Monday can be the worst day of the week. We believe in countering tough times with humor, so think of our Monday jokes as medicine for the first day of the work week.
While Mondays can be full of anxiety and dread some weeks, it’s the first day back to work. On the brighter side, it presents hopes and possibilities.
You’ve got to get through Monday to Tuesday – and eventually through Friday – and with the right attitude, you’re well on your way.
Here are some jokes to help you do just that.
Funniest Monday Jokes
1.) I got fired from my job on Monday because of my obsession with the long jump.
On the plus side, I cleared my desk on the way out.
2.) What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings?
3.) If Sunday and Monday were fighting, who would win?
Sunday because Monday is a weak day (weekday).
4.) Me: How often would I need to come in to learn the splits?
Coach: Depends on how flexible are you?
Me: Well, I can’t do Mondays.
5.) God invented Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.
6.) Why did the magicians in class get the best marks on their tests on Monday?
They got all of the trick questions right!
If you like Monday jokes, you’re going to love our Friday puns and memes.
7.) What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
8.) Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the start of the week?
He was Monday laundering! (money)
9.) What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday?
He called it a day!
(Two Monday calendar jokes in a row! BAM!)
10.) Due to a lack of interest, Monday has been canceled.
11.) What’s worse than a rainy Friday?
A sunny Monday.
12.) Why did Monday cross the road?
To get to the weekend on the other side.
13.) Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays?
For encourage-mint (encouragement).
14.) What question did the employee ask Monday?
“You’re always in a hurry to come back. Don’t you think it would be lovely if you got a hobby?”
See some interesting takes on the first day of the work week with Monday sayings.
15.) If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.
16.) What is Avocadro’s favorite day of the week?
17.) Why is Monday like a math problem?
Because on Mondays, you add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, and divide the happiness.
18.) Why is Monday the worst day of the week?
Because it’s the first day after two days of freedom.
Relatable Monday Humor
19.) How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings?
Have a Gouda (good) week!
20.) What do you call a sundae (Sunday) that melts away and turns into the garbage?
21.) What do Mondays and hangovers have in common?
Monday is like a morning hangover; you want it to be over.
22.) What’s the best advice for the start of the work week?
Just take it Monday (one day) at a time!
23.) What’s the saddest part of the week?
Monday mourning (morning).
24.) What’s long, hard, and waiting for you?
Monday, and it’s just around the corner.
25.) Why was the broom late for school on Monday?
He over-swept (overslept)!
26.) What is worse than Mondays?
For everyone in the working world today: It’s a Tuesday… which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
27.) Did you know why Monday is the most hated day of the week?
Monday is the start of the workweek, but it’s also the end of the weekend.
You might also find Wednesday jokes amusing.
Clean Monday Quips
28.) Why did the zombie have to stay home from school on Monday?
He was feeling rotten!
29.) What do you call an ant that sells medicine from Monday to Friday and helps a farmer on the weekend?
30.) Why did the cat have to stay home from school on Monday?
He wasn’t feline (feeling) very well!
31.) Why couldn’t the ghost leave school on Monday?
He was the school spirit.
32.) Why did the skeleton do poorly in school on Monday?
His heart wasn’t in it!
33.) What do kids do on Mondays during vacation?
The same thing they do every other day.
34.) Why can’t Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday lift Saturday or Sunday?
Because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are weak-days (weekdays)!
35.) Knock Knock.
Heymon-day (Hey! Monday) is here already!
Famous Monday Jests
36.) What did the cashew say on Monday morning?
Monday always drives me nuts!
37.) Why does Gordon Ramsay not like WWE on Monday Nights?
Because it’s RAW!
38.) What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday?
39.) Where did the music teacher leave her keys on Monday?
In the piano.
40.) Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday?
He was a Monday-lorian (Mandalorian).
41.) How do you make time go fast on Monday?
Throw a clock!
42.) Do you give your 100% at work?
I do! It’s 13% on Monday, 30% on Tuesday, 30% on Wednesday, 23% on Thursday, and 4% on Friday.
Short Jokes about Mondays
43.) Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
44.) Monday is the root of all evil.
45.) Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link. (weak)
46.) Monday isn’t that bad – just 48 hours ago, it was a sadder-day (Saturday)!
47.) After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
48.) Why was the acid always in a bad mood on a Monday morning?
He was an a-mean-o (amino) acid!
49.) Monday is the reason we need coffee.
50.) Monday is like a fresh cup of coffee, bitter but necessary.
51.) If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
Monday Jokes For Work
52.) What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?
Time to beheaded to work.
53.) Why do fish always congregate on Mondays?
It’s the start of the school week!
54.) What does Sonic need a lot on Mondays?
55.) Why was the M&M excited to get to school on Monday?
He wanted to be a Smartie!
56.) How did the hen feel on Monday?
57.) What’s the best day of the week for NASA to launch a rocket?
58.) What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week?
Monday morning quarterbacks.
59.) What happened to the witches who broke the school rules on Monday?
They got ex-spelled (expelled)!
60.) Did you know that Monday is like a speed bump?
Because it slows you down, but eventually, you get over it.
61.) Do you know how a Monday morning feels?
Like a Sunday evening with a hangover.
62.) Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at Monday jokes?
He didn’t find them humerus (humorous)!
63.) Did you hear about the African who loved Monday Mornings?
He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye (guy).
64.) In a calendar, Monday comes before Sunday. But when does Monday come before Sunday?
In the dictionary!
65.) What’s the best time to get a discount on robotic parts?
66.) What did the zookeeper say to her aardvark when he passed by on Monday morning?
Why the long face?
67.) What day of the week are demons most tired?
De-Monday (The Monday)!
68.) Who is every employee’s favorite villain?
Hilarious Monday Puns
69.) Knock, knock.
70.) What is large on Sunday and Saturday, small on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and disappears on Monday?
The letter “S.”
71.) Why did the robot have trouble focusing at school on Monday?
He was a little rusty!
72.) On what day do ghosts do their howling?
73.) What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
74.) What did the cyclops say when he was told to wake up for school on Monday Morning?
Eye don’t want to get up!
75.) Did you know how the Gregorian Calendar was created?
Sunday: Greg. Monday: Ian. Tuesday: Greg. Wednesday: Ian. Thursday: Greg. Friday: Ian. Saturday: Greg
76.) What is the best way to describe Monday?
77.) In a galaxy far, far away, who is always eager to start a new work week?
The Monday-lorians (Mandalorian).
78.) Monday is the day that reminds us that we have to work for five more days.
79.) I love Tuesdays because it is the farthest I can get from Mondays
80.) Monday is a reminder that the weekend is over, and it’s time to return to reality.
81.) Why was the pirate excited about school on Monday?
He had arrrr-t class!
82.) Call NASA immediately if you should catch me smiling on a Monday. An alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise.
83.) Work is usually easy, but once in a while, it gives me a run for my Monday.
84.) Monday is like a morning traffic jam; it’s slow and frustrating.
85.) Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked, Monday. The weekend goes by way too fast.
86.) If you look at it on the bright side, Monday only comes once a week.
87.) Monday mornings are like a fresh start, except it’s the same old Monday.
88.) Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad and sometimes angry, and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason
89.) I hate Sundays because they give birth to Mondays.
90.) Isn’t it weird how you can have an amazing weekend and still find yourself surrounded by the same wooden desks and wooden people come Monday morning?
91.) Every day is new. It’s just a new day. I look at six hours at a time.
92.) Monday is great for becoming too busy to die.
93.) Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.
94.) It was the kind of Sunday to make one ache for Monday morning.
95.) Mondays are the start of the work week which offers new beginnings 52 times a year!
96.) I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.
97.) On the bright side, at least Mondays happen only once a week.
98.) If Monday were a movie, it would be long and boring. Is it ok if we skip ahead?
Here are some more silly Monday jokes!
99.) How do the hens feel on Monday morning?
100.) What’s the saddest part of the week?
101.) How is it possible that a man came to a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed for one night before returning home on Monday?
The horse’s name was Monday!
102.) I need a day in-between Sunday and Monday.
103.) Make every weekend a three-day weekend, and Mondays won’t seem so bad.
104.) Why do employees get discouraged after six months on the job?
They have a case of the Mondays.
105.) I was going to wish you a happy Monday, but it sounded like, “Enjoy your colonoscopy!”
106.) Why was the root vegetable so happy on Monday?
He was up-beet (upbeat)!
107.) What did Mars ask Saturn?
Can you give me a ring on Monday?
108.) How did the bees get to school on Monday?
By the school buzz (school bus)!
109.) Happy pre-pre-pre-pre-Friday!
110.) Have you heard about the shortest horror story in history?
It is called: “Monday.”
Monday Jokes FAQ
1.) What do you call a person who loves Mondays? Retired. 2.) What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday? He called it a day!
1.) Why was the broom late for school on Monday? He over-swept! (overslept). 2.) Why did the magicians in class get the best marks on their tests on Monday? They got all of the trick questions right!
1.) What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings? Meet-less Mondays. 2.) I got fired from my job on Monday because of my obsession with the long jump. On the plus side, I cleared my desk on the way out.
May all your Mondays be magnificent!
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Greeting Card Poet.
You are on our Best Monday Jokes Ever page.
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