Funny birthday quotes for cards, letters, notes, Facebook posts, emails, texts, and more. Choose a favorite quotation and combine it with a birthday wish for a winning combination.
See the menu at bottom of the page for more birthday-related pages. And, now, the best of the funny birthday quotes.
The Best, Funny Birthday Quotes
- Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin Pierce Adams
- Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
- Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old
who are only my age.
- Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
- The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
- The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
E. Joseph Cossman
- The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.
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Hilarious and Amusing
- One compensation of old age is that it excuses you from picnics.
- Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.
- Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
- We are so fond of one another because our ailments are the same.
- You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and “you are looking wonderful.”
Francis Cardinal Spellman
- When I was young, the Dead Sea was still alive.
Funny Birthday Quotes for Sister
- Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
- They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
- Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
- I’m six foot eleven. My birthday covers three days.
- The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
- Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
- You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- If you survive long enough, you’re revered — rather like an old building.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
- The first hundred years are the hardest.
- Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Moe (The Simpsons)
- If you’re yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.
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Funny Birthday Quotes for Friends
- I was brought up to respect my elders, and now I don’t have to respect anyone.
- Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
- A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
- Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
- Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
George Bernard Shaw
- Life begins at 40
- I’m not aging, I’m marinating.
- Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
- Middle age is when a man is warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
- Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.
- Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations; and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
- Be kind to your kids, they’ll be choosing your nursing home.
- If things get better with age, then you’re approaching outstanding.
- The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
- You have the wisdom of the ages, but it doesn’t show.
- Wrinkles are the service stripes of life
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Hilarious Birthday Quotes
- Pull out a gray hair and seven will come to its funeral.
- Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
- A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
- Life is one big canvas, throw all the paint you can at it.
- Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you didn’t commit.
- The older you get, the faster you ran as a kid.
- Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
- I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in.
- Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.
- The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
- I intend to live forever — so far, so good!
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