Funny graduation quotes can be a great addition to a graduation message on a card or on social media.
Our collection of funny graduation quotes is sure to generate a laugh or two while also passing along some words of wisdom. Among the humorous, hopefully, you’ll find something you like for that fun-loving graduate you know.
They should know that the tassel is worth the hassle.
Funny Graduation Quotes
1.) You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
2.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
3.) Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.
4.) In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
5.) The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
6.) I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
7.) I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
8.) Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.
9.) Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, and never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost, and you see a path; then, by all means, you should follow that.
10.) Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
Hilarious Quotations on Graduating
11.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields (One of our favorite, funny graduation quotes!)
12.) As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.
13.) You may build a building or hit someone over the head. The choice is yours.
14.) When I was here, there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate…because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.
15.) Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
16.) My formula for success is to rise early, work late, and strike oil.
17.) You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.
18.) I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant because the customer is always right.
19.) On behalf of frogs, fish, pigs, bears, and all of the other species who are lower than you on the food chain, thank you for dedicating your lives to saving our world and our home.
Kermit the Frog – See Sesame Street Day Quotes and Jokes
20.) The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.
Amusing Quotes for the Graduate
21.) Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.
22.) I’ve never studied anything formally. I was excluded from school at the age of 17, so I am an autodidact, which is a word that I have taught myself.
23.) A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.
24.) Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces.
25.) A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
26.) My favorite animal is the turtle. The reason is that in order for the turtle to move, it has to stick its neck out.
27.) I, too, turned to Webster’s Dictionary, and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.
28.) Our school was so tough the student newspaper had an obituary column.
29.) The school of experience will repeat the lesson if you flunked the first time.
Unknown (Some funny graduation quotes come with a message.)
30.) This wasn’t like High School Musical at all.
31.) Well, I’m not usually one for speeches – Goodbye!
32.) A woman’s reach should exceed her grasp, or what’s heaven for?
Check this out: Congratulations Graduation Messages
Tip: Play to your audience. Sometimes graduation quotes might work for one person who likes a laugh, and other times not for folks who are more serious. Ask yourself, does the recipient have a good sense of humor?
For College and High School
33.) If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
34.) Be Santa Claus when you can.
35.) Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next, and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
36.) You will never become a howling success by just howling.
37.) Life has a very simple plot: first, you’re here, and then you’re not.
38.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps
39.) Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.
40.) When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
41.) Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
42.) You have brains in your head – You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
43.) Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
The Best Grad Quotes
44.) The best revenge is massive success.
45.) The road to success is always under construction.
46.) Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
47.) Put your future in good hands – your own.
48.) God, please give me patience; if you give me the strength, I will just punch them in the face.
49.) The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
50.) If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
51.) Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
52.) The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
53.) You will never see a U-haul behind a hearse. You can’t take it with you.
54.) Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask for any failure.
55.) I couldn’t wait for success. I went ahead without it.
56.) It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.
If you have any suggested additions, please let us know. Thanks!
Fun Graduation Sayings from Parents
57.) Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when looking back, everything is different?
58.) The unfortunate yet truly exciting thing about your life is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
59.) Congrats on getting through the easiest part of life.
60.) All that stands between a graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.
61.) Graduation is a tough day for parents. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come back home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years, they are unemployed.
62.) You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.
63.) Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.
Cheery Advice for the Graduate
64.) You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.
65.) Your life is your story, and the adventure ahead of you is the journey to fulfill your own purpose and potential.
66.) The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse.
67.) Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, and catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover.
68.) Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
69.) Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.
70.) There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
Funny Quotes for Sister
71.) Congratulations on four years of pretending your third pick school was your first choice.
72.) Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
73.) The fact that no one understands you doesn’t make you an artist.
74.) Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
75.) A man of genius is privileged only as far as he is genius. His dullness is as insupportable as any other dullness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
76.) We want to apply for a refund on your college education.
77.) So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.
Bill Watterson – Creator of Calvin and Hobbes comic strip
Tip: Use humorous graduation quotes for photo captions on Instagram and Facebook, in photo books, texts, emails, and more.
Funny Graduation Quotes
78.) Don’t take life too seriously; nobody makes it out alive.
79.) And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
80.) Tommy: Ya know, a lot of people go to college for ten years.
Richard: Yeah, they’re called doctors.
Tommy Boy (the movie)
81.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
82.) Friends and classmates are God’s way of apologizing to your relatives.
83.) A big shoutout to all of the sidewalks in our town. They kept me off the streets.
84.) I graduated, so now I’m like smart and stuff.
Witty Graduation Sayings for Friends
85.) Experience is the only school from which no one graduates.
86.) I would’ve gone to Hogwarts, but my ACT score was too low.
87.) You can’t get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
88.) Do you know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?
89.) Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.
90.) To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe.
College Graduate Quotes
91.) I can’t wait to hear your name mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.
92.) Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
93.) Without Google and Wikipedia, would we even be celebrating your graduation today?
94.) Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
95.) Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.
96.) I lost a bet because you graduated.
97.) We always knew you’d barely graduate.
98.) My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.
99.) We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Funny Sayings for the Graduate
100.) Worry is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
101.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
102.) People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
103.) You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down as long as it’s one fewer than the number of times you get back up.
104.) So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.
Lighthearted Quotes for the Graduate
105.) When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.
106.) Struggling to decide what to do after graduation is, and always will be, a sort of rite of passage to the next phase of your life.
107.) If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.
Frank A. Clark
108.) If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
109.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
110.) To those of you who received honors, awards, and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too may one day be president of the United States.
George W. Bush
111.) The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
Really Funny Graduation Quotes
112.) Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
113.) Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.
114.) The only place where success comes before work is the dictionary.
115.) The road to success is always under construction.
116.) Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.
Funny Quotes About School
117.) School is learning things you don’t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn’t know while working toward a future you don’t know will ever come.
118.) A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
119.) During a test, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.
120.) If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
121.) As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.
122.) At graduation, you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.
123.) High School looks so much cooler on TV.
124.) There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.
125.) Student: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Well, of course not.
Student: I didn’t do my homework.
126.) Group projects make me understand why Superman works alone.
127.) Of course, there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: The freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
Inspirational Graduation Quotes
128.) Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.
129.) It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
E. E. Cummings
130.) Your education is a dress rehearsal for a life that is yours to lead.
131.) Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau
132.) Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.
133.) Do all the other things, the ambitious things—travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes…but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.
134.) We do not need magic to change the world; we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
Yearbook Graduation Quotes
135.) Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition; they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
136.) What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
137.) We may live in an age of instant messaging, instant gratification, and Instagram, but there is no way to short-circuit the path to success.
138.) Now the first suggestion is to aim high but be aware that even before you have reached your ultimate professional destination, if you always strive for excellence, you can and should have a substantial impact on the world in which you live.
Sandra Day O’Connor
139.) This path does not belong to your parents, your teachers, your leaders, or your lovers. Your path is your character defining itself more and more every day, like a photograph coming into focus.
140.) Don’t just get involved. Fight for your seat at the table. Better yet, fight for a seat at the head of the table.
141.) You may not always have a comfortable life, and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.
Short Funny Graduation Quotes
142.) There are no regrets in life. Just lessons.
143.) Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.
144.) Instruction ends in the schoolroom, but education ends only with life.
Frederick W. Robertson
145.) Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path, and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
146.) Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.
Martin Luther King Jr.
147.) The old rules are crumbling, and nobody knows what the new rules are. So make up your own rules.
148.) The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
149.) Be wise because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
150.) Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Funny Graduation Quotes FAQ
Here are some frequently asked questions about funny graduation quotes.
Remember the Theodore Roosevelt quote, “A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal from the whole railroad.”
Will Ferrell said, “As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.”
Mark Twain wrote, “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” Dr. Seuss wrote, “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Greeting Card Poet.
You are on our 150 Funny Graduation Quotes page.
Hopefully, these selections might inspire you, your friends, and your family. They’re great for graduation, educators or graduates. Check out these other graduation pages: