Funny Quotes About Life
We’ll be shocked if these funny quotes about life don’t provide a chuckle or two.
Fun, humor, and laughter are considered the elements that help you get through life. Imagine how the world would have been without them.
Here are funny quotes about life from men and women who have strongly impacted time and people’s minds. Enjoy these quotes and read them to your loved ones to make them feel better, too – and make this world an even merrier place to live.
Funny Life Quotes
- I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Charles M. Schulz - Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
John Wayne - Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard - The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy ParkerE - Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Dale Carnegie - Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
John Lennon
Funny Sayings About Life
- Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Jimmy Durante - Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
Alan Bennett - Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg - Life is like a roll of toilet paper, hopefully, long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.
Unknown - My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles Schulz - Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.
Karon Waddell - Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not match the expectation.
Charlotte Bronte - Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw - Life is hard; after all, it kills you.
Kathrine Hepburn - Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx - We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Bill Hicks - If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
Edgar Watson Howe
See Celebrate Life Quotes and Captions.
Witty Sayings
- Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
David Letterman - I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada - Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone - The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. J
Jon Stewart - My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I started. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barry - You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.
Joan Rivers
Good Funny Quote
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield - Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields - Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Mark Twain - Opportunity does not knock; it presents itself when you beat down the door.
Kyle Chandler - The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Mark Russell - Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz - Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times.
Helen Rowland - The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde
Quotes That Make You Laugh
- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin - I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner - My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg - There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
Mindy Kaling - Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams - I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin - My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
Caroline Rhea - So this is my life — until I win the lottery.
Jim Halpert, The Office
Humorous Sayings
- I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin - The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen - You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said, ‘Parking Fine.’
Tommy Cooper - I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.
Demitri Martin - If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Paul Beatty - I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield - When people ask me how many people work here, I say about a third of them.
Lisa Kennedy Montgomery - I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers - Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
Yogi Berra - A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
Ralph Waldo Emerson - The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
Salvador Dali
Funny Motivational Quotations
- People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar - Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
Japanese Proverb - All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain - By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost - You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.
Homer Simpson - The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.
German Proverb - They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood
Life Quotations
- You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.
Ethel Barrymore - I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Benjamin Franklin - Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck - Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.
Voltaire - You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London - I’m an idealist; I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
Carl Sanburg - Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
Wayne Dyer - A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
Unknown - Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Edison - When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard’, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’
Sydney Harris - It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Harry S. Truman - Seven days without laughter make one weak.
Joel Goodman - People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A. Milne - If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Betty Reese
Tip: Use some of these funny quotes about life as photo captions on Instagram.
Really Funny Sayings
- Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
Billie Burke - If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Steven Wright - Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?… He`s a mile away, and you’ve got his shoes!
Billy Connolly - You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope - I believe in the discipline of silence and could talk for hours about it.
George Bernard Shaw - A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.
Unknown - Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.
Sam Levenson - I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin - It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
Oscar Wilde - We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
Benjamin Franklin - Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain - I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde
Humorous Quotations
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright - Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Mark Twain - The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.
Arthur Miller - I drink to make other people more interesting.
Ernest Hemingway (Some funny quotes about life are darker than others.)
Laugh Out Loud Quotes
- I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
Michael Scott - The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney - The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
Betty White - According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.
Jay Leno - Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey - The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Steven Wright - I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Jean Illsley Clarke - I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.
Cassandra Duffy - In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.
Charles Schulz
Funny Quotes About Life
- I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?
Ernest Hemingway - Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brendan Gill - If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps - I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
Ron White - Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
William Goldman - Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Dalai Lama - Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein
Lighthearted Quotes
- The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein - A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt - The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
Joe Girard - When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite - If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
Dalai Lama - The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are.
Terry Pratchett - Change is not a four-letter word, but often your reaction to it is!
Jeffrey Gitomer
By Michael O’Halloran
Michael O’Halloran founded Greeting Card Poet in 2014 and has worked as its publisher and editor ever since. He has co-authored four books on kids’ trivia and four on coaching. Previously, Michael was the president of Magnetic Poetry. He has invented and brought to market over 75 new gift and toy products, most of which involve wordplay. Mike is married and a father of four daughters.
Encore
If you have any suggestions for our Funny Quotes About Life page, please let us know via the Contact page. Thanks.
You’re on the Funny Quotes About Life page.
You might like:
