Schitt’s Creek Quotes
These Schitt’s Creek quotes come from the award-winning sitcom. In Schitt’s Creek, a wealthy couple suddenly finds themselves completely broke and must move to the small town of Schitt’s Creek. The show is engaging and uplifting.
Here are a collection of memorable quotes from the multi-Emmy-winning cast. These quotes are clever, hilarious, and heartwarming all at the same time.
Best Schitt’s Creek Quotes
Ew, David!
Alexis Rose
I think it’s important for us to remember that sometimes, it does work out. And even though everything inside us is telling us to protect ourselves, when you’ve got it, don’t let it go.
David Rose
I don’t skate through life, David. I walk through life in really nice shoes.
Alexis Rose
Oh, I know I don’t have any money, but I need to look like I don’t have money.
Johnny Rose
Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.
Moira Rose
Talk to the hand, son. Because the ears are no longer working.
Johnny Rose
I do not have a lot to my name right now, but I do have one thing: taste.
David Rose
If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.
Moira Rose
You’re my Mariah Carey.
Patrick Brewer
Patrick Brewer, you are my happy ending
David Rose
There’s something wrong with your face.
Stevie Budd
Memorable Quotes From Moira
You must prepare for life and whatever it will throw at you.
Moira Rose
I’m suddenly overcome with regret. It’s a new feeling for me, and I don’t find it at all pleasurable.
Moira Rose
Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?
Moira Rose
This wine is awful. Get me another glass.
Moira Rose
John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!
Moira Rose
What you did was impulsive, capricious, and melodramatic. But it was also wrong.
Moira Rose
Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.
Moira Rose
Well, Jocelyn, there are certain things that are just not done: Smoking in a car with a baby—unless you crack a window; tipping before tax; mixing drinks with cola, and giving away a coat that doesn’t belong to you.
Moira Rose
Check out these memorable scene-stealers from Moira Rose.
Alexis Rose Quotes
Okay, yeah, no, I did not write this…Okay, like, I didn’t even choose this font! It’s horrible.
Alexis Rose
There is nothing wrong with asking for what you deserve.
Alexis Rose
Stop doing that with your face.
Alexis Rose
What now? Do I leave everything behind and move to some random island to be with the love of my life? Because I did that with Harry Styles in England, and it was, like, too rainy.
Alexis Rose
He hasn’t even asked for my phone number, which in my experience means he’s either newly married or he’s gay.
Alexis Rose
Hello, my name is Alexis Rose, represented by Alexis Rose Talent. I have chosen to perform the title track off of my critically reviewed, limited reality series, A Little Bit Alexis. Feel free to sing along if you know the words!
Alexis Rose
Hilarious Quotations
David, you have to stop watching Notting Hill. It’s not helpful for our relationship.
Patrick Brewer
You’re walking me down the aisle in a wedding dress. Everyone is gonna think we’re getting married to each other.
David Rose
A hashtag? Is that two words?
Johnny Rose
I was giving them a little pup talk.
Ted Mullens
I’m incapable of faking sincerity.
Stevie Budd
You might want to rethink the nightgown first — there’s a whole Ebenezer Scrooge thing happening. My best to Bob Cratchet.
David Rose
David, will you please give me a hug?
Alexis Rose
Rose Apothecary. You know, it’s just pretentious enough.
Patrick Brewer
Let’s not ruin a meal by talking about the process.
David Rose
I’m only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.
Stevie Budd
David Quotes
I was perfectly fine not trusting people. Not trusting people is what I’m used to. It is my comfort zone.
David Rose
I’ve been burned so many times I’m like the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow.
David Rose
I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.
David Rose
I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.
David Rose
I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was 22.
David Rose
I do drink red wine, but I also drink white wine. And I’ve been known to occasionally sample the rose, and a couple summers back, I tried a merlot that used to be a chardonnay. I like the wine, not the label.
David Rose
I’m starting to feel like I’m trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here.
David Rose
She sort of fades into the background after a while. You know, like a smoke alarm.
David Rose
Best David Lines Video
Quotes from Johnny Rose
Tweet us on Facebook!
Johnny Rose
You’re not the only one with an online presence.
Johnny Rose
And just so you’re aware, this has nothing to do with me not knowing my way around a grill. I’ve watched many a personal chef flip a burger in my day.
Johnny Rose
Well, David, these kinds of parties take time and planning. Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party for your mother’s 40th, I had to quarantine the camels for a month.
Johnny Rose
Oh, look at David. Smart enough to get that joke, but not smart enough to stop wearing sweaters in the middle of summer.
Johnny Rose
Funny Quotes
These Schitt’s Creek quotes are bound to make you laugh.
I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.
Stevie Budd
Do I wear my fringed vest? Or, more importantly, do I wear anything under it?
Patrick Brewer
Okay, I’ve never ‘just packed a bag,’ so you might just have to give me a minute.
Moira Rose
Oh, it’s always just a cold, John—until it’s full-blown typhoid!
Moira Rose
I’m a delightful half-half situation!
David Rose
I’ve been waiting for this moment. Apparently, if they call your number, you get to stand in front of a judge. I feel like I’m on The Voice!
Jocelyn Schitt
Very uninterested in that opinion.
David Rose
I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row.
David Rose
Sweet Quotes
You know, when you kissed me that, that felt like my first time. All the things that you’re supposed to feel, I- I felt them last night.
Patrick Brewer
I’ve spent most of my life not knowing what right was supposed to feel like, and then I met you. And everything changed. You make me feel right.
Patrick Brewer
I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject. And by subject, I mean genuine human emotion.
David Rose
Well, what can I say? Sometimes I like to live dangerously. While still respecting my personal boundaries.
Ted Mullens
He told me he doesn’t want my help, so I’m just going to play the supportive partner and watch him fail.
David Rose
Sometimes, in life and in love, risks must be taken. One never knows what may happen.”
Moira Rose
I just want you to know that no matter what anyone says, you will always be our first dad.
David Rose
Great Lines
These Schitt’s Creek quotes are some of the best of the best.
My car is worth less than your pants.
StevieBudd
Funky is a neon T-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This is luxury.
David Rose
This isn’t “Say Yes to the Dress,” princess. Orange is the new orange.
Ronnie
Well, if I find out that you’re accusing me of doing something I didn’t do, then I’m going to accuse you of making false accusations.
Roland Schitt
Yeah, uh, dark hair. Answers to the name “Stevie.” Um, kind of looks like a vampire. A little skittish when approached. Um, you know, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but if you have a taser, you may want to use it.
Roland Schitt
It’s just you’re talking about how nice it is not to talk, but you’re still talking about it.
Mutt Schitt
We can talk about this anytime you’d like. Preferably not before 10 a.m. because I’m not really a morning person.
David Rose
Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.
Moira Rose
Sometimes, in life and in love, risks must be taken. One never knows what may happen.”
Moira Rose
Oh, ew, you poor thing.
Alexis Rose
I hope you enjoyed this collection of quotes from one of the best sitcoms in a long time.
By Liz Olson
Liz is a writer who lives in Minneapolis.
Etcetera
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