are ones that, at the very least, elicit a smile and, when delivered properly and with gusto, might bring a belly laugh. The joke can be “bad,” but it’s still good and still get a laugh.
A funny dad joke is all in the delivery. Too over-the-top, and it could fall flat. Done with a touch of irony, it could hit home. Experiment a little and let your delivery fit your personality.
Your kids may roll their eyes, but they’ll still be grinning by the end. To make sure they are funny, test them out on your wife, kids, neighbor, or even your dog and see how they react. We bet you’ll get a laugh or a giggle but never a moan.
You always want to have a couple of funny dad jokes up your sleeve. So, pick out your favorites from this list and slip them into your memory bank.
You’re sure to entertain and/or embarrass on every occasion. And in the end, we swear we won’t let anyone know where you got all your funny dad jokes.
By Tim Moodie and Mike O’Halloran
Tim is a toy inventor, writer, and creative director. He’s a father of two. Mike is the father of four, an author, and the founder of Greeting Card Poet.
You’re on the Funny Dad Jokes page.
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