Wine Puns, Funny Jokes and Memes
There’s truly something about these wine puns that feels so sophisticated but silly at the same time.
Little did you know, puns pair very well with wine, so for your reading delectation, we’ve compiled the most di-vine collection sure to follow a barrel of laughs.
Puns About Wine
Like the drink, the following puns come in all varieties and are popular at parties or small gatherings.
Try your hand at giving these a good swirl around, and you might discover your palate is more diverse than you thought concerning the humor of these silly wine puns. Cheers!
Best Wine Puns
1.) What do you call a mammal that loves merlot?
A winoceros.
2.) How did the cabernet feel after its performance?
On cloud wine.
3.) What did the male wine say to the female?
You had me at Merlot.
4.) Why wasn’t the man scared to talk to the lady in the wine bar?
Because he had liquor courage.
5.) Why are cab bottles scared of vampires?
Because they know they like feasting on necks.
Discover our funny puns on a variety of topics.
Wine Jokes
6.) What did the Merlot say after a long day’s work?
Time to uncork and unwind.
7.) What did the happy red wine say to the sad white?
Hakuna Moscato.
8.) Unlike milk, when is it okay to cry?
When there’s spilled wine.
9.) What is Merlot’s favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Wine-o’s.
10.) What do you get when you cross red, white, and a lion?
A wine bottle that isn’t afraid to show its loud pour.
11.) What did the doctor tell the cupboard?
It may need glasses.
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Short Wine Jokes
12.) Why did the grape get sent to the principal’s office?
Because it was always whining.
13.) Where do grapes go for breakfast?
A winer.
14.) How do you make a sauvignon blanc bottle open up to you?
You have to uncork it first.
15.) How does James Bond like his wine?
Swirled, not stirred.
16.) What do cabernet sauvignon bottles ride for vacation?
On a cruise sip.
17.) What is a grape’s favorite day?
Winesday.
18.) What comes between a person and eternal happiness?
A cork.
19.) Why did the cheese and vino become good friends?
Because they pair well.
20.) What did the merlot bottle yell when he jumped in the pool?
Bottoms up.
Funny Wine Puns
21.) What do you call a wine hangover?
The grape depression.
22.) Why were the grapes in the kitchen so rotten?
Because they had fermented.
23.) Where did the Merlot say it heard the rumors?
Through the grapevine.
24.) Why is every box of raisins a tragedy?
Because they were grapes that could have been wine.
25.) How can you tell which of the wine tasters is visiting a place for the first time?
By the blanc look on their faces.
Hilarious Wine Jokes
26.) Why were there so many complaints about the service at that banquet?
Because the server of the wine did a pour job.
27.) Where do people lock up their drinks?
In a wine cabernet.
28.) What happened when the man drank too much vino?
He ended up getting a cab.
29.) Why was the grape so sad?
Because he had been crushed.
30.) He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious.
I said he had no proof.
Hilarious Wine Puns
31.) You’ll be judged by a jura of your peers.
32.) Don’t worry, I’m an ex-port on dessert wine.
33.) In the blanc of an eye, the wine was gone.
34.) To pinot noir to be?
35.) Red my lips. We need more wine!
Good Puns
36.) Why aren’t grapes ever lonely?
Because they come in bunches.
37.) What is purple and long?
The grape wall of China.
38.) What’s purple and huge and swims in the ocean?
Moby Grape.
39.) If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with?
Sushi.
40.) Let’s rose the roof!
41.) How do you decide how much wine to drink?
Take it on case-by-case basis.
Stupid Wine Jokes
42.) What kind of dog did the winemaker have?
A Bordeaux collie.
43.) What superpower do wine drinkers have?
The ability to make wine disappear.
44.) What is a person’s idea of a balanced diet?
A glass of wine in each hand.
45.) Why did the man rescue the wine?
Because it was trapped in a bottle.
46.) When do men drink alcohol?
Wine o’clock.
