Retirement Quotes and Messages

Our collection of retirement quotes and sayings will give you ideas for the perfect messaging when one of your colleagues, friends, or family members is retiring.

In addition to expressing appreciation for years of service and thanks for the friendship, retirement can also be a very happy occasion. With joy, comes humor, and we’ve showcased some funny quotations in the mix. Enjoy these 73+ retirement quotes, captions, and sayings!

Happy Retirement Quotes

1.) The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.

2.) I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.
Merri Brownworth

3.) I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
Andy Rooney

4.) Throughout your career, you have been someone’s boss. Retirement is your chance to be your own.
Andy Atticus

Retirement quotes and sayings.

Best Retirement Quotes

5.) There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes

6.) It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.
Barry Wilkin

7.) The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the best work I was best suited for was retirement.

8.) Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different.
Patrick Foley

9.) You have to put off being young until you can retire.

10.) My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum-security prison in Hawaii.
Julius Sharpe

11.) You can retire, but you can’t retire from being great!

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Good Retirement Sayings

12.) Retirement has cured many businessman’s ulcers — and given his wife one!

13.) We prefer to avoid men and to shun the world, in order that we may seek in retirement, the only peace that is possessing, the only happiness which is left us to enjoy.
Lord Acton

14.) In retirement, a man may have the company of the gods.

15.) Retirement may be looked upon either as a prolonged holiday or as a rejection, a being thrown on to the scrap heap.
Simone De Beauvoir

16.) Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
Gene Perret

17.) Retire from work, but not from life.
M.K. Soni

18.) Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
Malcolm Forbes

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Funny Retirement Quotes

19.) When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

20.) Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.
Author Unknown

21.) Sooner or later I’m going to die, but I’m not going to retire.
Margaret Mead

22.) A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
Ella Harris

23.) It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.
Barry Wilkin

24.) People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach “retirement” age seem very admirable to me.
Helen Hayes

25.) I’m not tired. I’m retired.

26.) Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
Gene Perret

27.) I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
John Burrough

Humorous Retirement Quotations

28.) Happiness is not having to set an alarm for the next day.

29.) Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.
Betty White

30.) Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.
Samuel Johnson

31.) The joy of retirement is having nothing to do and all day to do it.

32.) As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
Earl Nightingale

33.) The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.
George Foreman

34.) To retire is the beginning of death.
Pablo Casals

35.) Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.

36.) Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial

Retirement Funny Quotes

37.) There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit… retire!
Groucho Marx

38.) My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.
Jerry Seinfeld

39.) Except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley

40.) When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
R.C. Sherriff

41.) He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
Douglas Adams

42.) It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason

43.) Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
Jonathan Clements

44.) In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.
Mason Cooley

45.) You know you’re ready to retire when you think “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot.

Inspirational Retirement Quotes

46.) Happy, Content, Relaxed, Rested, Smiling, and Carefree. RETIRED.

47.) The man who looks forward to retirement when he can go fishing seven times a week soon finds himself doing the dishes three times a day.

48.) During retirement, many a man works harder at loafing than he used to loaf at working.
Evan Esar

49.) WARNING: Retired person on the premises — Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell it!

50.) I didn’t retire; I surrendered.

51.) Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die.

52.) I have never liked working. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.
Danny McGourty, Irish Pool Player

53.) There is no sense in being pessimistic about your retirement. It wouldn’t work anyway.

54.) I’m not calling in sick. I’m calling in gone – as in gone fishing – forever.

55.) I remember being able to wake up and not make sound effects.

Retirement Thank You Sayings

56.) We appreciate all of your hard work. You’ve made it look easy, but, we know you’ve left big shoes to fill.

57.) Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

58.) Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly.

59.) Musicians don’t retire; they stop when there’s no more music in them.
Louis Armstrong

Retirement Sayings for Cake

60.) Life begins at retirement.

61.) Retirement: The money is no better but the hours are.

62.) You know you’re retired when Happy Hour is a nap.

63.) Stay young at heart, kind in spirit, and enjoy retirement living.

Good Retirement Captions

64.) Retirement is not the end of the road. It is the beginning of the open highway.

65.) The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
Abe Lemons

66.) Hello pension – goodbye tension!

67.) Now, gainfully unemployed!

68.) Time spent in laughter when one is retired is well invested.

69.) You got out alive!

Retirement Captions for Instagram

70.) Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials — much to live on and much to live for.

71.) Off the clock – for good!

72.) Take us with you!

73.) The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

74.) Your new adventure awaits.

75.) Honey, I’m home -forever.

Motivational Retirement Quotes

76.) Often, when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.
Fred Rogers

77.) Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.
J. A. West

78.) Stay young at heart, kind in spirit, and enjoy retirement living.
Danielle Duckery

79.) I’m not just retiring from the company; I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.
Hartman Jule

80.) There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it ‘retirement.’ I call it bliss.
Betty Sullivan

81.) Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work.
Clarence Darrow

82.) Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means choice.
Dianne Nahirny

83.) For many, retirement is a time for personal growth, which becomes the path to greater freedom.
Robert Delamontague

84.) Retirement is the only time in your life when time no longer equals money.

85.) I’m always announcing my retirement. I’m still not retired.
Dick Van Dyke

86.) Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.
George Burns

Retirement Wishes

87.) Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.
J. Lubbock

88.) He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.

89.) There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.
Sophia Loren

90.) When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

91.) Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Mark Twain

92.) For retirement brings repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things.
John Sharp Williams

93.) If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.
Doug Larson


94.) Age is just a number, but retirement is one of the greatest gifts to mankind.

95.) I see retirement as just another of these reinventions, another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself.
Walt Mossberg

96.) Retirement’s the most wonderful thing. I get to enjoy all the things I never stopped to notice on the way up. After an extraordinary life, it’s time to enjoy my retirement.
Patrick Macnee

97.) As you embark on the exciting journey into retirement, you will experience a transition that will be both thrilling and terrifying.
Olivia Greenwell

98.) How do you know it’s time to retire? It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

99.) It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different.
Patrick Foley

100.) You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
C.S. Lewis

By Mike O’Halloran

Mike is an author and founder of Greeting Card Poet.


If you have suggestions for retirement quotes and sayings, please let us know via the Contact page. Thanks.

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