Home » Blog » Graduation » Funny Graduation Quotes

Funny Graduation Quotes

Funny graduation quotes can be a great addition to a graduation message on a card or on social media.

Our collection of funny graduation quotes is sure to generate a laugh or two while also passing along some words of wisdom. Among the humorous, hopefully, you’ll find something you like for that fun-loving graduate you know.

They should know that the tassel is worth the hassle.

Funny Graduation Quotes

1.) You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
David Barry

2.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
Harry Banks

3.) Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.
Al Bernstein

On success - funny graduation quotes.

4.) In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
Tom Bodett

5.) The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown

6.) I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald

7.) I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
Jim Carrey

8.) Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill

9.) Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, and never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost, and you see a path; then, by all means, you should follow that.
Ellen DeGeneres

10.) Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
T.S. Eliot

graduation quotes and sayings.

Hilarious Quotations on Graduating

11.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields (One of our favorite, funny graduation quotes!)

12.) As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.
Will Ferrell

13.) You may build a building or hit someone over the head. The choice is yours.
Jodie Foster

14.) When I was here, there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate…because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.
Barney Frank

15.) Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
Benjamin Franklin

16.) My formula for success is to rise early, work late, and strike oil.
Paul Getty

17.) You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg

18.) I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant because the customer is always right.
Mitch Hedberg

19.) On behalf of frogs, fish, pigs, bears, and all of the other species who are lower than you on the food chain, thank you for dedicating your lives to saving our world and our home.
Kermit the Frog – See Sesame Street Day Quotes and Jokes

20.) The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.
Ann Landers

Funny Graduation Quotes for Yearbook.

Amusing Quotes for the Graduate

21.) Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.
Seth MacFarlane

22.) I’ve never studied anything formally. I was excluded from school at the age of 17, so I am an autodidact, which is a word that I have taught myself.
Alan Moore

23.) A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.
Robert Orben

24.) Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces.
Amy Poehler

25.) A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt

26.) My favorite animal is the turtle. The reason is that in order for the turtle to move, it has to stick its neck out.
Dr. Ruth

27.) I, too, turned to Webster’s Dictionary, and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.
Andy Samberg

28.) Our school was so tough the student newspaper had an obituary column.

29.) The school of experience will repeat the lesson if you flunked the first time.
Unknown (Some funny graduation quotes come with a message.)

30.) This wasn’t like High School Musical at all.

31.) Well, I’m not usually one for speeches – Goodbye!

32.) A woman’s reach should exceed her grasp, or what’s heaven for?
Kurt Vonnegut

Check this out: Congratulations Graduation Messages

Tip: Play to your audience. Sometimes graduation quotes might work for one person who likes a laugh, and other times not for folks who are more serious. Ask yourself, does the recipient have a good sense of humor?

For College and High School

33.) If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
Milton Berle

34.) Be Santa Claus when you can.
Jimmy Buffett

35.) Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next, and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
Stephen Colbert

36.) You will never become a howling success by just howling.
Bob Harrington

37.) Life has a very simple plot: first, you’re here, and then you’re not.
Eric Idle

38.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps

39.) Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.
Amy Poehler

40.) When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
Elvis Presley

41.) Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

42.) You have brains in your head – You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
Dr. Seuss

43.) Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
Homer Simpson

Hunter S. Thompson - wow, what a ride quotation.

The Best Grad Quotes

44.) The best revenge is massive success.
Frank Sinatra

45.) The road to success is always under construction.
Lily Tomlin

46.) Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

47.) Put your future in good hands – your own.

48.) God, please give me patience; if you give me the strength, I will just punch them in the face.

49.) The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

50.) If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.

51.) Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.

52.) The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt

53.) You will never see a U-haul behind a hearse. You can’t take it with you.
Denzel Washington

54.) Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask for any failure.
Earl Wilson

55.) I couldn’t wait for success. I went ahead without it.
Jonathan Winters

56.) It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.
Jerry Zucker

If you have any suggested additions, please let us know. Thanks!

Graduation Images and Memes

Fun Graduation Sayings from Parents

57.) Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when looking back, everything is different?
C.S. Lewis

58.) The unfortunate yet truly exciting thing about your life is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
Jon Stewart

59.) Congrats on getting through the easiest part of life.

60.) All that stands between a graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.

61.) Graduation is a tough day for parents. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come back home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years, they are unemployed.

62.) You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.
Benjamin Franklin

63.) Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.
Erma Bombeck

Cheery Advice for the Graduate

64.) You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.
Andy Samberg

65.) Your life is your story, and the adventure ahead of you is the journey to fulfill your own purpose and potential.
Kerry Washington

66.) The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse.
Edward Koch

67.) Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, and catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover.
Mark Twain

68.) Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
Judy Garland

69.) Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde

70.) There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
C.S. Lewis

Funny Quotes for Sister

71.) Congratulations on four years of pretending your third pick school was your first choice.

72.) Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
Neil Gaiman

73.) The fact that no one understands you doesn’t make you an artist.

74.) Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

75.) A man of genius is privileged only as far as he is genius. His dullness is as insupportable as any other dullness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

76.) We want to apply for a refund on your college education.

