Funny birthday quotes for cards, letters, notes, Facebook posts, emails, texts, and more. Choose a favorite quotation and combine it with a birthday wish for a winning combination.
See the menu at bottom of the page for more birthday-related pages. And, now, the best of the funny birthday quotes.
The Best, Funny Birthday Quotes
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin Pierce Adams
Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old
who are only my age.
Richard Armour
Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
Faith Baldwin
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball
To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
Bernard Baruch
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
E. Joseph Cossman
The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.
Doris Day
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Hilarious and Amusing
One compensation of old age is that it excuses you from picnics.
William Feather
Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.
Bob Hope
Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Satchel Paige
We are so fond of one another, because our ailments are the same.
Jonathon Swift
You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and “you are looking wonderful.”
Francis Cardinal Spellman
When I was young, the Dead Sea was still alive.
George Burns
Funny Birthday Quotes for Sister
Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
Maurice Chevalier
They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
Malcolm Cowley
Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
Georges Clemenceau
I’m six foot eleven. My birthday covers three days.
Darryl Dawkins
The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
T.S. Eliot
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
Jim Fiebig
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Ogden Nash
If you survive long enough, you’re revered — rather like an old building.
Katherine Hepburn
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Groucho Marx
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope
Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Charles Schultz
The first hundred years are the hardest.
Wilson Mizner
Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Moe (The Simpsons)
If you’re yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.
Griff Niblack
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Birthday Wishes Video
Funny Birthday Quotes for Friends
I was brought up to respect my elders; and now I don’t have to respect anyone.
George Burns
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Bob Hope
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx
Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
Anthony Powell
Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
George Bernard Shaw
Life begins at 40
Sophie Tucker
I’m not aging, I’m marinating.
Unknown
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Unknown
Middle age is when a man is warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
Unknown
Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.
Unknown
Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations; and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
Unknown
Be kind to your kids, they’ll be choosing your nursing home.
Unknown
If things get better with age, then you’re approaching outstanding.
Unknown
The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
Unknown
You have the wisdom of the ages, but it doesn’t show.
Unknown
Wrinkles are the service stripes of life
Unknown
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Hilarious Birthday Quotes
Pull out a gray hair and seven will come to its funeral.
Dutch Proverb
Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
Unknown
A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
Unknown
Life is one big canvas, throw all the paint you can at it.
Danny Kaye
Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you didn’t commit.
Anthony Powell
The older you get, the faster you ran as a kid.
Steve Owen
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
Will Rogers
I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in.
Mickey Rourke
Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.
Oscar Wilde
The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
Oscar Wilde
I intend to live forever — so far, so good!
Stephen Wright
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Links
Page 1 – Birthday Wishes
2 – Wishes
3 – Bday Messages
Page 5 – Bday Quotes
6 – Funny Birthday Quotations
7 – For Son
9 – Funny Birthday
Page 10 – 21st Birthday Quotations
