Funny Graduation Quotes
Funny graduation quotes can be a great addition to a graduation message on a card or on social media.
Our collection of funny graduation quotes is sure to generate a laugh or two while also passing along some words of wisdom. Among the humorous, hopefully, you’ll find something you like for that fun-loving graduate you know.
They should know that the tassel is worth the hassle.
Funny Graduation Quotes
1.) You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
David Barry
2.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
Harry Banks
3.) Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.
Al Bernstein
4.) In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
Tom Bodett
5.) The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown
6.) I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald
7.) I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
Jim Carrey
8.) Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill
9.) Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, and never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost, and you see a path; then, by all means, you should follow that.
Ellen DeGeneres
10.) Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
T.S. Eliot
Hilarious Quotations on Graduating
11.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields (One of our favorite, funny graduation quotes!)
12.) As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.
Will Ferrell
13.) You may build a building or hit someone over the head. The choice is yours.
Jodie Foster
14.) When I was here, there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate…because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.
Barney Frank
15.) Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
Benjamin Franklin
16.) My formula for success is to rise early, work late, and strike oil.
Paul Getty
17.) You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg
18.) I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant because the customer is always right.
Mitch Hedberg
19.) On behalf of frogs, fish, pigs, bears, and all of the other species who are lower than you on the food chain, thank you for dedicating your lives to saving our world and our home.
Kermit the Frog – See Sesame Street Day Quotes and Jokes
20.) The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.
Ann Landers
Amusing Quotes for the Graduate
21.) Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.
Seth MacFarlane
22.) I’ve never studied anything formally. I was excluded from school at the age of 17, so I am an autodidact, which is a word that I have taught myself.
Alan Moore
23.) A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.
Robert Orben
24.) Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces.
Amy Poehler
25.) A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt
26.) My favorite animal is the turtle. The reason is that in order for the turtle to move, it has to stick its neck out.
Dr. Ruth
27.) I, too, turned to Webster’s Dictionary, and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.
Andy Samberg
28.) Our school was so tough the student newspaper had an obituary column.
Unknown
29.) The school of experience will repeat the lesson if you flunked the first time.
Unknown (Some funny graduation quotes come with a message.)
30.) This wasn’t like High School Musical at all.
Unknown
31.) Well, I’m not usually one for speeches – Goodbye!
Unknown
32.) A woman’s reach should exceed her grasp, or what’s heaven for?
Kurt Vonnegut
Check this out: Congratulations Graduation Messages
Tip: Play to your audience. Sometimes graduation quotes might work for one person who likes a laugh, and other times not for folks who are more serious. Ask yourself, does the recipient have a good sense of humor?
For College and High School
33.) If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
34.) Be Santa Claus when you can.
Jimmy Buffett
35.) Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next, and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
Stephen Colbert
36.) You will never become a howling success by just howling.
Bob Harrington
37.) Life has a very simple plot: first, you’re here, and then you’re not.
Eric Idle
38.) If, at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps
39.) Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.
Amy Poehler
40.) When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
Elvis Presley
41.) Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
42.) You have brains in your head – You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
Dr. Seuss
43.) Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
Homer Simpson
The Best Grad Quotes
44.) The best revenge is massive success.
Frank Sinatra
45.) The road to success is always under construction.
Lily Tomlin
46.) Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
Unknown
47.) Put your future in good hands – your own.
Unknown
48.) God, please give me patience; if you give me the strength, I will just punch them in the face.
Unknown
49.) The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Unknown
50.) If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
Unknown
51.) Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
Unknown
52.) The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt
53.) You will never see a U-haul behind a hearse. You can’t take it with you.
Denzel Washington
54.) Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask for any failure.
Earl Wilson
55.) I couldn’t wait for success. I went ahead without it.
Jonathan Winters
56.) It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.
Jerry Zucker
If you have any suggested additions, please let us know. Thanks!
Fun Graduation Sayings from Parents
57.) Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when looking back, everything is different?
C.S. Lewis
58.) The unfortunate yet truly exciting thing about your life is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
Jon Stewart
59.) Congrats on getting through the easiest part of life.
Unknown
60.) All that stands between a graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.
Unknown
61.) Graduation is a tough day for parents. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come back home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years, they are unemployed.
Unknown
62.) You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.
Benjamin Franklin
63.) Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.
Erma Bombeck
Cheery Advice for the Graduate
64.) You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.
Andy Samberg
65.) Your life is your story, and the adventure ahead of you is the journey to fulfill your own purpose and potential.
Kerry Washington
66.) The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse.
Edward Koch
67.) Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, and catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover.
Mark Twain
68.) Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
Judy Garland
69.) Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde
70.) There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
C.S. Lewis
Funny Quotes for Sister
71.) Congratulations on four years of pretending your third pick school was your first choice.
Unknown
72.) Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
Neil Gaiman
73.) The fact that no one understands you doesn’t make you an artist.
Unknown
74.) Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Unknown
75.) A man of genius is privileged only as far as he is genius. His dullness is as insupportable as any other dullness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
76.) We want to apply for a refund on your college education.
Unknown
77.) So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.
