Our funny work quotes collection provides some levity to the day-to-day work environment in the office. While you might not buy into all of these sentiments completely – and we certainly hope that’s the case – you may have had jobs over your career that fit the words exactly. So, please review and have a chuckle or two.
Funny Work Quotes
We spend more time at work than just about anywhere. Being able to get through the long meetings, the temperamental boss, and the red tape requires a good sense of humor. That’s where these inspirational, funny work quotes and office sayings can help.
1.) Not everyone has a good take on their actual contributions to the job
I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I am around.
2.) Hey, we’re all in this together
Oh, you hate your job? Why did not you say so? There is a support group for that. It is called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
3.) Consulting begins with a “con”
Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.
Check out the best inspirational quotes for work.
4.) No sleeping on the job
His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.
5.) Going nowhere fast in the corporate world?
Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you are just sitting still?
J. Paul Getty
6.) Life’s simple pleasures are the best
Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.
7.) Managing your workflow is a challenge
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
Check out 52 Awesome Dwight Schrute Quotes
8.) The job makes the man
Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.
9.) Identifying opportunities is a tough business
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
10.) Tradeoffs when planning for retirement
I have got all the money I will ever need if I die by four o’clock.
11.) A slow pace doesn’t win the race
Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
12.) There’s no elevator to success; take the stairs
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
13.) No sense in throwing caution to the wind
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
14.) We’re both playing make-believe
We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us.
15.) The irony of this makes me sad
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you would not have a job if he was any smarter.
16.) I like tackling the big issues at work
Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
17.) Following instructions from your boss literally can get you into trouble
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
18.) The corporate world’s way of slowing progress
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
19.) Slow down or you’ll have a heart attack
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
20.) Beyond my wildest dreams
I’m quitting to pursue my dream of not working here.
You might like our Schitt’s Creek Quotes page.
21.) That’s just not the way it works
My keyboard must be broken. I keep hitting the escape button but I’m still at work.
Putting these funny work quotes to use
Here are some ideas on how to use these quotes:
A.) Include on an opening PowerPoint slide. Key tip: know your audience.
B.) Add some fun to a Facebook post.
C.) Use one of your favorite lines after your sign-off for emails.
D.) Post it on a sign in your cubicle or office.
E.) Lighten up the start of a business meeting by repeating an appropriate quotation.
Additional Funny Quotes for Work
I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
Funny Motivational Work Quotes
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
It’s Just a Job
It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.
Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.
Laugh Out Loud
There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?
There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
The easiest job in the world has to be a coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Workplace Funny Quotes
It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.
Stanley J. Randall
The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
Beat the 5 o’clock rush, and leave work at noon.
As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course, retirement.
My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.
By Phil Herman
Phil writes about business, economy, and pop culture.
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