Funny Quotes About Life

If these funny quotes about life don’t provide a chuckle or two we’ll be shocked. Fun, humor, and laughter are considered the elements that help you get through life. Imagine having the world would have been without them.

Here are funny quotes about life from men and women who have left a strong impact on time and the minds of people. Enjoy these quotes and read them to your loved ones to make them feel better too – and make this world an even merrier place to live.

Funny Life Quotes

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Charles M. Schulz

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
John Wayne

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Dale Carnegie

Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
John Lennon

Really Funny Quotes about Life.

Funny Sayings About Life

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Jimmy Durante

Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
Alan Bennett

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg

Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles Schulz

Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.
Karon Waddell

Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.
Charlotte Bronte

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw

Life is hard, after all, it kills you.
Kathrine Hepburn

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Bill Hicks

If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
Edgar Watson Howe

See Celebrate Life Quotes and Captions.

Witty Sayings

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
David Letterman

I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. J
Jon Stewart

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barry

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
Joan Rivers

funny quotes image

Good Funny Quote

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Mark Twain

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
Kyle Chandler

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Mark Russell

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz

Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Helen Rowland

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde

Quotes That Make You Laugh

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
Mindy Kaling

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
Caroline Rhea

So this is my life — until I win the lottery.
Jim Halpert, The Office

Humorous Sayings

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin

The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said, ‘Parking Fine.’
Tommy Cooper

I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.
Demitri Martin

If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Paul Beatty

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

When people ask me how many people work here, I say about a third of them.
Lisa Kennedy Montgomery

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
Yogi Berra

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
Salvador Dali

Funny Sayings about Life image

Funny Motivational Quotations

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
Japanese Proverb

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Homer Simpson

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.
German Proverb

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood

Life Quotations

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.
Ethel Barrymore

I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Benjamin Franklin

Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.

You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London

I’m an idealist, I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
Carl Sanburg

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
Wayne Dyer

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Edison

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard’, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’
Sydney Harris

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Harry S. Truman

Seven days without laughter make one weak.
Joel Goodman

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A. Milne

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Betty Reese

Tip: Use some of these funny quotes about life as photo captions on Instagram.

Really Funny Sayings

Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
Billie Burke

If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Steven Wright

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He`s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
Billy Connolly

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

I believe in the discipline of silence and could talk for hours about it.
George Bernard Shaw

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.
Sam Levenson

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
Oscar Wilde

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
Benjamin Franklin

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Mark Twain

The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.
Arthur Miller

I drink to make other people more interesting.
Ernest Hemingway (Some funny quotes about life are darker than others.)

Laugh Out Loud Quotes

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
Michael Scott

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney

The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
Betty White

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.
Jay Leno

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Steven Wright

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Jean Illsley Clarke

I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.
Cassandra Duffy

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.
Charles Schulz

Funny Quotes About Life

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?
Ernest Hemingway

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brendan Gill

If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
William Goldman

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Dalai Lama

Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein

Lighthearted Quotes

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
Joe Girard

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
Dalai Lama

The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are.
Terry Pratchett

Change is not a four-letter word, but often your reaction to it is!
Jeffrey Gitomer

By Mike O’Halloran

Mike is an author and editor of Greeting Card Poet.


If you have any suggestions for our Funny Quotes About Life page, please let us know via the Contact page. Thanks.

You’re on the Funny Quotes About Life page.

You might like:

Magical Harry Potter Quotes

Funny Instagram Captions and Sayings

55 Smile Quotes

Funny Inspirational Quotations