There’s truly something about these wine puns that feels so sophisticated but silly at the same time. Little did you know, puns pair very well with wine, so for your reading delectation, we’ve compiled the most di-vine collection sure to follow a barrel of laughs.
Puns About Wine
Like the drink, the following puns come in all varieties and are popular at parties or small gatherings. Try your hand at giving these a good swirl around, and you might discover your palate is actually more diverse than you thought concerning the humor of these silly wine puns.
Best Wine Puns
What do you call a mammal that loves merlot?
How did the cabernet feel after its performance?
On cloud wine.
What did the male wine say to the female?
You had me at merlot.
Why wasn’t the man scared to talk to the lady in the wine bar?
Because he had liquor courage.
Why are cab bottles scared of vampires?
Because they know they like feasting on necks.
What did the Merlot say after a long day’s work?
Time to uncork and unwind.
What did the happy red wine say to the sad white?
Unlike milk, when is it okay to cry?
When there’s spilled wine.
What is Merlot’s favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
What do you get when you cross red white and a lion?
A wine bottle that isn’t afraid to show its loud pour.
What did the doctor tell the cupboard?
It may need glasses.
You may be interested in Wine Quotes
Short Wine Jokes
Why did the grape get sent to the principal’s office?
Because it was always whining.
Where do grapes go for breakfast?
How do you make a sauvignon blanc bottle open up to you?
You have to uncork it first.
How does James Bond like his wine?
Swirled, not stirred.
What do cabernet sauvignon bottles ride for vacation?
On a cruise sip.
What is a grape’s favorite day?
What comes between a person and eternal happiness?
Why did the cheese and vino become good friends?
Because they pair well.
What did the merlot bottle yell when he jumped in the pool?
Wine Joke Meme
Funny Wine Puns
What do you call a wine hangover?
The grape depression.
Why were the grapes in the kitchen so rotten?
Because they had fermented.
Where did the Merlot say it heard the rumors?
Through the grapevine.
Why is every box of raisins a tragedy?
Because they were grapes that could have been wine.
How can you tell which of the wine tasters is visiting a place for the first time?
By the blanc look on their faces.
Hilarious Wine Jokes
Why were there so many complaints about the service at that banquet?
Because the server of the wine did a pour job.
Where do people lock up their drinks?
In a wine cabernet.
What happened when the man drank too much vino?
He ended up getting a cab.
Why was the grape so sad?
Because he had been crushed.
Good Wine Puns
Why aren’t grapes ever lonely?
Because they come in bunches.
What is purple and long?
The grape wall of China.
What’s purple and huge and swims in the ocean?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with?
Jokes on Wine Image
Stupid Wine Jokes
What kind of dog did the winemaker have?
A Bordeaux collie.
What superpower do wine drinkers have?
The ability to make wine disappear.
What is a woman’s idea of a balanced diet?
A glass of wine in each hand.
Why did the man rescue the wine?
Because it was trapped in a bottle.
When do men drink alcohol?
Short Wine Jokes
What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
Why couldn’t the white wine make any friends in school?
Because he was too corky.
What did the wine bottle say to others who lost their cork?
Don’t worry, everything happens for a riesling.
What spot did the Malbec come in the race?
Why do they say wine improves with age?
Because the older you get, the more you like it.
Why is it good to share your feelings with a wine bottle?
Because it’s not good keeping them all bottled up.
Clever Wine Jokes
Yesterday, I really wanted wine. Today, I’m drinking it. Follow your dreams.
Wine: Because guys love confusing texts at 3 a.m.
At my age, I need glasses.
My sleep number is 6 – 6 glasses, that is.
Vino: Because you never got a pony.
This pairs perfectly with more of it.
I cook with wine; sometimes, I even add it to the food.
Everything happens for Riesling.
If kids get an ice cream truck, adults deserve a vino truck.
How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma’am, this is the wine aisle at a liquor store.
Silly Wine Jokes
What type of wine;is notorious for making you drowsy?
What kind of wine&;do they serve at the horse races?
Did you hear about the crime family;that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Did you hear about the little grape;who didn’t want to be made into wine?
He was pressed into service!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!;
Some people like beer googles.;
I prefer wine glasses.
Amusing Wine Jokes and Puns
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?&;
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?;
I’m a wine enthusiast. The more I drink, the more enthusiastic i get.
We have an open-door policy.
Show up with wine, and we’ll open the door
A bee goes into a bar.
It comes our two hour later buzzing.
I taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine.
He’s a Bordeaux Collie.
One Line Puns
Our book club only reads wine labels.
Chablis or not chablis.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.;
You had me at merlot!
My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick.
Your wine of a million.
The first thing on my bucket list;is to fill the bucket with wine.
Why have a mer;little when you can have a merlot?
Wine Captions for Instagram
No wine left behind.
It’s wine o’clock somewhere in the world.
Love the wine you’re with. (a glass-ic wine pun)
Another glass? Wine not!
What’s the difference between a schmuck and a hunk? Two glasses of wine.
Every raisin is the tragic tale of a grape that could’ve been wine.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Money can’t buy happiness unless, of course, you use it to buy wine.
Will you accept this rose?
Sorry, I drew a blanc.
More Instagram Captions
Save water, and drink wine.
Wine Tasting Team Captain.
At my age, I need glasses.
Do you know what rhymes with today? Wine.
Sip back and relax.
Yes, I wine a lot.
I wonder if wine thinks about me, too.
I make pour decisions.
Corks are for quitters.
This wine glass must be broken. It’s empty again.
Oh, sweet child of wine.
Sip, sip, hooray!
Stop and smell the roses.
This one died on the vine.
On cloud wine.
By Liz Olson
Liz is a poet and writer who lives in Minneapolis.
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