A read through these crush quotes might stir some memories, encourage some empathy, or reflect some thoughts that you can totally relate to. Maybe there’s a person in your life that you can’t stop thinking about? You know, the person who gives you the butterflies every time you see ’em. The person that always makes you smile — your crush.

57 Crush Quotes: The Definitive List When You’re Madly In Love

Most everyone knows the different feelings associated with having a crush on someone. You feel like you’re madly in love, but sometimes, the other person might not be there yet. Other times it might be considered an infatuation or a short term obsession. Frequently, the passion is just as strong as long-term relationship. The following quotes on having a crush will bring some of your feelings to life. And some these you might want to share with the one you love.

7 billion smiles and yours is my favorite.

Some people are so much sunshine to the square inch.
Walt Whitman

You have bewitched my body and soul.
Jane Austen

All I have is hope, and you are giving me so much to hope for.

I want you to want me.
Cheap Trick 

I’m afraid to lose you and you’re not even mine.
Drake

You are my favorite daydream.

You are someone worth waiting for.

Everything is going to be alright. I think I just met my wife.
John Legend

Being in love with you makes every day an interesting one.

I balled my hands into fists and forced myself to stop thinking about him. It didn’t work.
Teodora Kostova

If I know what love is, it is because of you.
Herman Hesse

I saw you for like 5 seconds and it made my day.

It’s nice to have a crush on someone. It feels like you’re alive, you know?
Scarlett Johansson

All I want is for you to feel the same way about me that I feel about you.

I think about you a little more than I should.

If you let me love you, I’m sure to love you all the way.
Frank Sinatra

You had me at “Hello.”
Dorothy Boyd from the movie Jerry Maguire

Since you’ve been around I smile a lot more than I used to.

It’s like I’m thirteen again and he’s my crush. All I’m aware of in this entire roomful of people is him. Where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s talking to.
Sophie Kinsella

All I really want is to hold you tight, treat you right, [and] be with you day and night.
Britney Spears

He talks about you like you placed the stars in the sky.

I’m not going to make a big deal about a few tummy flutters because…dead people, old people, even furniture would get butterflies if they met this guy.
Anne Eliot

Oh please say to me you’ll let me be your man; And please say to me, you’ll let me hold your hand.
The Beatles

Life without you is like a broken pencil — pointless!

Do you know what it’s like to like someone so much you can’t stand it and know that they’ll never feel the same way?
Jenny Han

Some crushes just never went away. They built, instead, into something permanent, obsessive and all consuming.
Maya Banks (Maybe a secret crush?)

Sometimes I just can’t ignore the way I feel when I see you smile.

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
Oscar Wilde 

You know why they call it a crush because that’s how you feel when they don’t feel the same way in return.
(Of the sad crush quotes genre, you can almost feel the pain of the author.)

Is your name, “WIFI”? Because, I’m feeling the connection.

If you could see that I’m the one that understands you, been here all along so why can’t you see you belong with me.
Taylor Swift

I’m so into you.
Ariana Grande

Talking to someone you have a crush on is as scary as fighting a super-villain.

Jon Watts

Every word you’ve ever said, is written somewhere in my mind.
Crystal Woods

She’s a walkin’, talkin’ reason to live.
Bruce Springsteen

When they say to make a wish, you are the first thing that I think about.

I wish that I could stop thinking about you, but it is impossible to get you out of my mind lately.

Every time we touch I get this feeling.
Cascada

Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.

Andre Breton’s take, another of the quotes about your crush, reflects how being in love is revealing for both parties.

Every text session my crush introduce me with a new quality in her crush, and trust me it’s crushing my emotions!
Akansh Malik

Cause I’m trying and trying to walk away, but I know this crush ain’t goin’ away.
David Archuleta (One of those quotes about having a crush that everyone can relate to)

We are all fools in love.

Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice is the source of this crush quote that shows the universality of falling in love.

And it’s a little different with every guy, so it’s kind of hard to generalize—but if I had to describe the feeling of a crush, I’d say this: you just finished running a mile, and you have to throw up, and you’re starving, but no food seems appealing, and your brain becomes fog, and you also have to pee. It’s this close to intolerable. But I like it.
Becky Albertalli

A single text from you can change my mood in a second.

Just thinking about you brings a smile to face, a twinkle to my eye, and a skipped beat to my heart.

One of those cute crush quotes for him was written by Ash Sweeney. It reflects the fact that live just seems to be a little better when there’s someone in your life that you think the world of.

It’s hard to believe that I think about you nearly every second of the day, but I do.

Thank you for reminding me of what butterflies feel like.

In a crowded room, my eyes always search for you.

You + me = Awesome!

When I met you, I found me.

You have bewitched my body and soul.

Jane Austen

You’re the first and last thought for me everyday.

You are the best part of my day.

You’re cooler than a secret handshake.

Do you realize how beautiful you are?

I’ll never finish falling in love with you.

###

You’re on 57 Crush Quotes page.

More On Being in Love

1 – Inspirational Love Quotes

2 – Romance Quotes

3 – Sayings for Long Distance Relationships

4 – Quotations about Cute Couples

5 – Best Love Quotations

The spirit of all Christmas sayings, greetings, and wishes is to spread the message of love, peace, happiness, and prosperity. Every word you share with your loved ones should be above helping them realize the importance of the season. It is more than about the presents you gift to everyone. It should be more about your love, care, and thoughts for others.

