Halloween Jokes, Puns, Wickedly Good One-Liners
Halloween jokes appeal to monsters of all ages, and with these, you can make all of your friends groan with these gems.
All Hallows Eve is supposed to be fun and we’re here to make sure you have something to make all the little trick-or-treaters laugh, so check out this collection of funny jokes that you should have nothing to worry about sharing.
Topics from our large list include ghosts, witches, vampires, skeletons, and more! The jokes that we’ve compiled are sure to boo-st your enjoyment during the spookiest time of year. Beware… you’re entering the Halloween Jokes zone.
Funny Halloween Humor
These funny Halloween jokes will have more than just the kids laughing.
1.) What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests.
2.) What happens when the ghost is lost in the fog?
He is mist.
3.) What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
Why orange you orange?
4.) What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
5.) Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they don’t have any organs.
6.) Why do skeletons drink lots of milk?
Because it’s good for the bones.
7.) Why did Dracula’s mother give him cough medicine?
Because he was having a coffin fit.
Check out our Halloween Puns.
Happy Halloween Puns
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog?
I don’t know, but it is great at chasing submarines.
Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?’
Cause everyone was a goblin.
Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together 24/7?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.
See Spooky Trick-or-Treat Trivia
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
What’s a monster’s favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
See 57 Tricky Halloween Riddles.
Ghost Jokes
I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day.
I knew it would come back to haunt me.
How do ghosts like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day-Scare.
What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
Spook-tacles.
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
You look boo-tiful. Want to be my ghoulfriend?
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A hobblin’ goblin.
Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the Ghost Office
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight is blurry?
Spooktackles.
What’s a ghost’s favorite type of bird?
A scarecrow.
What did the ghost teacher say to her students?
Watch the chalkboard and I’ll go through it again.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
At Bootiques.
What position does a ghost play in hockey?
Ghoulie, duh.
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Eerie But Cheery
Where do ghosts live?
In a dead-end street.
What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don’t spook until you’re spoken to.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day scare centers.
What kind of ghosts do you find at the top of skyscrapers?
High spirits.
Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?
Because you can see right through them.
Who do monsters buy cookies from?
The Ghoul Scouts.
How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire?
So long, sucker.
Why are the ghosts in graveyards so noisy?
Because of the coffin.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
Because he didn’t have a haunting license.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
Jokes for Halloween
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.
What do you call a haunted chicken?
Poultry-geist!
What kind of horses do ghosts ride?
Night-mares.
Why did the ghost go to the disco?
Because he liked to boo-gie.
What’s a ghost’s favorite day of the week?
Fright-day.
Who writes all the books about haunted houses?
Ghostwriters.
What does Bigfoot say on Halloween night?
Trick or Feet?
Vampires
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a laptop?
Love at first byte.
Why don’t you want to hang out with Victor the Vampire?
Well, first of all, he’s a pain in the neck.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
Why did the vampire break up with her boyfriend?
Because he wasn’t her type.
I’m thinking of joining my local vampire club.
Apparently they’re always looking for new blood.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Frostbite.
How do you tell when a vampire has visited the bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly donuts.
Fangs a Lot for these Funnies
Did you hear about the vampire who toyed his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
How do vampires travel across the sea?
On blood vessels.
Why are vampire families always so close-knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
Witches
Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.
How does a witch know what time it is?
She looks at her witch watch.
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
How do witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
What do witches use on their hair?
Scare-spray.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms?
They’re afraid of flying off the handle.
What happened to the witch who was naughty at school?
She was ex-spelled.
What’s the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which.
Zombies
What does the vegan zombie say?
Grains…Grains!
When do zombies go asleep?
When they’re dead tired.
Why couldn’t the comedian think of any more zombie jokes?
He was braindead.
Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie?
He only ate Brians.
Why can’t zombies be arrested?
You can’t take them alive.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the zombie not get the job?
The interviewer wanted someone more lively.
Where do zombies live?
On dead-end streets.
Why do zombies speak Latini?
Because it’s a dead language.
Skeletons
What do you call a slothful skeleton?
Lazy Bones.
How did skeletons send mail in the old west days?
Bony Express.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
He had nobody to go with.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
What do skeletons say as they depart on a cruise ship?
Bone Voyage!
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain Halloween night?
She could feel it in her bones.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
What is the skeleton’s favorite meal?
Spare ribs.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
Skeleton Puns
What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
The trombone.
Most skeleton jokes are not humerus.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body!
Why do skeletons go to church?
It keeps them on the straight and marrow.
Why doesn’t the skeleton eat spicy food?
He doesn’t have the stomach for it.
What makes a skeleton laugh?
When something strikes his funny bone.
Pumpkins
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
What is the best advice a pumpkin pastry baker can give?
Beauty is in the pie of the beholder.
What do you call a famous girl band?
The Pumpkin Spice Girls.
What do you call a Jack-o-lanterns family member?
Pump-kins.
Who is the leader of all Jack-o-lanterns?
The Pumpking.
How do you know a veggie is tough?
Because it has thick pump-skin.
What are Jack-o-lanterns afraid of?
Things that go Pumpkin the night.
How do Jack-o-lanterns get to so strong?
By pumpkin iron.
Tip: These Halloween jokes make great captions for social media posts.
Halloween Humor for Kids
What does a witch ask for when she stays in a hotel?
Broom service.
Who’s a witch’s favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What might you fight on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
Why was the witch’s paper marked down?
She didn’t spell-check it.
Why did the witch put her broom in the washing machine?
Because she wanted a clean sweep.
What do you get if you cross a witch with ice?
A cold spell.
What do owls say when trick or treating?
Happy Owl-oween!
What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO!
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
Why is drinking witches brew good for you?
It’s very newt-ricious.
Halloween Jokes Meme
One-Liners — Dad Jokes
What kind of alley does a ghost prefer to haunt?
A dead end.
What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone.
How do you mend a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
Why do they put fences around graveyards?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why wasn’t the vampire working?
He was on his coffin break.
What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the carnival?
The roller ghoster.
Why did the police officer ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license. (Get it: “hunting license.”)
Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the school’s Halloween party?
He had nobody to dance with.
What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
Happy Halloween!
What type of music do mummies like?
Wrap music.
What type of art is a skeleton’s favorite?
Skulltures.
What room does a ghost not need?
A living room.
What is a vampire’s favorite type of ship?
A blood vessel.
What do you call a ghost in the middle of the sea?
A Boo-y.
Why couldn’t the ghost see her mom and dad?
They were transparent.
What musical instrument does a skeleton play?
A trombone.
Why did the mummy call the doctor?
Because her baby was coffin.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.
Who won the skeleton race?
Nobody.
Halloween Knock-knock Jokes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Uh… Ben waiting for Halloween all year – trick or treat!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Uh… Philip who?
Phillip up my bag with Halloween candy.
Halloween Jokes for Kids
What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers.
What sound do witches make when they eat cereal?
Snap, Cackle & Pop!
What’s a witch’s favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a.
What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters?
Booberries!
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
Best Halloween Jokes
What kind of monster is the best dancer?
The Boogieman.
Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali -boo.
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?;
When you’re a mouse.
Who did Frankenstein go trick or treating with?
His ghoul friend.
Thanks for stopping in for a spell
Eat, drink, and be scary this Halloween.
Thanks for creeping it real. Let’s get this party startled! Fangs for reading till the end.
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike can still remember the days of using two pillowcases to ensure the bounty didn’t break through while trick-or-treating. He’s the founder and editor of Greeting Card Poet.
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