These humorous jokes are not just funny; they are bound to make you laugh for a long time. It’s no doubt that laughing is a great way to connect with family, friends, and loved ones, and you can be sure to find some of these are real gems.
Jokes, especially really humorous ones, not only make us laugh but offer many benefits that positively impact bodies and minds.
Humor At Its Best
We guarantee that the next time you’ve got an audience to impress, these jokes are sure to have everyone cracking up. So, if you need a laugh, or are looking for something fun to add to your text message, email signature, or card, try using one of these funny jokes.
How can you tell a good snack from a bad one?
The good one always comes through when the chips are down.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
They say he made a mint.
How do you make anti-freeze?
Take away her blanket.
What does a martial arts expert drink?
What do you call a crab that plays baseball?
A pinch hitter.
Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it’s two-tired.
Not all math puns are bad.
Laugh Out Loud
My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances.
Well, she’s in for a shock.
My friend has got a butler who only has one arm.
Serves him right.
My favorite color is purple.
I like it more than blue and red combined.
A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
How did the beaver get online?
He logged on.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
If you take your watch to be fixed, make sure you don’t pay upfront.
Wait until the time is right.
What Is Humor?
Many people assume that humor is anything that causes laughter, but the important thing to remember is that humor comes in many forms. There really is no universally agreed-on definition of it, but simply put, it’s mostly anything that relaxes the body, gets people to breathe, causes a smile, or elicits happiness is humor.
Happy Birthday Humor
What was the average age of a caveman?
Patient: Doctor, I get a strong stinging feeling in my eyes every time I eat a birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, blow out the candles.
From a certain age, birthdays are like a reverse countdown.
Well, Abby, Birthday to you.
What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday?
What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy?
They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
What sort of birthday cake should you eat during Halloween?
I Scream Cake.
What goes up and never comes down?
Why do we put candles on top of birthday cakes?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom.
What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older.
When’s your birthday?
Did you hear about the power outage at the college library?
Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
What do my college’s football team and pot have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
What does the average student at one college get on his SAT?
What’s the definition of an optimist?
A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find the money.
What kind of ships do students study on?
Why was the geometry class always tired?
Because they were all out of shape.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in colleges.
Who’s the king of the classroom?
What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
Why was school easier for cave people?
Because there was no history to study.
Why did the boy study on an airplane?
Because he wanted to get a higher education.
I was caught studying the periodic table in English class…it was an elementary mistake.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
Stop going in circles and get to the point.
Funny Jokes Meme
Why are gravediggers overweight?
Due to their cemetery lifestyle.
Why did the old lady go to jail?
Because she stole a kilt and plaid guilty.
Cleaning mud can lead to a life of grime. It’s a slippery slop.
What do you call someone who steals flip-flops?
A cleft-toe maniac.
Would you please not touch my elbow? Do it, and I’ll have you charged with arm rubbery.
What’s the most dangerous vegetable?
Setting fire to a cemetery is an act of tomb fuellery.
The mattress thief was cot in the act, bed-handed.
What did the kid do when his scooter got stolen?
Which way did the computer programmer go?
He went data way.
Because he didn’t Node how to Express himself.
Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they can’t C#.
What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte. (You might like Best Hobbit Quotes)
Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache.
What’s the best way to get by in the computer class?
Bit by bit.
Why did the computer spy quit?
He couldn’t hack it anymore.
What does a computer programmer eat for lunch?
Why did IBM and Apple computers get a divorce?
They weren’t compatible.
How did computers buy a new car?
They all chipped in.
Where are delinquent disk drives sent?
To boot camp.
How do you find a spider on the internet?
Check out his website.
Why did the maid refuse to clean the computer?
She didn’t do Windows.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Money talks…but all mine ever says is goodbye.
How do you keep your dreams alive?
By hitting the snooze button.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Snore, and you sleep alone
If you need so much space, there’s always NASA.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psychopath.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
I was wondering why the baseball coming towards me was getting bigger…then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He’s lucky it was a soft drink.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital.
When his grandmother called the doctor to ask how he was doing, he said, ‘no change yet.”
I did a theoretical play on puns…really, it was just a play on words.
If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Where does the sheep get his hair cut?
The baa-baa shop!
Why did the M&M go to school?
He wanted to be a Smartie.
Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Best Short Jokes
What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a snail?
What do you call two bananas on the floor?
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Why are elevator jokes the funniest?
Because they work on so many levels.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
Hear about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’?
There’s no menu; you only get what you deserve.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Clever Short Jokes
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants while he played?
In case he got a hole-in-one.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice!
What do you call a singing laptop?
How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.
Why was the belt arrested?
Because it was holding up some pants.
What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
Why did the bee get married?
He found his honey.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Laugh Out Loud Jokes
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand?
A palm tree.
Why is a football stadium always cold?
It has lots of fans.
What do you call a tired bull?
What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip.
Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back.
Why did the Daddy Rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?
By the bark.
What makes a sick lemon feel better?
Why didn’t the skeleton get a prom date?
He didn’t have the guts to ask anyone.
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
How do bees brush their hair?
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
By Molly Lewis
Molly is a writer based in Orlando, Florida.
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