Christmas sayings, wishes, greetings, and quotes should help you share all such great things with your near and dear ones.

Christmas Greetings and Sayings

• Your kind soul is a gift no one can ever match. Prosperity and an abundance of love is my wish for you and your family this Christmas.
  

  

• Have a warm and cozy holiday. Wishing you all the special blessings of the New Year.
  

  

• Love, joy and peace are the ingredients for a wonderful Christmas. We hope you find them all festive season.
  

  

• God’s greatest present is His presence, Ponder on this as you celebrate Christmas.
  

  

You might like: Xmas Card Messages

Merry Christmas Sayings

1. Christmas now surrounds us,
   Happiness is everywhere
   Our hands are busy with many tasks
   As carols fill the air.

   

2. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, May you be blessed this season with peace and love all day! And, have a Happy New Year!
   

   

3. This festive season is so much more than Christmas parties and gift giving. May your holidays be filled with the true miracles and meaning of this beautiful time.
   

   

4. I don’t think Christmas is necessarily about things.
   It’s about being good to one another,
   it’s about the the spirit of the season, and it’s about kindness.

   

5. Sure, Christmas is for kids, but luckily the holiday spirit makes children of us all.
   

   

Dickens’ Christmas Quote Meme

Short Christmas Messages

1. ‘Tis the Season.
2. A’Caroling will go.
3. Have a snowy blowy Xmas.
4. It’s a time for giving.
5. Xmas glows with love.
6. A cause for celebration.
7. Dear Santa, define “nice.”
8. Festive Trimmings All Merry and Bright.
9. I believe.
10. Joys of the Season.
11. The best time of the year.
12. Unwrap the season.
13. I deer-ly love the season. (Check out Santa’s reindeer feeding.)

Holiday Wishes

1. What Xmas means to me: The spirit of giving without a thought of getting – it is happiness because we see joy in people.
   

   

2. The Magic of the season never ends and its greatest of gifts are family and friends.
   

   

3. Bells are ringing and everyone is singing, It’s Christmas!
   

   

4. The Gift of Xmas is a precious reminder that we are loved!
   

   

5. The real spirit of the season is to cherish peace and goodwill and to be plenteous in mercy.
   

   

6. Somehow, not only for Xmas but all year through, The joy you give to others, is the joy that comes back to you.
   

   

7. Christmas is the time of the year to give gifts to loved ones and appreciate their efforts of endless caring.
   

   

Religious Christmas Meme

Christmas Card Sayings

• May you feel all the love and joy I have for you throughout this festive season and all year round. Having you as my friend brings me great joy.
  

  

• May Christmas warm your heart the whole year long!

• Wishing you a season touched with wonder and filled with love.

• Have an ideal Xmas; an occasion that is celebrated as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions.
  

  

• Good tidings to you and happy Xmas for today and all the Christmases to come.
  

  

• Wishing you a season of joy, A season of blessings for evermore, A season to be thankful, For all the glad tidings and good cheer!
  

  

• The season of gladness and joy rings out my wish for you is happiness throughout.
  

  

• Let the magic of Xmas bring you back to when you were a child, and let that innocence be a balm to your worries.
  

  

• The gift of love, the gift of peace, the gift of happiness… May all these be yours.
  

  

Warmest Wishes

• Here’s wishing you a day full of joy and laughter. Savor the wonderful delights for months to come.
  

  

• Upon this day my wish for you is bountiful splendor in all you do.
  

  

• Wishing you health and happiness this holiday season and in the year to come!
  

  

• The holiday cards we receive each year remind us of the importance of friends and family not only at this special time of year but for the whole year.
  

  

• Sending the warmest season wishes to you and your family. May God shower his choicest blessings on you and your family this Christmas!
  

  

• During this season of faith and family, may the real meaning of the season shine so bright. There is nothing more I wish for you, that God may bless all that you do.
  

  

Greetings

• During this festive season filled with excitement, delicious cookies, and favorite dishes, I wish you fond memories of family and friends that will give all of your wishes.
  

  

• Love and joy came down on earth on Christmas Day to make you cheerful and happy. Be merry; not just on this wonderful day but all through the year.
  

  

• May the peace that Jesus brings fill your heart and home this Christmas.
  

  

• Let’s welcome the fresh year,
  And cherish each moment it beholds,
  Let’s celebrate this blissful New Year,
  Merry Christmas.

  

Season’s Sentiments

• Our prayers include a special Christmas blessing for you. May God watch over you and your family in the coming year. Wishes and good cheer from all of my family to you and yours.
  

  

• The holidays are the time of giving, sharing, loving and forgiving. May the spirit of the season fill your heart with warmth and love.
  

  

• It is with warmth, gratitude and joy that you have a safe, happy and joy filled day.
  

  

• The snow is gently falling, white as a dove; touching the heart. Merry Christmas with love.
  

  

• May you be surrounded by all the things that bring Christmas cheer May it bring all things that you hold dear.
  

  

• May this Christmas end the present year on a cheerful note and make way for a fresh and bright New Year. Here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
  

  

• These gifts cannot be purchased in a store, nor can you buy them with money. The gifts of peace, joy and lasting happiness are the gifts I pray for you this season.
  

