Funny Quotes About Life
If these funny quotes about life don’t provide a chuckle or two we’ll be shocked. Fun, humor, and laughter are considered the elements that help you get through life. Imagine having the world would have been without them.
Here are funny quotes about life from men and women who have left a strong impact on time and the minds of people. Enjoy these quotes and read them to your loved ones to make them feel better too – and make this world an even merrier place to live.
Funny Life Quotes
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Charles M. Schulz
Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
John Wayne
Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Dale Carnegie
Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
John Lennon
Funny Sayings About Life
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Jimmy Durante
Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
Alan Bennett
Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg
Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.
Rudyh
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles Schulz
Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.
Karon Waddell
Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.
Charlotte Bronte
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
Life is hard, after all, it kills you.
Kathrine Hepburn
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Bill Hicks
If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
Edgar Watson Howe
See Celebrate Life Quotes and Captions.
Witty Sayings
Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
David Letterman
I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada
Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. J
Jon Stewart
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barry
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
Joan Rivers
Good Funny Quote
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Mark Twain
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
Kyle Chandler
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Mark Russell
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz
Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Helen Rowland
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde
Quotes That Make You Laugh
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
Mindy Kaling
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
Caroline Rhea
So this is my life — until I win the lottery.
Jim Halpert, The Office
Humorous Sayings
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said, ‘Parking Fine.’
Tommy Cooper
I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.
Demitri Martin
If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Paul Beatty
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
When people ask me how many people work here, I say about a third of them.
Lisa Kennedy Montgomery
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
Yogi Berra
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
Salvador Dali
Funny Motivational Quotations
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar
Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
Japanese Proverb
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Homer Simpson
The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.
German Proverb
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood
Life Quotations
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.
Ethel Barrymore
I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Benjamin Franklin
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.
Voltaire
You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London
I’m an idealist, I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
Carl Sanburg
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
Wayne Dyer
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
Unknown
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Edison
When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard’, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’
Sydney Harris
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Harry S. Truman
Seven days without laughter make one weak.
Joel Goodman
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A. Milne
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Betty Reese
Tip: Use some of these funny quotes about life as photo captions on Instagram.
Really Funny Sayings
Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
Billie Burke
If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Steven Wright
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He`s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
Billy Connolly
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope
I believe in the discipline of silence and could talk for hours about it.
George Bernard Shaw
A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.
Unknown
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.
Sam Levenson
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
Oscar Wilde
We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
Benjamin Franklin
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain
I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Mark Twain
The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.
Arthur Miller
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Ernest Hemingway (Some funny quotes about life are darker than others.)
Laugh Out Loud Quotes
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
Michael Scott
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney
The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
Betty White
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.
Jay Leno
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Steven Wright
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Jean Illsley Clarke
I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.
Cassandra Duffy
In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.
Charles Schulz
Funny Quotes About Life
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?
Ernest Hemingway
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brendan Gill
If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
William Goldman
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Dalai Lama
Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein
Lighthearted Quotes
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
Joe Girard
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
Dalai Lama
The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are.
Terry Pratchett
Change is not a four-letter word, but often your reaction to it is!
Jeffrey Gitomer
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is an author and editor of Greeting Card Poet.
Encore
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