Short Wine Jokes
47.) What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
48.) Why couldn’t the white wine make any friends in school?
Because he was too corky.
49.) What did the wine bottle say to others who lost their cork?
Don’t worry, everything happens for a riesling.
50.) What spot did the Malbec come in the race?
Number wine.
51.) Why do they say wine improves with age?
Because the older you get, the more you like it.
52.) Why is it good to share your feelings with a wine bottle?
Because it’s not good keeping them all bottled up.
Clever Wine Jokes
53.) Yesterday, I really wanted wine. Today, I’m drinking it. Follow your dreams.
54.) Wine: Because guys love confusing texts at 3 a.m.
55.) At my age, I need glasses.
56.) My sleep number is 6 – 6 glasses, that is.
57.) Vino: Because you never got a pony.
58.) This pairs perfectly with more of it.
59.) I cook with wine; sometimes, I even add it to the food.
60.) Everything happens for Riesling.
61.) If kids get an ice cream truck, adults deserve a vino truck.
62.) How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma’am, this is the wine aisle at a liquor store.
Silly Wine Jokes
63.) What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
64.) What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
65.) Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine-importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
66.) Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
He was pressed into service!
67.) Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!;
68.) Some people like beer goggles.
I prefer wine glasses.
Amusing Wine Jokes and Puns
69.) What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
70.) What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
71.) I’m a wine enthusiast.
The more I drink, the more enthusiastic i get.
72.) We have an open-door policy.
Show up with wine, and we’ll open the door
73.) A bee goes into a bar.
It comes our two hour later buzzing.
74.) I taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine.
He’s a Bordeaux Collie.
One Line Puns
75.) Our book club only reads wine labels.
76.) Chablis or not chablis.
77.) Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
78.) Caber-yah!
79.) You had me at merlot!
80.) My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick.
81.) Your wine of a million.
82.) The first thing on my bucket list, is to fill the bucket with wine.
83.) Why have a mer;little when you can have a merlot?
Wine Captions for Instagram
84.) No wine left behind.
85.) Sip happens.
86.) It’s wine o’clock somewhere in the world.
87.) Love the wine you’re with. (a glass-ic wine pun)
88.) Another glass? Wine not!
89.) What’s the difference between a schmuck and a hunk? Two glasses of wine.
90.) Every raisin is the tragic tale of a grape that could’ve been wine.
91.) Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
92.) Money can’t buy happiness unless, of course, you use it to buy wine.
93.) Will you accept this rose?
94.) Sorry, I drew a blanc.
95.) Que syrah syrah!
96.) You’re wine in a million.
More Instagram Captions
97.) Save water, and drink wine.
98.) Wine Tasting Team Captain.
99.) At my age, I need glasses.
100.) Do you know what rhymes with today? Wine.
101.) Sip back and relax.
102.) Yes, I wine a lot.
103.) I wonder if wine thinks about me, too.
104.) I make pour decisions.
105.) Corks are for quitters.
106.) This wine glass must be broken. It’s empty again.
107.) Oh, sweet child of wine.
108.) Sip, sip, hooray!
109.) Stop and smell the roses.
110.) This one died on the vine.
111.) On cloud wine.
112.) Grape minds think alike.
113.) I’m in a grape mood!
Favorite Wine Puns
114.) What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
115.) What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine?
Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
116.) I’ve learned to use relaxation and meditation to handle stress.
Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
117.) It’s funny how eight glasses of water a day seems impossible, but eight glasses of wine is a sign of a good meal.
By Michael O’Halloran
Michael O’Halloran founded Greeting Card Poet in 2014 and has worked as its publisher and editor ever since. He has co-authored four books on kids’ trivia and four on coaching. Previously, Michael was the president of Magnetic Poetry. He has invented and brought to market over 75 new gift and toy products, most of which involve wordplay. Mike is married and a father of four daughters.
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You’re on the Wine Puns page.
More punny pages:
Santa Claus and Christmas Trees
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