Our collection of retirement quotes and sayings will give you ideas for the perfect messaging when one of your colleagues, friends, or family members is retiring.
In addition to expressing appreciation for years of service and thanks for the friendship, retirement can also be a very happy occasion. With joy, comes humor, and we’ve showcased some funny quotations in the mix. Enjoy these 73+ retirement quotes, captions, and sayings!
Happy Retirement Quotes
1.) The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.
Unknown
2.) I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.
Merri Brownworth
3.) I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
Andy Rooney
4.) Throughout your career, you have been someone’s boss. Retirement is your chance to be your own.
Andy Atticus
Best Retirement Quotes
5.) There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes
6.) It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.
Barry Wilkin
7.) The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the best work I was best suited for was retirement.
Unknown
8.) Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different.
Patrick Foley
9.) You have to put off being young until you can retire.
Unknown
10.) My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum-security prison in Hawaii.
Julius Sharpe
11.) You can retire, but you can’t retire from being great!
Unknown
Check out Congratulations on Your Success Wishes.
Good Retirement Sayings
12.) Retirement has cured many businessman’s ulcers — and given his wife one!
Unknown
13.) We prefer to avoid men and to shun the world, in order that we may seek in retirement, the only peace that is possessing, the only happiness which is left us to enjoy.
Lord Acton
14.) In retirement, a man may have the company of the gods.
Epimenides
15.) Retirement may be looked upon either as a prolonged holiday or as a rejection, a being thrown on to the scrap heap.
Simone De Beauvoir
16.) Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
Gene Perret
17.) Retire from work, but not from life.
M.K. Soni
18.) Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
Malcolm Forbes
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Funny Retirement Quotes
19.) When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
20.) Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.
Author Unknown
21.) Sooner or later I’m going to die, but I’m not going to retire.
Margaret Mead
22.) A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
Ella Harris
23.) It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.
Barry Wilkin
24.) People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach “retirement” age seem very admirable to me.
Helen Hayes
25.) I’m not tired. I’m retired.
Unknown
26.) Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
Gene Perret
27.) I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
— John Burrough
Humorous Retirement Quotations
28.) Happiness is not having to set an alarm for the next day.
Unknown
29.) Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.
Betty White
30.) Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.
Samuel Johnson
31.) The joy of retirement is having nothing to do and all day to do it.
Unknown
32.) As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
Earl Nightingale
33.) The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.
George Foreman
34.) To retire is the beginning of death.
Pablo Casals
35.) Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.
Unknown
36.) Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial
Seneca
Retirement Funny Quotes
37.) There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit… retire!
Groucho Marx
38.) My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
39.) Except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
40.) When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
R.C. Sherriff
41.) He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
Douglas Adams
42.) It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason
43.) Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
Jonathan Clements
44.) In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.
Mason Cooley
45.) You know you’re ready to retire when you think “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot.
Unknown
Inspirational Retirement Quotes
46.) Happy, Content, Relaxed, Rested, Smiling, Carefree. RETIRED.
Unknown
47.) The man who looks forward to retirement when he can go fishing seven times a week, soon finds himself doing the dishes three times a day.
Unknown
48.) During retirement, many a man works harder at loafing than he used to loaf at working.
Evan Esar
49.) WARNING: Retired person on the premises — Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell it!
Unknown
50.) I didn’t retire, I surrendered.
Unknown
51.) Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Unknown
52.) I have never liked working. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.
Danny McGourty, Irish Pool Player
53.) There is no sense in being pessimistic about your retirement. It wouldn’t work anyway.
Unknown
54.) I’m not calling in sick. I’m calling in gone – as in gone fishing – forever.
Unknown
55.) I remember being able to wake up and not make sound effects.
Unknown
Retirement Thank You Sayings
56.) We appreciate all of your hard work. You’ve made it look easy, but, we know you’ve left big shoes to fill.
Unknown
57.) Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain
58.) Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly.
Unknown
59.) Musicians don’t retire; they stop when there’s no more music in them.
Louis Armstrong
Retirement Sayings for Cake
60.) Life begins at retirement.
Unknown
61.) Retirement: The money is no better but the hours are.
Unknown
62.) You know you’re retired when Happy Hour is a nap.
Unknown
63.) Stay young at heart, kind in spirit, and enjoy retirement living.
Good Retirement Captions
64.) Retirement is not the end of the road. It is the beginning of the open highway.
65.) The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
Abe Lemons
66.) Hello pension – goodbye tension!
67.) Now, gainfully unemployed!
68.) Time spent in laughter when one is retired is well invested.
69.) You got out alive!
Retirement Captions for Instagram
70.) Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials — much to live on and much to live for.
71.) Off the clock – for good!
72.) Take us with you!
73.) The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
74.) Your new adventure awaits.
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is an author and founder of Greeting Card Poet.
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