Clean Jokes, Memes and Short One-Liners

Whoever said that clean jokes couldn’t be funny couldn’t be more wrong. And if you think so, we can prove you wrong because we’ve made a compilation of family-friendly yet funny jokes.

These jokes, puns, and one-liners are healthy and good for both the young and old. Some of these jokes in our collection can teach you things, as well as make you laugh.

Share with anyone, anytime and anywhere, without fear of insulting someone unknowingly. Enjoy our collection; we hope you’ll find them as funny as we do!

Best Funny Clean Jokes

1.) Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.

2.) How much fun is doing your laundry?

3.) Why did the gymnast put extra salt on her food?
So she could do summer salts.

4.) What’s purple and 5,000 miles long?
The Grape Wall of China.

5.) What kind of sandwiches can you make at the beach?
Peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches. (Check out the history of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich).

Clean Jokes.

Crowd Pleasers

6.) I’ve decided I need to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not big enough or strong enough.
I’ve just handed in my too-weak notice.

7.) When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it’s fully groan.

8.) Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.

9.) I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage…I lost my case.

10.) Did you hear about the pessimist who hates German sausage?
He always fears the Wurst.

11.) What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A waist of time. (Check out more What Do You Call Jokes.)

12.) Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the Ark hives.

Check out our Corny Jokes

Tip: Our clean jokes can be read to kick off a business meeting, enrich a teacher’s class, or to lighten the mood at a dinner party.

Clever Jokes

13.) What’s the best day of the week to go to the beach?

14.) I applied for a job at a local restaurant.
I’m still waiting.

15.) Did you hear about those new reversible jackets?
I’m excited to see how they turn out.

16.) My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.

17.) What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set?
A boa constructor.

18.) I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

19.) Do I like wind turbines?
Yes, I’m a big fan.

20.) Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.

21.) What does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque.

More really funny jokes and quips

Clean Jokes Meme

best clean jokes meme.

Funny Clean Jokes For Everyone

22.) Why did the bee go to the doctor?
Because she had hives.

23.) What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie-talkie.

24.) What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.

See good, clean jokes for tweens.

25.) Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.

26.) Why is England the wettest country?
Because the queen has reigned there for years.

27.) What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George?
2 Fast 2 Curious.

28.) What do you call two elephants having a chat?
A heavy discussion.

29.) What do you call leftover aliens?
Extra Terrestrials.

30.) What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny.

You might like our Halloween Humor, Jokes, Puns, and Memes.

Punny Humor

31.) Someone threw cheese at me.
Real mature.

32.) What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?
Odor in the court.

33.) I’ve just written a song about tortillas.
Actually, it’s more of a rap.

34.) Where do crayons go on vacation?

35.) What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.

36.) What kind of flower doesn’t sleep at night?
The Day-zzz.

37.) Did you hear about the two-bed bugs that met in the mattress?
They got married in the spring.

38.) Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.

Check out: Best Truth or Dare Questions

Good Humor

39.) What do you call purple when it is being mean?

40.) A new type of broom has come out.
It is sweeping the nation.

41.) Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
A Mer-Maid.

42.) What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig?
I wanna get a head.

43.) Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store?
It was quite an oar deal.

44.) Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
Because he wanted to work overtime.

45.) What did the tailor think of her new job?
It was sew-sew.

Try our Cornball Humor on for size.


46.) I used to be a train driver, but I got sidetracked.

47.) When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?

48.) I’m glad I know sign language; it’s pretty handy.

49.) I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings… it’s a complex complex complex.

50.) My friend made a joke about a TV controller… it wasn’t remotely funny.

51.) Broken puppets for sale – no strings attached.

52.) Someone stole my mood ring. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

53.) Getting paid to sleep would be a dream job.

54.) I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory…all I did was take a day off.

55.) My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

56.) If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.

57.) I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

58.) Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

59.) I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

60.) I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

61.) I am going bananas. That’s what I say to my bananas before I leave the house.

62.) I’m so bright my mother calls me son.

63.) I have a speed bump phobia, but I’m slowly getting over it.

Check out our favorite Dad Jokes.

On the Lighter Side for Teens

64.) How do you drown a Hipster?
In the mainstream.

65.) Why do wrappers need umbrellas?
Fo’ drizzle.

66.) What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know, and I don’t care.

67.) What did one DNA strand say to the other?
Does my bum look big in these genes?

68.) My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

69.) How do you make gold soup?
Put in 14 carrots.

70.) How do bears keep cool?
They use bear-conditioning.

Check out Funny Insults

Stop, You’re Hurting My Ribs with clean jokes

71.) Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.

72.) Why are chefs so mean?
They beat eggs and whip cream.

73.) Why did the man hate his job as an origami teacher?
Too much paperwork.

74.) What has four wheels and fly’s?
A garbage truck.

75.) Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.

Silly Jokes for Kids

76.) What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

77.) What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.

78.) Why aren’t koalas real bears?
Because they lack the koalafications.

79.) Did you know the first French fries weren’t made in France?
No, they were cooked in Greece.

80.) Can February March?
No, but April May.

81.) Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Amazing, a talking muffin!”

82.) Did you hear about the cheese factory that blew up in France?
There was nothing left but de-Brie!

Hilarious Humor

83.) What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

84.) What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.

85.) Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they have honeycombs.

86.) Why does Humpty Dumpty love Autumn?
Because he always had a great fall.

87.) What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.

88.) What did the big flower say to the little flower?
“Hi, Bud!”

Puns for Children

89.) What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.

90.) What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college?

91.) What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

92.) How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

93.) How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.

94.) Where do sheep go to get a haircut?
The baa baa shop.

95.) Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be known as bagels!

96.) What kind of shoes do robbers wear?

97.) What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I’m not sure, but the flag is a big plus!

98.) What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.

99.) What has fewer calories than a half-moon?

100.) What is a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?

101.) What did the doctor give the astronaut before the big liftoff?
A booster shot!

Rib Ticklers

102.) What is brown and sticky?
A stick.

103.) I turned down a job because they wanted to pay me in vegetables.
I told them the celery was unacceptable.

104.) What color is the wind?

105.) Singing in the shower is fun until that moment you get soap in your mouth.
Then, it’s a soap opera!

106.) A burglar stole all the lamps in my house.
I should be really upset, but I’m just delighted!

107.) When a rabbit sees lettuce, what’s her first thought?

Clean Jokes FAQ

Here are some frequently asked questions about clean jokes.

What’s a good clean joke to tell to any audience?

Sunday was a sad day. But, the day before was a sadder day.

What’s a good pun for kids?

Q.: Where do boats and ships go when they get sick?
A.: The dock.

What’s a funny joke for kids?

Q.: What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
A.: Nobody nose.

Ok, one last one: What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don’t watch the Flintstones, but folks in Abu Dhabi do! Sorry, I’ll be leaving now.

By Mike O’Halloran

Mike is an author and the founder of Greeting Card Poet.


You’re on our Clean Jokes page.

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