Nothing is better than funny dad jokes. We all know what constitutes a dad joke. It’s a short, funny joke, often a pun, that is constructed in question or answer format without a long set-up.
Dad jokes are never offensive, but sometimes very obvious. They’re told enthusiastically by dads around the world.
A good dad joke can be met with groans or hearty laughter. The one common denominator in all dad jokes is that they are fun and meant to be that way. No harsh ribbing, no innuendos, and never disparaging. Remember, going 7 days without a dad joke can make you weak. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Without further ado, here are 52 of the best.
The 13 Funniest Dad Jokes
1.) Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.
2.) Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way.
3.) Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
4.) I had to put my foot down.
I was acting like a flamingo.
5.) What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
6.) Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
You get what you deserve.
7.) My boss said, “Hi Bob, have a good day.”
So, I left and went home.
8.) I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel I have way too much on my plate right now.
9.) An old man at the bank asked me if I could check his balance, so I pushed him over.
10.) If you had tea with the Queen, what kind of tea would it be?
Royalty.
11.) Would it be nuts if I went on an all peanut diet?
12.) I visited the satisfactory where average things are made.
13.) Why do melons have weddings?
They cantaloupe!
Hilarious Dad Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Smile
Sometimes you’re not looking for a big laugh, but you want to entertain the room a little bit, so we present these dad jokes. These jokes are designed to bring a smile to your face, not necessarily a big laugh. We guarantee these dad jokes will make you smile at the very least.
14.) There’s a city in the desert where all the dentists go for conventions, it’s called Floss Vegas.
15.) My friend ate a dad joke and he said, “this tastes a little funny.”
16.) A window washer decided he wasn’t going to clean the windows on a tall office building because he was worried he was going to kick the bucket.
17.) I was going to tell you a joke about a balloon, but it got away from me.
18.) How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!
19.) A man asked his friend for a piece of cheese and his friend said, “no man, it’s nacho cheese.”
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Funny Father Moments
20.) When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!
21.) I used a sea-saw to cut the ocean in half.
22.) What crime was the egg most afraid of? Poaching.
23.) It’s pointless to write with a broken pencil.
24.) I’m telling you, anything with Velcro is a total rip-off.
25.) I tried to eat a clock, but it was too time-consuming.
26.) E-flat walks into a bar and the bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
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Funny Dad Jokes Meme
Clever Dad Humor
So, you think you’ve already heard every dad joke there is. Wrong. Here are some dad jokes that are intended to get big laughs. Not just a little giggle or a guffaw but outright laugh-out-loud funny. Give these dad jokes a try and see if you don’t get a pretty big laugh.
27.) My mother was very short; she was a minimum.
28.) What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.
29.) I came dressed as Winnie the Pooh for Halloween; I was Winnie the Boo!
30.) Whatever you do, don’t have the sushi in this place; it’s a little fishy.
31.) I went to the zoo to see a bear that didn’t have any teeth; it was a gummy bear.
32.) I tell dad jokes and I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
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33.) A secret service agent guarding the president saw a man holding a gun and yelled, “Donald Duck.”
34.) It’s true, I have a receding hare line. I’ve got a bunch of rabbits that hop backward.
35.) An astronaut went to a restaurant on the moon. He enjoyed the food, but the restaurant had no atmosphere.
36.) Two people stole a calendar and they each got six months in jail.
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37.) A cup of coffee walked into a police station and said, “I’d like to report a crime.” The desk officer asked, “what kind of crime?” The coffee said, “I got mugged.”
38.) “I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
39.) Spoiled milk comes from pampered cows.
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Short Dad Jokes
Sometimes you want to get a quick laugh, throw out a one-liner that will get the giggle. We’ve compiled a few short and sweet dad jokes that are sure to please. These short and sweet dad jokes are easy to remember, too, so you can have a few in your back pocket for the next birthday party or card club get-together.
40.) What sound does a witch’s car make? Broom, broom.
41.) My wife hates facial hair, so I grew a mustache.
42.) What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish.
43.) Dogs can’t go through MRI’s, but cats scan.
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44.) People must be dying to get into this graveyard.
45.) I just finished a book on ant-gravity, I couldn’t put it down.
46.) What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
47.) What car does a snake drive? An -Ana-Honda.
48.) Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
49.) A belt got sent to jail for holding up a pair of pants.
50.) The frog’s car broke, and he had to get it toad.
51.) It’s true, the shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
52.) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Bonus Dad Jokes
53.) If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
54.) Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
55.) A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. ‘That’s one too many!’ says the customer. The clerk replies ‘It’s a freebie.
56.) What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
57.) What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
58.) What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
59.) Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
60.) What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison.
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Corny Dad Jokes
61.) Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
62.) Can February March? No, but April May!
63.) Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
64.) I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust.
65.) A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve food here.
66.) Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
67.) Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
68.) What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
Cute Dad Jokes
69.) How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
70.) What did the police officer say to her belly button? You’re under a vest!
71.) Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
72.) Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.
73.) I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
74.) Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
75.) What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
Fathers Know Best: Telling a Joke with Style
A funny dad joke is one that, at the very least, elicits a smile and, when delivered properly and with gusto, might bring a belly laugh. The joke can be “bad,” but it’s still good and might get a laugh.
A funny dad joke is all in the delivery. Too over-the-top, and it could fall flat. Done with a touch of irony, and it could hit home. Experiment a little and let your delivery fit your personality.
Your kids may roll their eyes, but they’ll still be grinning by the end. To make sure they are funny, test them out on your wife, kids, neighbor, or even your dog and see how they react. We bet you’ll get a laugh or a giggle but never a moan.
You always want to have a dynamite dad joke up your sleeve. So, pick out your favorites from this list and slip them into your memory bank. You’re sure to entertain and/or to embarrass on every occasion. And in the end, we swear we won’t let anyone know where you got all your funny dad jokes.
By Tim Moodie
Tim loves to embarrass his kids by telling funny Dad jokes when he’s not writing jokes or working as a toy inventor and creative director.
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