This clever and funny collection of coffee puns will charge you up just like the first cup of coffee in the morning.
Some folks find comfort in a pot of joe after a long day, and these puns help java lovers relate to one another in a way that tea drinkers will never understand. Most coffee puns center around four general topics: types, preparation, utensils, and ingredients.
Ready coffee lovers? Let’s begin with the Top Ten Best Coffee puns identified by the Poet’s Panel of Experts.
Top 10 Best Puns About Coffee
So, whether you wish to enjoy these yourself or brew up the perfect gift, text, or email, you have quite a selection to pick from! Here are some of our favorites to “espresso” your love for the beloved beverage and get you through in time for your next, er…, coffee break.
1.) How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
2.) How does Moses make his java?
3.) Why does the barista lovemaking java?
Because she said it warms her heart.
4.) Why was the java bean so worried?
Because it said it had a latte problem at home.
5.) What’s the opposite of coffee?
6.) What did the barista say to the chatty mugs?
Alright, that’s beanough you two.
7.) What did the new Starbucks employee say after her first month?
Working at Starbucks has lots of perks.
8.) How do you make beef jerky?
Give it a cup of joe.
9.) What do coffee and Eric Clapton have in common?
Both are no good without cream! (Ouch…Clapton is awesome, but we had to admire the joke.)
10.) What did the Starbuck employee say when the police called and said a robber was at large?
You mean, “At Grande?”
Check out our great collection of Dad Jokes.
Short Coffee Puns
- What does a good cup of joe look like?
- The man next to her on the plane spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
- The morning pot of coffee essentially breaks fluid.
- Where do birds go for a cup of joe?
To the NESTcafe.
- How do cups greet each other?
With mugs and kisses.
- Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
- I’ve bean thinking of you a Latte.
- Coffee: Part of my daily grind.
- Livin’ la vida mocha.
Check out our National Cocoa Day page.
Expresso Puns, Latte Laughs, and One-Liners
- What kind of coffee likes to race?
Instant from an expresso machine.
- I love you a latte.
- Why are men are like a cup of joe?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
- Livin’ La Vida Mocha…
- What do beans say to their Valentines?
You keep me grounded.
- You’re Brewtiful!
- Why don’t snakes drink java?
Because it makes them viperactive.
The Daily Grind
- What do gossiping pots do?
Spill the beans.
- What is the best Beatles song?
- How are beans like kids?
They’re always getting grounded.
- How does an IT guy drink coffee?
He installs Java.
Funny Coffee Puns
- Why was the bean so upset with the pot?
Because he didn’t like the way it made him filter.
- Why was the latte so upset?
Because a customer told the barista it was bitter.
- What do you call a hard-working coffee pot?
- Why would a coffee burglar make such a great performer?
Because he would be good at stealing Joe.
- What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
- What’s it called when you steal someone’s joe?
- Why did the kangaroo stop drinking his cup of Joe?
It made him too jumpy.
Silly and Stupid Coffee Puns
- What did the coffee say to the other?
Where you bean all my life.
- Why did it take the bean so long to do its homework?
Because it was procaffenating.
- Why do coffee and mugs go together so well?
Because they are a perfect blend for your morning coffee.
- What did the barista say to the waiter?
I like you a latte.
- What is a bean’s favorite thing to eat on Thanksgiving?
- What did the barista say to the sad coffee mug?
Don’t worry, be frappe.
- What kind of coffee did people drink in the bible?
- How did the mug make the coffee pot blush?
It said you’re steaming hot.
- What does a coffee bean’s Valentine’s Day card say?
Sending you a whole latte love.
- Why did the espresso move away from the mocha?
Because it had bean mean.
- What do you call a couple of coffee bullies?
- By whatever beans necessary, please have some sugar with it.
- What do you call two coffee mugs sitting next together?
A happy cup-ple.
The Brew Crew
- Why was everyone getting sick at the coffee shop?
Because there was a lot of coffeeing going on.
- Why did the two pots get in trouble at school?
Because they were brewing up trouble.
- What did the barista say to the overly excited coffee beans?
Kettle down everyone.
- Don’t talk to her before she’s had her espresso or she’ll lose his tamper.
- Why didn’t the espresso ever talk to the herbal drinks?
Because it said they weren’t his cup of tea.
- Why did the coffeeshop close for the day?
Because a storm was brewing.
- A shot at the stars.
- Bean there; done that.
Good Coffee Jokes
- How to be a star in your neck of the woods: Place an order for a Starbucks lattee, and tell them your name is “Waldo.” Then, leave.
- How about the lady who put little green army men at the bottom of her coffee cup?
She’d heard “the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!”
- A man goes to his doctor and said, ” Every time I drink coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my eye. What should I do?” The doctor replied, “Have you tried taking out your spoon when you drink?”
- Starbucks manager to an employee: Marissa, you’re two hours latte. Sorry, you’re fired.
- How do you deal with a partner that drinks your coffee?
I don’t know, but in some states, it’s grounds for divorce.
- Why does coffee taste like dirt?
Because it is ground.
- What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
- Why do the Lakers serve their coffee black?
Kareem is gone.
- I wish some guy would look at me the way teenage girls look at Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
- Instead of going to Starbucks every morning, I make Folgers, spell my name incorrectly on a paper cup, yell out a different version of my name, and then burn a $5 bill.
- What did the Italian instructor say when he messed up the alphabet?
- There are two kinds of people:
1.) Coffee people. 2.) Sad people.
— Michael O’Halloran
O’Halloran, an editor of Greeting Card Poet, compiled this list after his first two cups of morning coffee. In a previous life, he worked developing marketing programs for the State Coffee of Louisiana, Community Coffee.
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