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Funny Love Quotes

Sharing funny love quotes with your partner can be romantic and add more spice to your relationship.

No relationship can last long without having a dose of humor and fun now and then.

Here are some funny and humorous love quotes to enjoy together, while laughing and building a stronger relationship.

Funny Love Quotes From The Heart.

Funny Quotes About Love

1.) In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit or getting parked in the wrong place.
Helen Rowland

2.) The sincerest love is the love of food.
George Bernard Shaw

3.) Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.
English Proverb

4.) Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
Jules Renard

5.) I can’t make you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekend stipend of $75.
Rob Delaney

6.) Love is like a Rhino, short-sighted but always willing to find a way.
Unknown

7.) Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
Unknown

8.) We are all a little weird, and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
Dr. Seuss

Funny love quotes.

Laugh Out Loud Quotes on Love

9.) I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’
Amy Schumer

10.) I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Steve Martin

11.) The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle

12.) If you text “I love you” to a person, and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is – they don’t love you back.
Chelsea Peretti

13.) My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.
Gary Shandling

14.) I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.
Dave Attell

15.) Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Pauline Thomason

16.) My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers

Funny Love Sayings

17.) Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler

18.) What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
Cindy Garner

19.) If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust, if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.
Miles Davis

20.) Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly and often with a great deal of mess.
Lemony Snicket

21.) I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright

22.) Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.
Judith Viorst

Amusing Quotes on Love and Marriage

23.) I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

24.) I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right.
Richard Pryor

25.) I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

26.) The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henry Youngman

27.) The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge

28.) By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates

29.) Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason

Funny Love Advise

30.) The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.
Unknown

31.) Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three meals a day and remembering to carry out the trash.
Joyce Brothers

32.) Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.
Richard Pryor

33.) Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller

34.) Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Will Ferrell

Funny I Love You Quotes

35.) I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.
Unknown

36.) I love you more than a herd of wildebeest love stampeding Mufasa!
Unknown

37.) You are my favorite pain in the ass!
Unknown

38.) My favorite part of you is the better half; Me!
Unknown

39.) I love you more than pizza!
Unknown

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Charles Schultz popcorn quote.

Humorous Sayings for Him

40.) A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
Tim Allen

41.) What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
Cindy Garner

42.) The bravest thing that men do is love women.
Mort Sahl

43.) I don’t have a boyfriend right now. I’m looking for anyone with a job that I don’t have to support.
Anna Nicole Smith

44.) Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need ten years before you can call yourself a beginner.
Jerry Seinfeld

Check out Best I Love You Quotes

For Her

45.) There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock

46.) The great question, which I have not been able to answer, is: what does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

47.) LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder… It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.
Ambrose Bierce

48.) Women love a self-confident bald man.
Larry David

49.) Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman.
Oscar Wilde

50.) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can’t hold it in.
Unknown

51.) Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.
Megan Mullally

52.) What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
Cindy Garner

Really Funny Love Quotes

53.) Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.
George Burns

54.) Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.
Judith Viorst

55.) Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.
Helen Gurley Brown

56.) Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.
Jean Kerr

57.) Love is sharing your popcorn.
Charles Schultz (Simple, funny love quotes are the best)

58.) If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
Alan King

59.) I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

Check out: I love you more than messages.

60.) It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

61.) If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.
Fran Lebowitz

62.) Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein

63.) You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
Melanie Clark

Tip: These funny love quotes make great captions for photos on social media like Facebook and Instagram.

Quotes about loving you so much.

Quotations about Relationships

64.) Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
Natasha Leggero

65.) Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
Richard Jeni

66.) Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Unknown

67.) If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.
Katherine Mansfield

68.) A kiss is a rosy dot over the ‘I’ of loving.
Cyrano de Bergerac

69.) What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.
Pearl Bailey

70.) My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

71.) Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.
Will Ferrell

72.) Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.
Kathy Mohnke

Love and Devotion

73.) Love is a sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Jewish Proverb

74.) Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
Rose Franken

75.) You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
Henny Youngman

76.) When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.
Richard Lewis

77.) Love, at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.
Unknown

78.) True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Erich Segal

79.) The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.
Blaise Pascal

80.) Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Joan Crawford

81.) The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.
Israel Zangwill quotes

82.) Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.
David Sedaris​

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Funny sayings about Love.

Romantic Quotes

83.) I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

84.) Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
Samuel Lover

85.) An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie

86.) Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
Unknown

87.) Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.
Fran Lebowitz

88.) It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.
Lucille Ball

89.) All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

90.) Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck

91.) I love you like a fat kid loves cake.
Unknown

92.) To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup… Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Ogden Nash

93.) There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach.
Barbara Hower

94.) When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.
Molly McGee – From Fibber McGee and Molly fame

95.) Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.
Christopher Marlowe

Funny Love Instagram Captions

96.) I love you more than pizza.

97.) Like rain, I fell for you.

98.) I love you like Chandler loves Monica.

99.) Partners in crime.

100.) Never a dull moment together.

Closing Thoughts

Humor has the power to bring a couple closer and provide a new and different perspective about each other.

You may be married or just starting to see each other; it is always great to share funny love quotes now and then. You will be amazed how your words can have a magical effect on your partner and your relationship.

Give them a reason to laugh together, and your bond will strengthen.

By MJ O’Halloran

MJ writes about relationships, family, and culture.

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