Bill Watterson – Creator of Calvin and Hobbes comic strip
Tip: Use humorous graduation quotes for photo captions on Instagram and Facebook, in photo books, texts, emails, and more.
Funny Graduation Quotes
78.) Don’t take life too seriously; nobody makes it out alive.
Elbert Hubbard
79.) And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
Neil Gaiman
80.) Tommy: Ya know, a lot of people go to college for ten years.
Richard: Yeah, they’re called doctors.
Tommy Boy (the movie)
81.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
Unknown
82.) Friends and classmates are God’s way of apologizing to your relatives.
Unknown
83.) A big shoutout to all of the sidewalks in our town. They kept me off the streets.
Unknown
84.) I graduated, so now I’m like smart and stuff.
Unknown
Witty Graduation Sayings for Friends
85.) Experience is the only school from which no one graduates.
Unknown
86.) I would’ve gone to Hogwarts, but my ACT score was too low.
Unknown
87.) You can’t get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
Unknown
88.) Do you know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?
Unknown
89.) Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.
Napoleon Hill
90.) To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe.
Anatole France
College Graduate Quotes
91.) I can’t wait to hear your name mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.
Unknown
92.) Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Garry Trudeau
93.) Without Google and Wikipedia, would we even be celebrating your graduation today?
Unknown
94.) Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers
95.) Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.
John Green
96.) I lost a bet because you graduated.
Unknown
97.) We always knew you’d barely graduate.
Unknown
98.) My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.
Lin-Manuel Miranda
99.) We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde
Funny Sayings for the Graduate
100.) Worry is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
Erma Bombeck
101.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
Unknown
102.) People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
103.) You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down as long as it’s one fewer than the number of times you get back up.
Aaron Sorkin
104.) So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.
Ed Helms
Lighthearted Quotes for the Graduate
105.) When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.
Unknown
106.) Struggling to decide what to do after graduation is, and always will be, a sort of rite of passage to the next phase of your life.
Gloria Davidson
107.) If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.
Frank A. Clark
108.) If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
Muhammad Ali
109.) The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers
110.) To those of you who received honors, awards, and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too may one day be president of the United States.
George W. Bush
111.) The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
Russell Bake
Really Funny Graduation Quotes
112.) Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Gary Bolding
113.) Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.
Unknown
114.) The only place where success comes before work is the dictionary.
Vidal Sassoon
115.) The road to success is always under construction.
Lily Tomlin
116.) Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.
John Dewey
Funny Quotes About School
117.) School is learning things you don’t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn’t know while working toward a future you don’t know will ever come.
Dave Kellet
118.) A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car, but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt
119.) During a test, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.
Unknown
120.) If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
Robert Goheen
121.) As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.
Cokie Roberts
122.) At graduation, you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.
Greg Tamblyn
123.) High School looks so much cooler on TV.
Unknown
124.) There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.
William Glasser
125.) Student: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Well, of course not.
Student: I didn’t do my homework.
126.) Group projects make me understand why Superman works alone.
Unknown
127.) Of course, there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: The freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
Lawrence Lowell
Inspirational Graduation Quotes
128.) Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.
Malcolm X
129.) It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
E. E. Cummings
130.) Your education is a dress rehearsal for a life that is yours to lead.
Nora Ephron
131.) Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau
132.) Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.
Tom Brokaw
133.) Do all the other things, the ambitious things—travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes…but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.
George Saunders
134.) We do not need magic to change the world; we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
JK Rowling
Yearbook Graduation Quotes
135.) Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition; they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Steve Jobs
136.) What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
137.) We may live in an age of instant messaging, instant gratification, and Instagram, but there is no way to short-circuit the path to success.
Tory Burch
138.) Now the first suggestion is to aim high but be aware that even before you have reached your ultimate professional destination, if you always strive for excellence, you can and should have a substantial impact on the world in which you live.
Sandra Day O’Connor
139.) This path does not belong to your parents, your teachers, your leaders, or your lovers. Your path is your character defining itself more and more every day, like a photograph coming into focus.
Jodie Foster
140.) Don’t just get involved. Fight for your seat at the table. Better yet, fight for a seat at the head of the table.
Barack Obama
141.) You may not always have a comfortable life, and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.
Michelle Obama
Short Funny Graduation Quotes
142.) There are no regrets in life. Just lessons.
Jennifer Aniston
143.) Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.
Albert Einstein
144.) Instruction ends in the schoolroom, but education ends only with life.
Frederick W. Robertson
145.) Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path, and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
146.) Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.
Martin Luther King Jr.
147.) The old rules are crumbling, and nobody knows what the new rules are. So make up your own rules.
Neil Gaiman
148.) The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
Russell Baker
149.) Be wise because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
Neil Gaiman
150.) Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Garry Trudeau
Funny Graduation Quotes FAQ
Here are some frequently asked questions about funny graduation quotes.
Remember the Theodore Roosevelt quote, “A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal from the whole railroad.”
Will Ferrell said, “As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.”
Mark Twain wrote, “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” Dr. Seuss wrote, “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Greeting Card Poet.
Encore
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Hopefully, these selections might inspire you, your friends, and your family. They’re great for graduation, educators or graduates. Check out these other graduation pages:
