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Funny graduation quotes always make an entertaining read. Below is our collection of favorites. Among the humorous and the witty, hopefully, you’ll find something you like in all of our topics for that fun loving graduate you know.
32 Funny Graduation Quotes by Famous Folks
- You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
- Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.
- In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
- I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
- I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
- Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
- Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
- Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.W.C. Fields
- As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.Will Ferrell
- You may build a building or hit someone over the head. The choice is yours.Jodie Foster
- When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate…because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.Barney Frank
- Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.Benjamin Franklin
- My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.Paul Getty
- You know, I’m sick of following my dreams man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.Mitch Hedberg
- I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, ’cause the customer is always right.Mitch Hedberg
- On behalf of frogs, fish, pigs, bears and all of the other species who are lower than you on the food chain, thank you for dedicating your lives to saving our world and our home.Kermit the Frog
- The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.Ann Landers
- Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.Seth MacFarlane
- I’ve never studied anything formally. I was excluded from school at the age of 17, so I am an autodidact, which is a word that I have taught myself.Alan Moore
- A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.Robert Orben
- Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces.Amy Poehler
- A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.Theodore Roosevelt
- My favorite animal is the turtle. The reason is that in order for the turtle to move, it has to stick its neck out.Dr. Ruth
- I too turned to Webster’s Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.Andy Samburg
- Our school was so tough, the student newspaper had an obituary column.Unknown
- The school of experience will repeat the lesson if you flunked the first time.Unknown
- This wasn’t like High School Musical at all.
- Well, I’m not usually one for speeches – Goodbye!
- A woman’s reach should exceed her grasp, or what’s a heaven for?Kurt Vonnegut
Tip: Play to your audience. Sometimes funny graduation quotes work for the right person, and other times not. Ask yourself, does the recipient have a good sense of humor?
25 Funny Graduation Quotations for College and High School
- If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
- Be Santa Claus when you can.
- Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
- You will never become a howling success by just howling.
- I was blessed with a mother who was in a constant state of wonder…And whenever I’d complain or be upset about something, my mother had the same advice: “Darling, change the channel. You are in control of the clicker. Don’t replay the bad, scary movie.
- Life has a very simple plot: first you’re here and then you’re not.
- If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps
- Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.
- When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
- Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
- You have brains in your head – You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
- Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
- The best revenge is massive success.
- The road to success is always under construction.
- Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
- Put your future in good hands – your own.
- God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
- Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
- The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
- If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
- Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
- You will never see a U-haul behind a hearse. You can’t take it with you.
- Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
- I couldn’t wait for success. I went ahead without it.
- It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.
If you have any suggested additions for funny graduation quotes, please let us know. Thanks!
Fun Graduation Sayings from Parents
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when look back, everything is different.
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
Congrats on getting through the easiest part of life.
All that stands between a graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.
Graduation is a tough day for parents. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come back home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years, they are unemployed.
You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.
Funny Quotes for Sister
Congratulations on four years of pretending your third pick school was your first choice.
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t make you an artist.
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
We’d like to apply for a refund on your college education.
Bill Watterson – Creator of Calvin and Hobbes comic strip
Funny Graduation Quotes
Don’t take life too seriously, nobody makes it out alive.
Tommy: Ya know, a lot of people go to college for ten years.
Richard: Yeah, they’re called doctors.
Tommy Boy (the movie)
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
Friends and classmates are God’s way of apologizing for your relatives.
A big shoutout to all of the sidewalks in our town. They kept me off the streets.
I graduated so now I’m like smart and stuff.
Witty Graduation Sayings for Friends
Experience is the only school from which no one graduates.
I would’ve gone to Hogwarts but my ACT score was too low.
You can’t get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?
I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.
Without Google and Wikipedia, would we even be celebrating your graduation today?
Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
I lost a bet because you graduated.
We always knew you’d barely graduate.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Funny Sayings for the Graduate
Worry is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up.
So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.
Funny Quotes About School
School is learning things you don’t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn’t know, while working toward a future you don’t know will ever come.
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
During a test, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation and left and right for information.
As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.
High School looks so much cooler on TV.
There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.
Student: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Well, of course not.
Student: I didn’t do my homework.
Group projects make me understand why Superman works alone.
Hopefully these funny graduation quotes inspire you, friends and family. They’re great for graduation, an educator or graduates. If you have any suggestions for Funny Graduation Quotes, please let us know on the Contact page. Thanks.
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