Funny Quotes About Life
If these funny quotes about life don’t provide a chuckle or two we’ll be shocked. Fun, humor, and laughter are considered the elements that help you get through life. Imagine having the world would have been without them.
Here are funny quotes about life from men and women who have left a strong impact on time and the minds of people. Enjoy these quotes and read them to your loved ones to make them feel better too – and make this world an even merrier place to live.
Funny Life Quotes
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Charles M. Schulz
Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
Funny Sayings About Life
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.
Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
Life is hard, after all, it kills you.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
Edgar Watson Howe
See Celebrate Life Quotes and Captions.
Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada
Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. J
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
Good Funny Quote
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz
Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Quotes That Make You Laugh
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
So this is my life — until I win the lottery.
Jim Halpert, The Office
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said, ‘Parking Fine.’
I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.
If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
When people ask me how many people work here, I say about a third of them.
Lisa Kennedy Montgomery
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
Funny Motivational Quotations
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.
I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.
You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
I’m an idealist, I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard’, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Harry S. Truman
Seven days without laughter make one weak.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Tip: Use some of these funny quotes about life as photo captions on Instagram.
Really Funny Sayings
Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He`s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
I believe in the discipline of silence and could talk for hours about it.
George Bernard Shaw
A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I can resist everything except temptation.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Ernest Hemingway (Some funny quotes about life are darker than others.)
Laugh Out Loud Quotes
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Jean Illsley Clarke
I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.
In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.
Funny Quotes About Life
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are.
Change is not a four-letter word, but often your reaction to it is!
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is an author and editor of Greeting Card Poet.
If you have any suggestions for our Funny Quotes About Life page, please let us know via the Contact page. Thanks.
You’re on the Funny Quotes About Life page.
You might like:
Funny Instagram Captions and Sayings