Funny Positive Quotes to Tickle the Funny Bone
These funny positive quotes will certainly tickle your funny bone. Life is best lived with a sense of humor. Many of life’s difficulties and trivialities can become simpler with just the thought of something humorous.
Here you will find not just amusing quotes but inspirational thoughts too. You can find a deeper insight while also getting the opportunity to get some laughs. Perhaps some of these quotations will stick with you and keep inspiring you over the long haul.
Share these funny positive quotes with friends and loved ones and bring a smile to their faces.
Funny Quotes About Life
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
David Rosam
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
Winston Churchill
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.
Voltaire
Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward!
Martin Henderson
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Edison
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Marilyn Monroe
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barry
Words of Wisdom
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.
Albert Einstein
The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived.
Oscar Wilde
I cannot afford to waste my time making money.
Louis Agassiz
The only normal people are the ones that you don’t know very well.
Alfred Adler
There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything and people who know absolutely nothing.
Oscar Wilde
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
Yiddish Proverb
Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw
If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Thomas Szasz
The trouble with the rat race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
Albert Schweitzer
It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Check out our uplifting quotes to raise your spirits.
Amusing Inspirational Thoughts
There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.
Amy Poehler
If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.
Jim Rohn
When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
Winston Churchill
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
Dalai Lama
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.
W. Clement Stone
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers
It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
Ashleigh Brillaint
Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
Charles J. Sykes
Quotes To Make You Smile
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
Franklin P. Jones
Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer
I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.
Winston Churchill
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
Terry Pratchett
Bad decisions make good stories.
Ellis Vidler
You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
Robin Williams
The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.
Jay McInerney
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
Isaac Asimov
There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.
Roger Staubach
Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.
Truman Capote
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Check out: Quotes for Cool People.
Interesting Takes
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Robert Frost
Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
Billie Burke
Who is more foolish? The fool or the fool that follows him?
Alec Guinness
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.
George Bernard Shaw
Aspire to Inspire before you Expire!
Eugene Bell Jr.
If at first, you don’t succeed, think how many people you’ve made happy.
H. Duane Black
You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Unknown
To be stupid, selfish and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Gustave Flaubert
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles Schulz
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Robert Frost
Lift My Spirits Motivational Quotes
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
Joe Girard
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
Unknown
If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”
Yogi Berra
A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.
Mark Twain
Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.
Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.
Unknown
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Winnie the Pooh
Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!
Jeffrey Gitomer
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
William James
Funny Positive Quotations
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain
I’ve met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you – you’re 20 minutes.
Jan Sterling
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.
Robert Benchley
The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.
Madeleine L’Engle
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
Kyle Chandler
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.
Mark Twain
I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Benjamin Franklin
Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.
Bernard Bailey
Laugh Out Loud
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A. Milne
Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.
Robert Brault
Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Unknown
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde
When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?
Sydney Harris
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
Justin Sewell
I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.
Michael Scott
You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Sam Levenson
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve Martin
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Robert Bloch
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney
Funny Motivational Quotes
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.
Richard Bach
Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.
Langston Coleman
A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.
Dolly Parton
The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.
Malcolm Forbes
Funny Inspirational Quotes
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers
It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
Ashleigh Brilliant
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.
Frank Zappa
A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.
Cassandra Duffy
By Andy Atticus
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