  

Happy Holidays

• Kindly accept my sincere wishes,
  Filled with hope and prosperity!
  Happy Holidays!

  

• Wishing you unlimited joy and infinite fun! May this holiday revive your spirit so you can return full of energy and vitality.
  

  

• May your home and heart glow with the magic of the holiday.
  

  

• Holidays are finally here. I would like to say enjoy and relax but don’t forget to take care of yourself.
  

  

• Now the Holiday is here! I hope you have countless happy moments full of worthy adventures. Cheers!
  

  

• Wishing you a joyful holiday,
  That has a harmonious tone,
  You enjoy each and every bit of it,
  And end it on the same note!!
  Happy Holidays!

  

Happy Christmas Sayings!

• Let the spirit of love gently fill our hearts and homes. Sending happy holiday greetings and may you find many reasons for happiness.
  

  

• Hope you spend a peaceful time,
  with your family this holiday season.
  Hope you experience the best time ahead,
  Enjoy the holidays!

  

• Spending holidays with family is beautiful with a feeling of safety and warmth. May you always stay united and strong with each other this Christmas. Happy Holiday!
  

  

• As this holiday season begins with the anticipation of receiving love and affection. May your days be filled with overwhelming happiness and fulfillment.
  

  

• Have a fun filled time ahead,
  With your loved ones.
  Hope you relish the moments of joy and love,
  which would make your holiday even more blissful!

  

• Now that the holiday is here, we wish you indulge yourself and forget about work and worries and make the most out of your time.
  

  

Christmas Quotes

• There is a Christmas song upon the air, There is a joy innate within the heart; An inner sense of peace, a holy light Illumines life and sets these days apart.
  Edna Greene Hines

  

• I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
  Charles Dickens

  

• Somehow, not only for Christmas, But all the long year through, the joy that you give to others, is the joy that comes back to you.
  John Greenleaf Whittier

  

• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
  Hamilton Wright Mabie

  

• Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and the love of our fellow men should prevail over all hatred and bitterness, a time when our thoughts and deeds and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God.
  George F. McDougall

  

• The holy magic that filled that lonely stable so long ago still fills the air of Christmas today.
  Mary Hollingsworth

  

• This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.
  Taylor Caldwell

  

Yuletide Quotations

• As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is.
  Eric Sevareid

  

• Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.
  Helen Steiner Rice

  

• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
  Burton Hillis

  

• From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other.
  Emily Matthews

  

• Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
  Norman Vincent Peale

  

• When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things—not the great occasions—give off the greatest glow of happiness.
  Bob Hope

  

• Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.
  Ruth Carter Stapleton

  

Check out more Xmas Quotations

Christmas Words

When it comes wishing Christmas to your friends and loved ones, you can also use words like ‘Yuletide’ and ‘Noel’.

What does Yuletide mean?

Yuletide refers to the Christmas season and the word ‘yule’ to Christmas. In fact, Yuletide began to be celebrated even before Christianity dawned. It finds its origins from the Old English vocabulary.

What does Noel mean?

The word ‘Noel’ means Christmas in French. It is believed that the word has its origins in the word ‘natalis’ in Latin, which means ‘birth’.

What does Christmastide mean?

Christmastide is used to refer to the beginning of Christmas Day and begins from the Christmas Eve. It refers to the Christmas season.

Funny Christmas Sayings and Wishes

• When a big fat man jumps down your chimney and puts you in a sack. It’s just that I told Santa I wanted you for Xmas.
  

  

• With all the best of food and beer! Holidays are exhausting. Ho Ho!
  

  

• The only present you can gift Jesus during his birthday is good behavior. You can try to be good today then go back to normal after the holidays.
  

  

• A furry Merry Christmas and happy Mew Year! May Santa always stop at your house.
  

  

• A good holiday gift is the landlord forgoing the December rent so that you can find more money to drink and make merry. Have fun and enjoy this merriest of seasons.
  

  

• I wish you the wonders of the holidays ― that the magic of the season makes all your savings so limited that you wish it’s celebrated daily.
  

  

• May you forgive your enemies and those that have done you wrong. Basically, I am giving you a heads up to forgive me for all the times I did you wrong and maintain the Christmas spirit throughout.
  

  

• In this Christmas season, keep all things in the right view. Or let your credit card brings its limit to bear.
  

  

• I wish you a holiday without relatives, at least you won’t get scary of credit card bills.
  

  

You’re on Christmas Sayings.

Further Reading

Christmas Jokes

Noel Puns and One Liners

College Students: Gifts for Xmas

Card Sayings and Ideas for Messaging

Merry Christmas Wishes and Greetings

Buddy the Elf Lines

Happy New Year Greetings

The Xmas Card Tradition

We could all use a few funny Christmas quotes to brighten up our spirits during the holidays. Christmas is that time of the year when you have to enjoy it like there is no tomorrow. It is that time when you share presents and kind words with an open heart – no matter what the bills are. There is no other time like Christmas. It is also a time when you can take all the freedom to be humorous with anyone.

Hopefully, these gems will help generate a laugh or two.

