Funny Positive Quotes to Tickle the Funny Bone

These funny positive quotes will certainly tickle your funny bone. Life is best lived with a sense of humor. Many of life’s difficulties and trivialities can become simpler with just the thought of something humorous.

Here you will find not just amusing quotes but inspirational thoughts too. You can find a deeper insight while also getting the opportunity to get some laughs. Perhaps some of these quotations will stick with you and keep inspiring you over the long haul.

Share these funny positive quotes with friends and loved ones and bring a smile to their faces.

Funny Quotes About Life

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
David Rosam

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
Winston Churchill

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.

Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward!
Martin Henderson

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Edison

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Marilyn Monroe

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barry

funny positive quotes.

Words of Wisdom

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.
Albert Einstein

The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived.
Oscar Wilde

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.
Louis Agassiz

The only normal people are the ones that you don’t know very well.
Alfred Adler

There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything and people who know absolutely nothing.
Oscar Wilde

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
Yiddish Proverb

Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Thomas Szasz

The trouble with the rat race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Lily Tomlin

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
Albert Schweitzer

It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Check out our uplifting quotes to raise your spirits.

Amusing Inspirational Thoughts

There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.
Amy Poehler

If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.
Jim Rohn

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
Winston Churchill

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
Dalai Lama

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White

The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.
W. Clement Stone

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
Ashleigh Brillaint

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
Charles J. Sykes

Quotes To Make You Smile

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
Franklin P. Jones

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer

I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.
Winston Churchill

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
Terry Pratchett

Bad decisions make good stories.
Ellis Vidler

You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
Robin Williams

The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.
Jay McInerney

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
Isaac Asimov

There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.
Roger Staubach

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.
Truman Capote

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Check out: Quotes for Cool People.

Interesting Takes

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Robert Frost

Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
Billie Burke

Who is more foolish? The fool or the fool that follows him?
Alec Guinness

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.
George Bernard Shaw

Aspire to Inspire before you Expire!
Eugene Bell Jr.

If at first, you don’t succeed, think how many people you’ve made happy.
H. Duane Black

You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

To be stupid, selfish and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Gustave Flaubert

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles Schulz

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost

Lift My Spirits Motivational Quotes

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
Joe Girard

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”
Yogi Berra

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.
Mark Twain

Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.
Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Winnie the Pooh

Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!
Jeffrey Gitomer

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
William James

Funny Positive Quotations

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain

I’ve met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you – you’re 20 minutes.
Jan Sterling

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.
Robert Benchley

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.
Madeleine L’Engle

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
Kyle Chandler

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.
Mark Twain

I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Benjamin Franklin

Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.
Bernard Bailey

Laugh Out Loud

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A. Milne

Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.
Robert Brault

Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.
Harry Emerson Fosdick

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?
Sydney Harris

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire

A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
Justin Sewell

I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.
Michael Scott

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Sam Levenson

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve Martin

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Robert Bloch

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney

Funny Motivational Quotes

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.
Richard Bach

Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.
Langston Coleman

A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.
Dolly Parton

The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.
Malcolm Forbes

Funny Inspirational Quotes

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers

It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
Ashleigh Brilliant

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.
Frank Zappa

A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.
Cassandra Duffy

By Andy Atticus

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