Funny birthday quotes for cards, letters, notes, Facebook posts, emails, texts, and more. Choose a favorite quotation and combine it with a birthday wish for a winning combination.
See the menu at bottom of the page for more birthday-related pages. And, now, the best of the funny birthday quotes.
The Best, Funny Birthday Quotes
- Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin Pierce Adams - Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong - Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old
who are only my age.
Richard Armour - Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
Faith Baldwin - The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball - To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
Bernard Baruch - The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
E. Joseph Cossman - The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.
Doris Day
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Hilarious
- One compensation of old age is that it excuses you from picnics.
William Feather - Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.
Bob Hope - Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash - How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Satchel Paige - We are so fond of one another because our ailments are the same.
Jonathon Swift - You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and “you are looking wonderful.”
Francis Cardinal Spellman - When I was young, the Dead Sea was still alive.
George Burns
Amusing Quotes
- I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
Bernard M. Baruch - Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Rev. Larry Lorenzoni - Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.
Kate Summers - As you get older, though, you realize there are fire extinguishers. You do have an ability to control the flames.
Unknown - With mirth and laughter, let old wrinkles come.
William Shakespeare - They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.
Unknown - There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.
William Barclay - Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
Unknown
Funny Birthday Quotes for Sister
- Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
Maurice Chevalier - They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
Malcolm Cowley - Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
Georges Clemenceau - I’m six foot eleven. My birthday covers three days.
Darryl Dawkins - The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
T.S. Eliot - Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
Jim Fiebig - You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Ogden Nash - If you survive long enough, you’re revered — rather like an old building.
Katherine Hepburn - Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Groucho Marx - You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope - Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Charles Schultz - The first hundred years are the hardest.
Wilson Mizner - Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Moe (The Simpsons) - If you’re yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.
Griff Niblack
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Funny Birthday Quotes for Friends
- I was brought up to respect my elders, and now I don’t have to respect anyone.
George Burns - Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Bob Hope - A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx - Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
Anthony Powell - Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
George Bernard Shaw - Life begins at 40
Sophie Tucker - I’m not aging, I’m marinating.
Unknown - Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Unknown - Middle age is when a man is warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
Unknown
HBD Funny
- Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.
Unknown - Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations; and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
Unknown - Be kind to your kids, they’ll be choosing your nursing home.
Unknown - If things get better with age, then you’re approaching outstanding.
Unknown - The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
Unknown - You have the wisdom of the ages, but it doesn’t show.
Unknown - Wrinkles are the service stripes of life
Unknown - All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.
George Harrison - Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.
Stanislaw Lec
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Hysterical Birthday Quotes
- Pull out a gray hair and seven will come to its funeral.
Dutch Proverb - Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
Unknown - A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
Unknown - Life is one big canvas, throw all the paint you can at it.
Danny Kaye - Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you didn’t commit.
Anthony Powell - The older you get, the faster you ran as a kid.
Steve Owen - Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
Will Rogers - I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in.
Mickey Rourke - Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.
Oscar Wilde - The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
Oscar Wilde - I intend to live forever — so far, so good!
Stephen Wright
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