Christmas Quotes Funny

• If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.
  Unknown

• Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
  Victor Borge
  
• You know what I got for Christmas? Fat. I got fat.
  Unknown
  
• Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
  Andy Borowitz

  

Jingle All The Way Meme

• Always jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
  Unknown

• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
  Unknown

Santa’s Naught List Meme

• It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.
  Unknown

Hilarious Takes

• Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.
  Unknown
  

• The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.
  Julius Sharpe
• Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.
  Unknown
• What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
  Phyllis Diller
• Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.
  Unknown
• Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.
  Robert Paul

Check out our Merry Christmas page.

Short Funny Christmas Quotes

• Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
  Andy Borowitz
• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
  Johnny Carson
• I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.
  Henny Youngman
• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  George Carlin
• Dear Santa, just leave your credit card under the tree.
  Unknown
• Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.
  Ellen DeGeneres
• That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
  Jerry Seinfeld
• Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
  Kin Hubbard
• A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.
  John B. Priestly
• Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.
  Catherine Tate
  
  
• Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.
  Carol Nelson
• Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa?
  Matt Groening
• At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.
  Robert Godden

Melanie White Quotations – “A White Christmas”

1. Christmas shopping for your parents is easy. Just buy them clothes you wouldn’t get caught dead in.
2. My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
3. A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.
4. It’s the holiday season. Let the overeating begin.
5. What’s the best part of Christmas shopping?
   When you know it’s a wrap.
6. You know you’ve had a good Christmas when you spend more time unwrapping presents than untangling lights.
7. Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.

More Fun Sayings

• A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
  Garrison Keillor
• There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
  Erma Bombeck
• One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.
  Grace Kriley
• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
  Bernard Manning

Funny Christmas Movies Quotes

• I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.
  Ellen Griswold (Christmas Vacation)
• The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone. No turkey. No turkey sandwiches. And, no turkey salad. And, no turkey gravy. Turkey Hash. Turkey a la King. Or gallons of turkey soup. Gone, ALL GONE.
  Ralphie (Christmas Story)
• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
  Katharine Whitehorn 
• We’re gonna have the hap- hap- happiest Christmas.
  Clark Griswold (Christmas Vacation)
• One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.
  Professor Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone)
• You’ll shoot your eye out kid. Merry Christmas.
  Santa Claus (Christmas Story)

You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out Video

More From the Movies

• Christmas shopping. Never an easy or a pleasant task.
  Harry (Love Actually)
• You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
  Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)

Merry Christmas Funny Quotes

• Why were there only three kings at Jesus’ birth?
  Elvis had not yet entered the building.
  May your longest list this Christmas be the one that counts your blessings.
  Unknown
• At Christmas, play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.
  Thomas Tusser
• You are the reason Santa has a naughty list.
  Unknown
• Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?
  Arlo Guthrie
• May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve.
  Unknown
• Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You are getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
  Unknown
• Christmas is cancelled. You told Santa that you have been good this year. He died laughing.
  Unknown
• Merry Christmas.
  Know what the best thing about this card is?
  It doesn’t come with a fruitcake.
  Unknown

For Cards

• I wish for your holidays to be filled with many big smiles and big celebrations – but hopefully not big credit card bills.
• My Christmas wish for you this year is simple: with all you are going to consume over the holidays, I hope your digestive system can handle it like a champ.
• Happy holidays. May your egg nog contain enough rum to get you through the Christmas season.
• I wish you love in loneliness, peace in trouble and white Christmas but if your white wine goes out, resort to red. Merry Christmas.
• Merry Christmas. May you receive presents that make you happy – and not fruitcake and ugly Christmas sweaters.
  
• If you finish your Christmas shopping early, you should consider what’s wrong with you having so few friends.
• May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays.
• I wish you wealth in nothingness and love in loneliness; When you have nothing to celebrate the Christmas, just believe that the next knock at your door belongs to Santa.
• Merry Christmas. Santa is giving you the gift of a frigid winter – but just for a few more months.
• I wanted to send you something amazing for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox.
• Merry X-mas. May you be surrounded by jolly elves – and not nasty grinches- this holiday season.

Humorous Sayings

• Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
  Dave Barry
• Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
  Larry Wilde
• There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
  Bob Phillips
• One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.
  Andy Rooney
• Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.
  Unknown
• What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.
  Don Marquis
• Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
  Dave Barry
• Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
  Unknown
• Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
  Bridger Winegar

Funny Christmas Quotes

• Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.
  Lenore Hershey
• A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.
  Jay Leno
• You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.
  Maya Angelou
• Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
  Unknown
• Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
  P. J. O’Rourke
• Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
  Frank McKinney Hubbard
• People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
  Unknown

Funny Sayings

• I stopped believing in Santa Clause when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
  Shirley Temple
• What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
  Unknown
• I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas.
  Frank Butler
• Xmas: The only time of the year where you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.
  Unknown
• Dear Santa, I can explain.
  Unknown

• I’m dreaming of a white Xmas. But, if it runs out, I’ll drink the red.
  Unknown
• Dear Santa, I’ve been good for the past few days. Let’s focus on that.
  Unknown

You’re on Funny Christmas Quotes.

Further Reading: 10 More for the Holidays

Xmas Quotations for Holiday Cheer

Card Sayings and Ideas for Messaging

Merry Christmas Wishes and Greetings

Buddy the Elf Lines

Happy New Year Greetings

Christmas Jokes

Noel Puns and One Liners

College Students: Gifts for Xmas

The Xmas Card Tradition

Xmas Card Messages

New Year Quotations

Our Thanksgiving puns make light of what many consider to be the most American of all holidays. We get together with friends and family, we eat, watch some football, we eat some more, and maybe, just maybe get in a little post-meal exercise. Oh, and one more thing – the most important – we express our gratitude and give thanks for all of our blessings in life. One of those blessings is the ability to laugh at ourselves.