77.) So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.
Bill Watterson – Creator of Calvin and Hobbes comic strip

Tip: Use humorous graduation quotes for photo captions on Instagram and Facebook, in photo books, texts, emails, and more.

Funny Graduation Quotes

78.) Don’t take life too seriously; nobody makes it out alive.
Elbert Hubbard

79.) And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
Neil Gaiman

80.) Tommy: Ya know, a lot of people go to college for ten years.
Richard: Yeah, they’re called doctors.
Tommy Boy (the movie)

81.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.

82.) Friends and classmates are God’s way of apologizing to your relatives.

83.) A big shoutout to all of the sidewalks in our town. They kept me off the streets.

84.) I graduated, so now I’m like smart and stuff.

Witty Graduation Sayings for Friends

85.) Experience is the only school from which no one graduates.

86.) I would’ve gone to Hogwarts, but my ACT score was too low.

87.) You can’t get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

88.) Do you know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?

89.) Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.
Napoleon Hill

90.) To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe.
Anatole France

College Graduate Quotes

91.) I can’t wait to hear your name mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.

92.) Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Garry Trudeau

93.) Without Google and Wikipedia, would we even be celebrating your graduation today?

94.) Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

95.) Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.
John Green

96.) I lost a bet because you graduated.

97.) We always knew you’d barely graduate.

98.) My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.
Lin-Manuel Miranda

99.) We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde

Superman works alone meme.

Funny Sayings for the Graduate

100.) Worry is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
Erma Bombeck

101.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.

102.) People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

103.) You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down as long as it’s one fewer than the number of times you get back up.
Aaron Sorkin

104.) So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.
Ed Helms

Lighthearted Quotes for the Graduate

105.) When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.

106.) Struggling to decide what to do after graduation is, and always will be, a sort of rite of passage to the next phase of your life.
Gloria Davidson

107.) If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.
Frank A. Clark

108.) If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
Muhammad Ali

109.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers

110.) To those of you who received honors, awards, and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too may one day be president of the United States.
George W. Bush

111.) The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
Russell Bake

Really Funny Graduation Quotes

112.) Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Gary Bolding

113.) Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.

114.) The only place where success comes before work is the dictionary.
Vidal Sassoon

115.) The road to success is always under construction.
Lily Tomlin

116.) Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.
John Dewey

Funny Quotes About School

117.) School is learning things you don’t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn’t know while working toward a future you don’t know will ever come.
Dave Kellet

118.) A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt

119.) During a test, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

120.) If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
Robert Goheen

121.) As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.
Cokie Roberts

122.) At graduation, you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.
Greg Tamblyn

123.) High School looks so much cooler on TV.

124.) There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.
William Glasser

125.) Student: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Well, of course not.
Student: I didn’t do my homework.

126.) Group projects make me understand why Superman works alone.

127.) Of course, there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: The freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
Lawrence Lowell

Inspirational Graduation Quotes

128.) Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.
Malcolm X

129.) It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
E. E. Cummings

130.) Your education is a dress rehearsal for a life that is yours to lead.
Nora Ephron

131.) Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau

132.) Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.
Tom Brokaw

133.) Do all the other things, the ambitious things—travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes…but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.
George Saunders

134.) We do not need magic to change the world; we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
JK Rowling

Yearbook Graduation Quotes

135.) Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition; they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Steve Jobs

136.) What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

137.) We may live in an age of instant messaging, instant gratification, and Instagram, but there is no way to short-circuit the path to success.
Tory Burch

138.) Now the first suggestion is to aim high but be aware that even before you have reached your ultimate professional destination, if you always strive for excellence, you can and should have a substantial impact on the world in which you live.
Sandra Day O’Connor

139.) This path does not belong to your parents, your teachers, your leaders, or your lovers. Your path is your character defining itself more and more every day, like a photograph coming into focus.
Jodie Foster

140.) Don’t just get involved. Fight for your seat at the table. Better yet, fight for a seat at the head of the table.
Barack Obama

141.) You may not always have a comfortable life, and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.
Michelle Obama

Short Funny Graduation Quotes

142.) There are no regrets in life. Just lessons.
Jennifer Aniston

143.) Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.
Albert Einstein

144.) Instruction ends in the schoolroom, but education ends only with life.
Frederick W. Robertson

145.) Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path, and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

146.) Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.
Martin Luther King Jr.

147.) The old rules are crumbling, and nobody knows what the new rules are. So make up your own rules.
Neil Gaiman

148.) The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
Russell Baker

149.) Be wise because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
Neil Gaiman

150.) Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Garry Trudeau

Funny Graduation Quotes FAQ

Here are some frequently asked questions about funny graduation quotes.

What’s something funny to write in a graduation card?

Remember the Theodore Roosevelt quote, “A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal from the whole railroad.”

What did Will Ferrell say about graduation?

Will Ferrell said, “As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.”

What are some funny senior graduation quotes?

Mark Twain wrote, “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” Dr. Seuss wrote, “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”

By Mike O’Halloran

Mike is the founder and editor of Greeting Card Poet.


You are on our 150 Funny Graduation Quotes page.

Hopefully, these selections might inspire you, your friends, and your family. They’re great for graduation, educators or graduates. Check out these other graduation pages:

Graduating Wishes

Card Messages




High School

What to write on graduation cards

Similar Posts