Our collection of retirement quotes and sayings will give you ideas for the perfect messaging when one of your colleagues, friends, or family members is retiring.
In addition to expressing appreciation for years of service and thanks for the friendship, retirement can also be a very happy occasion. With joy, comes humor, and we’ve showcased some funny quotations in the mix. Enjoy these 73+ retirement quotes, captions, and sayings!
Happy Retirement Quotes
1.) The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.
2.) I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.
3.) I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
4.) Throughout your career, you have been someone’s boss. Retirement is your chance to be your own.
Best Retirement Quotes
5.) There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes
6.) It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.
7.) The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the best work I was best suited for was retirement.
8.) Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different.
9.) You have to put off being young until you can retire.
10.) My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum-security prison in Hawaii.
11.) You can retire, but you can’t retire from being great!
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Good Retirement Sayings
12.) Retirement has cured many businessman’s ulcers — and given his wife one!
13.) We prefer to avoid men and to shun the world, in order that we may seek in retirement, the only peace that is possessing, the only happiness which is left us to enjoy.
14.) In retirement, a man may have the company of the gods.
15.) Retirement may be looked upon either as a prolonged holiday or as a rejection, a being thrown on to the scrap heap.
Simone De Beauvoir
16.) Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
17.) Retire from work, but not from life.
18.) Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
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Funny Retirement Quotes
19.) When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
20.) Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.
21.) Sooner or later I’m going to die, but I’m not going to retire.
22.) A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
23.) It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.
24.) People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach “retirement” age seem very admirable to me.
25.) I’m not tired. I’m retired.
26.) Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
27.) I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
— John Burrough
Humorous Retirement Quotations
28.) Happiness is not having to set an alarm for the next day.
29.) Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.
30.) Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.
31.) The joy of retirement is having nothing to do and all day to do it.
32.) As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
33.) The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.
34.) To retire is the beginning of death.
35.) Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.
36.) Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial
Retirement Funny Quotes
37.) There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit… retire!
38.) My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.
39.) Except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
40.) When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
41.) He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
42.) It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.
43.) Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
44.) In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.
45.) You know you’re ready to retire when you think “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot.
Inspirational Retirement Quotes
46.) Happy, Content, Relaxed, Rested, Smiling, Carefree. RETIRED.
47.) The man who looks forward to retirement when he can go fishing seven times a week, soon finds himself doing the dishes three times a day.
48.) During retirement, many a man works harder at loafing than he used to loaf at working.
49.) WARNING: Retired person on the premises — Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell it!
50.) I didn’t retire, I surrendered.
51.) Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
52.) I have never liked working. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.
Danny McGourty, Irish Pool Player
53.) There is no sense in being pessimistic about your retirement. It wouldn’t work anyway.
54.) I’m not calling in sick. I’m calling in gone – as in gone fishing – forever.
55.) I remember being able to wake up and not make sound effects.
Retirement Thank You Sayings
56.) We appreciate all of your hard work. You’ve made it look easy, but, we know you’ve left big shoes to fill.
57.) Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
58.) Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly.
59.) Musicians don’t retire; they stop when there’s no more music in them.
Retirement Sayings for Cake
60.) Life begins at retirement.
61.) Retirement: The money is no better but the hours are.
62.) You know you’re retired when Happy Hour is a nap.
63.) Stay young at heart, kind in spirit, and enjoy retirement living.
Good Retirement Captions
64.) Retirement is not the end of the road. It is the beginning of the open highway.
65.) The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
66.) Hello pension – goodbye tension!
67.) Now, gainfully unemployed!
68.) Time spent in laughter when one is retired is well invested.
69.) You got out alive!
Retirement Captions for Instagram
70.) Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials — much to live on and much to live for.
71.) Off the clock – for good!
72.) Take us with you!
73.) The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
74.) Your new adventure awaits.
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is an author and founder of Greeting Card Poet.
If you have suggestions for retirement quotes and sayings, please let us know via the Contact page. Thanks.
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