Thanksgiving Puns To Fill Your Plate

1. Getting the longer part of the wishbone is a snap.
2. Eat, Drink and Cranberry.
3. Leftovers are for quitters.
4. Don’t feed the turkey, it’s stuffed.
5. Gobble, Gobble, until you wobble, wobble.
6. It doesn’t get any butter than this.
7. It’s all fun and games until the pants don’t fit.
8. I’m all about the baste, about the baste.
9. The dinner doesn’t stop until I’ve tried everything.
10. Is Thanksgiving dinner over?
    You ain’t seen stuffing yet.
11. Buckle up for a great Thanksgiving, Pilgrim. (With apologies to John Wayne.)
12. Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, not your carbs.
13. What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?
    I liked the leftovers before they were cool.

Funny Thanksgiving

1. Baby, I’m a maize at the way you feed me.
2. Get stuffed!
3. Already thinking about the leftovers.
4. Don’t forget to set your scales back 10 pounds tonight.
5. Don’t be a jerky, eat some turkey.
6. Eat hard, sleep harder.
7. Oh my gourd, I love Thanksgiving.
8. Talk Turkey To Me.
9. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!
10. When fitness means, “Can I fitness whole piece of pie in my mouth at once.”
11. Popeye’s Thanksgiving thought: I yam what I yam.
12. Go ahead, bake my day!

Learn more about the inside story of Thanksgiving’s History.

Thanksgiving Puns About Turkey

13. Butterballin’ on a Budget. 
14. Clear eyes, full stomach, can’t lose.
15. You miss 100% of the leftovers you don’t eat.
16. What is the key to a great Thanksgiving meal?
    Tur-key! Duh.
17. Nobody puts gravy in the corner.
18. What does a turkey drink from?
    A gobble-t.
19. I’m giving up leftovers over time because I can’t quit cold turkey.
20. An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving Puns for Kids

1. What do you get when you cross a octopus with a turkey?
   Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
2. Where did the turkey learn to dance?
   At the Butterball.
3. Thanksgiving = Not a good day to be my pants.
4. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
   The letter “g.”
5. Black Friday purchases need to take in account the weight you gained on Thursday.

More Puns for Kids.

Pilgrim Jokes

1. What did the pilgrim call his home boys?
   Pal-grims!
2. Why doidn’t pilgrims tell secretes in the corn field?
   The corn has ears.
3. What happened to the pilgrim who was wounded by the Indian?
   He had an arrow escape.
4. If pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
   Their age.
5. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
   Pilgrims

More Fun Thanksgiving Jokes and Humor.

Funny Thanksgiving Insights

7. My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
   Phyllis Diller 
8. On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.
9. Put your fat pants on…it’s time to eat.
10. There’s a place for all of God’s creatures – next to the potatoes and gravy.
11. What a bunch of turkeys!

Happy Thanksgiving Meme

Happy Turkey Day!

1. Call the girls, call the guys, we’re having peas, potatoes and pumpkin pies.
2. Give thanks, eat pie!
3. People dress up on Halloween, we dress turkeys on Thanksgiving.
4. The day after thanksgiving is the busiest day for plumbers.
5. Eat, drink and wear stretchy pants.
6. Don’t run a fowl of the cook!
7. Ah, the life of pie.
8. What do you call a rude turkey?
   A Jerkey!
9. What did the turkey say to the hunter?
   Quack, quack, quack.
10. Families are like peanut brittle, it takes a lot of sweetness to hold the nuts together.
11. What does a turkey with one leg say?
    Wobble-wobble.
12. Why were the fans tired of the turkeys’ baseball team?
    All they hit were fowl balls.

Thanksgiving Movie Puns Meme

Thanksgiving Movies

1. What’s eating Giblet Grape?
2. Bye Bye Birdie.
3. Poultry Fiction.
4. Some Like it Hot.
5. An American Turkey in the Oven.
6. Gobbler on the Roof.
7. To Kill a TurkeyBird.
8. Eat, Pray, Football.
9. The Right Stuffing.
10. The Dining King.
11. The Maltese Turkey.
12. Turkey Darko.
13. Fowl Play!
14. A Sweet Potato Named Desire.
15. Inglorious Basters.
16. Cradle 2 Gravy.
17. Leave it to Cleaver.
18. Beauty and the Feast.
19. Silence of the Yams.

Turkey Leftovers

1. When the turkey was told he would be surrounded by family for the holiday, it wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
2. How to diet on Thanksgiving: Don’t!
3. The thing I’m most thankful for: Elastic Waistbands.
4. Thanksgiving dinner: How people used to communicate before social media.
5. Dear Christmas, Wait your turn. C’mon man!
   Sincerely, Thanksgiving
6. I was thinner before Thanksgiving dinner.

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Further Reading

Thanksgiving Quotes and Greetings

55 Great Gratitude Quotes

Thankful Sayings

Do you like puns? Check these out:

Birthday

Christmas

Coffee

Food including Pizza, Donuts and Cheese

Wine

If you’re looking for some funny happy birthday messages, memes and wishes, you’ve come to the right place. Check out our offering below and use one or more of the selections for birthday cards, social media wishes and greetings in person.

