Marriage Quotes
Marriage quotes from authors, celebrities, and comediennes are featured on this page.
When you or someone you know have matrimony plans in the works, have a look at these words of wisdom. You might just find some inspirational messages.
Funny Marriage Quotes
1.) Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky.
Cathy Ladman
2.) A man doesn’t know what real happiness is until he’s married. Then it’s too late.
Henny Youngman
3.) A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
Tim Allen
4.) You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife starts wearing the wedding ring on her middle finger.
Dennis Miller
5.) I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
Brian Kiley
6.) I was married for a short time. Just long enough to realize all those comedians weren’t joking.
Daniel Lybra
Being Married Sayings Funny
7.) Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do.
Bettina Arndt
8.) The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
9.) When a couple of young people strongly devoted to each other commence to eat onions, it is safe to pronounce them engaged.
James Montgomery Bailey
10.) My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Jack Benny
11.) Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
12.) Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.
Helen Gurley Brown
13.) Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
Gary Busey
Check out: How to Address Wedding Invites
14.) All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
Lord Byron
15.) I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Jean Illsley Clarke
16.) Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Joan Crawford
17.) My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
18.) I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
19.) Marriage is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.
Mae West
20.) A kiss is a rosy dot over the “I” of loving.
Cyrano de Bergerac
21.) My husband and I have never considered divorce – murder sometimes, but never divorce.
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Marriage Quotations Funny
22.) If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.
Miles Davis
23.) Gravitation can’t be held responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein
24.) Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.
James Garner
25.) Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
Matt Groening
26.) I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
27.) They say married men live longer. It just seems longer.
Bobby Slayton
28.) My wife and I have been married for almost a year. The first year’s the hardest, and the second’s even harder.
Tom Arnold
Humorous Insights
29.) People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Bob Hope
30.) If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.
Lawrence Housman
31.) Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death, do them join.
Elbert Hubbard
32.) Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
Franklin P. Jones
33.) Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.
Jean Kerr
34.) If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
Alan King
35.) He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
Ring Lardner
36.) If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.
Fran Lebowitz
37.) Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.
Fran Lebowitz
38.) If I get married, I want to be very married.
Audrey Hepburn
39.) Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three meals a day and remembering to carry out the trash.
Joyce Brothers
Good Marriage Quotes for Happy Couples
40.) Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.
Emily Brontë
41.) The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all of the time.
Julia Child
42.) We love the things we love for what they are.
Robert Frost
43.) Each day I love you more today than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
Rosemonde Gerard
44.) Where there is love, there is life.
Mahatma Gandhi
45.) Two souls with but a single thought. Two hearts that beat as one.
Friedrich Halm
46.) What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Good Marriage Sayings
47.) There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create.
John Lennon
48.) To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
49.) You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Dr. Seuss
(Great marriage quotes can come from a children’s book author.)
See Most Romantic Marriage Proposals.
Best Marriage Quotations
50.) We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
Mother Teresa
51.) There is no remedy for love but to love more.
Henry David Thoreau
52.) To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
Mark Twain – for more of the top Mark Twain Quotations
53.) To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage
Lao Tzu
54.) There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.
Unknown
55.) To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott
Check out What to Write in a Wedding Card
Inspirational Marriage Sayings
56.) Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
57.) Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.
Franz Schubert
58.) When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.
Richard Lewis
59.) If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.
Katherine Mansfield
60.) I wasn’t kissing her; I was whispering in her mouth!
Chico Marx
61.) The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
H.V. Prochnow
62.) Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it.
Helen Rowland
63.) Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.
Phyllis Schlafly
64.) Love is sharing your popcorn.
Charles Schultz
65.) True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Erich Segal
66.) By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates
67.) If love is the answer, could you rephrase the questions?
Lily Tomlin
68.) I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since.
Arturo Toscanini
Tip: Use these marriage quotes for captions on social media.
Quotations about Marriage
69.) Marriage is like a workshop where the man works and the woman shops.
Unknown
70.) Car Manufacturer’s formula for a successful marriage: Stick to one model!
Unknown
71.) A husband’s last words should always be, “Ok, buy it.”
Unknown
72.) Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.
Unknown
73.) Five words for a successful marriage: “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
Unknown
74.) Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Unknown
75.) If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.
Unknown
76.) To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.
Unknown
77.) A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt.
Unknown
78.) Love is a sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Unknown
79.) Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
Unknown
80.) I am a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.
Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
Marriage Quotes for Husband
81.) Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
Unknown
82.) A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.
Unknown
83.) The four most important words in any marriage: “I’ll do the dishes.”
Unknown
84.) Never, under any circumstances, should you argue with a spouse who is currently packing your parachute!
Unknown
85.) A good marriage is like a casserole – only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
Unknown
86.) Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.
Judith Viorst
87.) Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.
Judith Viorst
88.) We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
89.) We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.
Henny Youngman
For Wife
90.) What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.
Leo Tolstoy
91.) Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.
Plato
92.) The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about.
Bruce Forsyth
Memorable Marriage Quotes
93.) Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever-changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.
Fawn Weaver
94.) What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life–to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?
George Eliot
95.) There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
Martin Luther
96.) When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
When Harry Met Sally
97.) Love, at first sight, is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
Sam Levenson
98.) To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.
Elizabeth Gilbert
99.) What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life–to strength each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?
George Eliot
100.) I love your feet because they have wandered over the earth and through the wind and water until they brought you to me.
Pablo Neruda
Soul Mates
101.) Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Kahlil Gibran
102.) I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me… every day.
Nicholas Sparks
103.) My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
Winston Churchill
104.) The older you get, the more you realize that it isn’t about material things or pride or ego. It’s about our hearts and who they beat for.
J. Sterling
105.) Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, and penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
Maya Angelou
106.) Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.
Jennifer Smith
Marital Advice
107.) A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin
108.) A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.
Andre Maurois
109.) Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
Harville Hendrix
110.) A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Ruth Bell Graham
111.) A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.
Fawn Weaver
112.) Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.
Fran Schubert
113.) A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Dave Meurer
Wedding Quotes
114.) A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
Unknown
115.) Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Will Ferrell
116.) The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little extra every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.
Fawn Weave
117.) To find someone who will love you for no reason and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.
Robert Brault
118.) Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different, and each one is beautiful.
Maggie Reyes
Inspiring Marriage Advise
119.) The highest happiness on earth is marriage.
William Lyon Phelps
120.) Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.
Simone Signoret
121.) Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.
Stephen Gaines
122.) It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
Fredrich Nietzsche
123.) There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
Homer
124.) The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.
Fawn Weaver
125.) In terms of my marriage, you know, falling in love with my husband was by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Caroline Kennedy
126.) To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
Please let us know if you have any suggestions for our marriage quotes on our Contact page.
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is an author and founder of Greeting Card Poet.
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