Retirement Quotes and Messages

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2 – Retirement Quotes

Our collection of retirement quotes and sayings will give you ideas for the perfect messaging when one of your colleagues, friends or family members is retiring.

In addition to expressing appreciation for years of service and thanks for friendship, retirement can also be a very happy occasion. With joy, comes humor, and we’ve showcased some funny quotations in the mix. Enjoy!

Happy Retirement Quotes

The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.
Unknown

I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.
Merri Brownworth

I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
Andy Rooney

Retirement Sayings

Retirement has cured many businessman’s ulcers — and given his wife one!
Unknown

We prefer to avoid men, and to shun the world, in order that we may seek in retirement, the only peace that is possessing, the only happiness which is left us to enjoy.
Lord Acton

In retirement, a man may have the company of the gods.
Epimenides

Retirement may be looked upon either as a prolonged holiday or as a rejection, a being thrown on to the scrap heap.
Simone De Beauvoir

Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
Gene Perret

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
Malcolm Forbes

Retire from work, but not from life.
M.K. Soni

Funny Retirement Quotes

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.
Author Unknown

Sooner or later I’m going to die, but I’m not going to retire.
Margaret Mead

A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
Ella Harris

It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.
Barry Wilkin

People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach “retirement” age seem very admirable to me.
Helen Hayes

I’m not tired. I’m retired.
Unknown

Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
Gene Perret

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
— John Burrough

Happiness is not having to set an alarm for the next day.
Unknown

Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.
Betty White

Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.
Samuel Johnson

The joy of retirement is having nothing to do and all day to do it.
Unknown

As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
Earl Nightingale

The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.
George Foreman

To retire is the beginning of death.
Pablo Casals

Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.
Unknown

Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial
Seneca

Retirement Funny Quotes

There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit . . . . retire!
Groucho Marx

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.
Jerry Seinfeld

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
R.C. Sherriff

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
Douglas Adams

It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
Jonathan Clements

In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.
Mason Cooley

You know you’re ready to retire when you think “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot.
Unknown

Inspirational Retirement Quotes

Happy, Content, Relaxed, Rested, Smiling, Carefree. RETIRED.
Unknown

The man who looks forward to retirement when he can go fishing seven times a week, soon finds himself doing the dishes three times a day.
Unknown

During retirement, many a man works harder at loafing than he used to loaf at working.
Evan Esar

WARNING: Retired person on the premises. Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell it!
Unknown

I didn’t retire, I surrendered.
Unknown

Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Unknown

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.
Danny McGoorty, Irish Pool Player

There is no sense in being pessimistic about your retirement. It wouldn’t work anyway.
Unknown

I’m not calling in sick. I’m calling in gone – as in gone fishing – forever.
Unknown

I remember being able to wake up and not make sound effects.
Unknown

Retirement Thank You Sayings

We appreciate all of your hard work. You’ve made it look easy, but, we know you’ve left big shoes to fill.
Unknown

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly.
Unknown

Musicians don’t retire; they stop when there’s no more music in them.
Louis Armstrong