Funny Ways to Say Happy Birthday

• Another year, another new place that aches.
  
• A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

• So many candles, so little cake.
  
• Welcome to the Middle Ages – Happy 50th!
• Your birthday:  A day to celebrate that you didn’t die last year!

Call Out: Do you have any ideas for funny happy birthday messages? Let us know on the Contact page. Thanks.

Hilarious Birthday Wishes

• Happy b’day! The only thing getting old is that phrase!
• Wishing you joy and moves like Jagger on your birthday!
• I hope that for every candle on your cake you get a wonderful surprise.
• My heartfelt congratulations for being born a very, very, very long time ago.
• On your birthday, let me wish you plenty of joy, I know you’re too old, but I still bought you a toy!
• May the 40th be with you!
  
• Thanks for being born today. It’s a great excuse for eating cake.

• Wishing you a day as unforgettable as I am. Happy Birthday Dude!

• Happy Age Advancement Day! You still look fab!

Messages for Him

• You’re going to need a lot of help blowing out your candles this year. Maybe I can help you.
• Earlier I wished that your entire wish comes true this year. Then I thought that if your all dreams come true this year. Then there will be no dream left for next year.
• Here’s to taking 50 by the horns and making it your bitch…right after your afternoon nap! Happy Birthday!
• Don’t worry about your home. I had already booked fire extinguisher, in case your bday cake catches fire. Love you my old friend.
• To the b’day boy, you’re getting up there in age. Don’t spend too much time counting your candles or you’ll get dizzy.
• Don’t worry about your age. You are still younger than your next birthday. Have a special Celebration.
• You’re a lucky bday boy to have a girlfriend like me.
• I hope you’re feeling gracious on your birthday, it’s better to be alive than 6 feet under. Happy Birthday to you.
• Honey. I’ll stick around forever…or at least until you stop looking younger than your true age. Stay sexy!

Sayings for Her

• It’s good to stay young, but with every birthday you are getting older. Don’t worry, just chill. Make your b’day special.
• This message is free from extra fat, cholesterol, and additives. It is totally organic, but it is full of sugar. This message is as sweet as the person reading it.
• Can you blow out the candles on the cake or should we call the fire department? HBD, my baby!
• Did you remember that happy, funny, colorful day of young age? It always feels awesome when you can recall those memories.
• Funny how someone can be all the best AND all the worst in my life. Have a great bday!
• Congratulations on your 10,950th days alive. Happy 30th Birthday, Sweetie!
• I got something special for you, which both of us love. Wooo! I ate it all on the way.
• On your Bday I have a special wish. Smile while all your teeth are present! Congratulations!
• Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar: Yung No Mo.

Funny Birthday Messages Meme

Happy Birthday Dad Funny

• Here’s a fun fact—no, not that you’re getting older. Just that you’re starting to look even funnier. Happy b’day Dad!
• To my dear Dad: I was going to buy something awesome for your birthday, but I didn’t seem to have enough money. So for your birthday this year, I’m going to give you a suggestion that you increase my pocket money for the next year.
• My dearest Dad, I know today is your Bday, but it’s not a real holiday so I’m not too excited about it. Just kidding.
• Here’s to you on your birthday, Dad, and every gray hair on your head. After all, I helped to contribute to those.
• Congratulations on the 38rd anniversary of your 18th birthday! You are still so young, Dad.
• No matter what life throws at you Dad, at least you don’t have ugly children. HBD!
• Life doesn’t come with a toolkit, but it comes with a Dad. Have a great bday!
• You’ve always been my favorite no fee ATM. A special birthday wish to you Dad!
• Happy birthday to a father who has the best daughter in the world.

HBD Meme

Husband Funny Happy Birthday Messages

I am the best thing that ever happened to you. Happy birthday dear!

HBD. Don’t think of it as getting older. Think of it as getting closer to qualifying for amazing senior discounts.

Happy Bday to one of the few people I can actually tolerate on a daily basis.

For some reason, when I go birthday shopping for you, I end up finding a lot more gifts for myself. Your birthdays are really expensive, but you’re worth it.

I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world: naked and screaming.

Dear hubby, you define my past and my future. And as for the present, I could find nothing for you. So I bought one for myself.

You’ve never lost your sense of wonder,
You wonder where your keys are,
You wonder where your glasses are,
And, you wonder where your shoes are,
You wonder where your mind is,
Have a wonderful bday.

Let’s celebrate your birthday and stop worrying about your age. It’s too late.

Happy birthday from one of the most amazing and wonderful women you know!

Tip: These funny happy birthday messages make great captions on Facebook and Instagram.

Birthday = Fun! Meme

Best Friend Greetings

• May you live to be old and toothless.
• Roses are red, Violets are blue, Candles are years Happy Birthday to you!
• You’re older than you’ve been. But look on the bright side, you’re younger now than you’ll ever be!
• It’s your b’day! Which means it’s a great excuse to make some bad decisions, let’s party it up!
• Forget the past, forget the future and please forget the present too as I did forget to get you one. But happy birthday, dear.
• Best friends are the friends who keep your embarrassing secrets private. Thank you for always keeping my less than proud moments under wraps. Wishing a great birthday to my best friend.
• May your birthday be amazingly awesome and your hangover be mercifully minor.
• Happy Bday dear friend. A friend in need is a friend in deed; I’m in need of your car, to have it as mine, can you give it to me as a mark of being a friend indeed?
• The best gift is the gift of friendship. So, that is what I got you for your birthday! Don’t worry. I got you a real present too.
• Another year closer to getting those senior citizen seats on buses! HBD!

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You’re on Funny Happy Birthday Messages page.

Etcetera

You might like:

Quotes about Birthdays

Birthday Puns

21st Birthday Sayings

Birthday Greetings

Wishes on your Birthday

Sister

Cousin

Mom

Birthday Blessings

Everyone needs uplifting quotes in their life to get through difficult situations. Whether you are a child or an adult, everyone comes across new challenges every day of their life. By focusing on the qualities of positivity, courage, and strength to face and overcome them, you’ll emerge the winner. Your own personal development means a lot in life. Being positive encourages and inspires you to things that were impossible for you yesterday. Keep your eye on the prize.

Best Uplifting Quotes

• In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
  Mahatma Gandhi
• Each day provides its own gifts.
  Marcus Aurelius
• If you are working on something that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you.
  Steve Jobs
• There are no limits to what you can accomplish, except the limits you place on your own thinking.
  Brian Tracy
• Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.
  Dale Carnegie
• A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
  Unknown
• When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up.
  Les Brown
• Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
  Winston Churchill

Motivational For Women

• You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are.
  Melissa Etheridge
• When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.
  Helen Keller
• A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture, and transform.
  Diane Mariechild
• Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. Keep fighting for your dreams.
  Gabby Douglas
• Any woman who understands the problems of running a home will be nearer to understanding the problems of running a country.
  Margaret Thatcher
• The most effective way to do it, is to do it.
  Amelia Earhart
• If you don’t like being a doormat then get off the floor.
  Al Anon
• The fastest way to change society is to mobilize the women of the world.
  Charles Malik

Check out Maya Angelou Quotes.

Positive Uplifting Quotations

• Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
  Lyndon B. Johnson
• In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.
  Dalai Lama
• What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle and giving 110% all the time.
  Don Zimmer
• The thing that lies at the foundation of positive change, the way I see it, is service to a fellow human being.
  Lee Lacocca
• Imagine your life is perfect in every respect; what would it look like?
  Brian Tracy
• Today’s accomplishments were yesterday’s impossibilities.
  Robert H. Schuller
• Personal development is the conscious choice to improve one’s life to become a better person and to grow as an individual.
  Unknown

You Are More Powerful Than You Know Quote Meme

Funny Positive Sayings

• Watching a person who successfully loses fifty pounds and changes her life is more inspirational than listening to a fitness coach with a perfect body.
  Martin Meadows
• Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
  Tom Lehrer
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  George Carlin
• Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.
  Richard Bach
• If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly.
  Steve Maraboli
• I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.
  Michael Scott
• Think like a proton. Always positive.
  Unknown

Earl Nightingale Quotes

• A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere till you change it.
• All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination.
• We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.
• Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become reality.
• We become what we think about most of the time, and that’s the strangest secret.
• To give oneself is the only way of becoming oneself.
• It is in the expectations of happiness that much of happiness is found. And it takes courage to expect happiness.

Bible Quotations

• Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
  Thessalonians 5:11
• The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
  Proverbs 18:10
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
  Philippians 4:13
• Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
  Joshua 1:9
• Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
  Matthew 11:28
• Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.
  Psalm 31:24

Encouraging Quotations

• Everything you need to accomplish your goals is already in you.
  Unknown
• Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.
  Christopher Reeve
• Press on – nothing can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
  Calvin Coolidge
• Most great people have attained their greatest success one step beyond their greatest failure.
  Napoleon Hill

Mother Teresa Positive Quotes

• Peace begins with a smile.
• Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.
• Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
• Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
• There are no great things, only small things with great love.

The World is Full of Magical Things Meme

Short, Positive Quotes

• Do what you can with all you have, wherever you are.
  Theodore Roosevelt
• A No. 2 pencil and a dream can take you anywhere.
  Joyce Meyer
• Light tomorrow with today.
  Elizabeth Barrett Browning
• There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.
  Roger Staubach
• Only he who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible.
  Miguel de Unamuno
• The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.
  Confucius
• I believe that if one always looked at the skies, one would end up with wings.
  Gustave Flaubert
• I dwell in possibility.
  Emily Dickinson
• If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more.
  Oprah Winfrey

Tip: Use these motivational quotes by posting on a bulletin board or on a note pad on your desk as a daily reminder to stay postive.

Norman Vincent Peale Quotations

A Dream Meme (Hey, that rhymes!)

Inspirational and Motivational Quotes

• It is always the simple that produces the marvelous.
  Amelia Barr
• Limit your always’ and your never’s.
  Amy Poehler
• The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
  Bertrand Russell
• A champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall.
  Serena Williams
• Let us make our future now, and let us make our dreams tomorrow’s reality.
  Malala Yousafzai
• Each person must live their life as a model for others.
  Rosa Parks
• Motivation comes from working on things we care about.
  Sheryl Sandberg
• Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.
  E. E. Cummings
• No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
  Robin Williams

Will Rogers Uplifting Quotes

• Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
• Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

  Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

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Etcetera

You’re on uplifting quotes page.

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Encouraging Words and Sayings

55 Success Quotations

Hit your stride with these dad jokes. They’re too good not to share! Sometimes, fathers can say the darndest things. But, in the big picture, there’s still something really comforting about their type of corny humor. Grimace if needed, groan if you can’t keep it inside, but ultimately you probably love the effort. Look, he’s trying to make you smile even if he fails 90% of the time.

Enjoy these. You’re certain to enjoy a few chuckles (and groans) by the time you get to the end.

Best Dad Jokes

Dad jokes require a certain level of finesse, but these jokes roll off the tongue with little effort. After all, they combine a level of wordplay and pun mastery that few people can pull off, so enjoy!

Funny Dad Jokes

• Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks?
  Mini-soda.
• Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
  All of the fans left.
• What did the dad say when his son asked if he got a haircut?
  He said, no I got them all cut.
• What happened when the boy asked if his dad could you put his shoes on?
  He said, no, he doesn’t think they’ll fit him.
• Why did the dad tell his family to avoid the sushi?
  Because he said that it was a little fishy.

Cheesy

• Want to hear a joke about paper?
  Nevermind, I won’t tell it because it’s just tearable.
• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  It has really great food, but there’s no atmosphere.
• Why did the cookie cry?
  Because his father was a wafer so long.
• How do hair stylists speed up their job?
  They take short cuts.
• What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
  Punch.

More Cheesy Jokes.

Dad Jokes Meme

Bad Dad Jokes

• What is a dad’s favorite thing to eat at the movies?
  Popcorn.
• Why couldn’t the kid stop reading the book about anti-gravity?
  Because he said that it was impossible to put down.
• What’s the opposite of irony?
  Wrinkly.
• What did the man say in the elevator about the operator?
  This job really has its ups and downs.
• Why did the man stop his origami business.
  Because it folded.
• Why did the man hate the movie about the earthquake?
  Because it had so many faults.
• What did the girl say when she dropped her piece of gum on the floor?
  I guess it wasn’t mint to be.
• Why didn’t the comedian share his chemistry joke?
  Because he was afraid he wouldn’t get a reaction.
• Why don’t fathers wear sunglasses?
  Because they only wear dad glasses.

Corny Jokes Meme

Corny Jokes

• What kind of shoes does a thief wear?
  Sneakers.
• What did the bartender say to the jumper cable at the bar?
  I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.
• What did the woman leave the seafood disco last week?
  Because she pulled a mussel.
• Where can you get chicken broth in bulk?
  The stock market.
• What do you call a man with no nose and no body?
  Nobody nose.
• What did the man say about his sick cat?
  He doesn’t think it’s feline well.
• Why do we need geometry?
  Because life is pointless without it.
• How can you tell that a train just went by?
  It leaves its tracks.

Great, Corny Jokes.  Is that an oxymoron?

Good Jokes

• Why couldn’t the woman ever lose weight?
  Because she said it keeps finding her.
• Why is the athlete playing soccer?
  Because he’s just doing it for kicks.
• Why did the man stop working his job at a shoe recycling shop?
  Because it was sole destroying.
• Where did the one-legged waitress work?
  At IHOP.
• What happened when the two antennas got married?
  They had a great wedding and reception.
• Why didn’t the man get any camouflage trousers the other day?
  Because he couldn’t find any.
• What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
  A waist of time.
• Why don’t honest people need beds?
  They don’t lie.
• What did the boat say to the pier?
  What’s up, dock?
• Why did the cucumber call 911?
  It was in a pickle.

Terrible Jokes

• What did the mountain climber name his son?
  Cliff.
• What happened when the boy asked his dad to make him a sandwich?
  His dad said, poof, now you’re a sandwich.
• How do you make a steak pun?
  Medium well done.
• Why is milk the fastest liquid on earth?
  It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
• Why don’t ants ever get sick?
  Because they have little anty-bodies.
• What do you call a poppa candy?
  A sugar daddy.
• What did the light bulb say to its mother?
  I wuv you watts and watts.

Punny Jokes

• How much did the man charge for his batteries today?
  Nothing, they were free of charge.
• How many apples grow on a tree?
  All of them.
• What did the painter say to the wall?
  Don’t worry, I got you covered.
• What do you get when you cross a mouse with a squid?
  An eektopus.
• How does a penguin build its house?
  Igloos it together.
• What is a good password that’s eight characters long?
  Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
• What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
  The flag is a big plus.
• What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
  You spend too much time on the web.

One-Liner Jokes

• If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.
• I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
• Every night at 11:11, I make a wish that someone will come fix my broken clock.
• I’m not indecisive, unless you want me to be.
• I once walked in on my parents while they were in bed. But they were asleep, so I left.
• I want to see something with the clothed eye.
• Pennies are a dime a dozen.
• I don’t like relationships. I get seasick.
• From my point of view, all I can see is a point.
• I once saw a court stenographer transcribe a mime’s testimony.
• I once painted a self-portrait of someone else.
• I’m just itching to tell you about my allergies.
• On the sunny side of the street, it’s a little bit warmer.
• I once found a needle beside a haystack.

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Etcetera

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Father’s Day Quotes