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Tips to recent grads make for an interesting read. Below is our collection of favorites. Among the humorous and the witty, hopefully, you’ll find something you like in all of our topics for that fun-loving graduate you know.
32 Funny Graduation Quotes by Famous Folks
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
David Barry
If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
Harry Banks
Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.
Al Bernstein
In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
Tom Bodett
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown
I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald
I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
Jim Carrey
Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill
Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
Ellen DeGeneres
Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
T.S. Eliot
Hilarious Quotations on Graduating
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields
As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.
Will Ferrell
You may build a building or hit someone over the head. The choice is yours.
Jodie Foster
When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate…because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.
Barney Frank
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
Benjamin Franklin
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
Paul Getty
You know, I’m sick of following my dreams man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg
I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, ’cause the customer is always right.
Mitch Hedberg
On behalf of frogs, fish, pigs, bears, and all of the other species who are lower than you on the food chain, thank you for dedicating your lives to saving our world and our home.
Kermit the Frog
The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.
Ann Landers
Amusing Quotes for the Graduate
Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.
Seth MacFarlane
I’ve never studied anything formally. I was excluded from school at the age of 17, so I am an autodidact, which is a word that I have taught myself.
Alan Moore
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.
Robert Orben
Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces.
Amy Poehler
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt
My favorite animal is the turtle. The reason is that in order for the turtle to move, it has to stick its neck out.
Dr. Ruth
I too turned to Webster’s Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.
Andy Samburg
Our school was so tough, the student newspaper had an obituary column.
Unknown
The school of experience will repeat the lesson if you flunked the first time.
Unknown
This wasn’t like High School Musical at all.
Unknown
Well, I’m not usually one for speeches – Goodbye!
Unknown
A woman’s reach should exceed her grasp, or what’s a heaven for?
Kurt Vonnegut
Check this out: Congratulations Graduation Messages
Tip: Play to your audience. Sometimes graduation quotes might work for one person who likes a laugh, and other times not for folks who are more serious. Ask yourself, does the recipient have a good sense of humor?
25 Funny Graduation Quotations for College and High School
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
Be Santa Claus when you can.
Jimmy Buffett
Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
Stephen Colbert
You will never become a howling success by just howling.
Bob Harrington
Life has a very simple plot: first, you’re here and then you’re not.
Eric Idle
If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps
Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.
Amy Poehler
When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
Elvis Presley
Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
You have brains in your head – You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
Dr. Seuss
Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
Homer Simpson
The Best
The best revenge is massive success.
Frank Sinatra
The road to success is always under construction.
Lily Tomlin
Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
Unknown
Put your future in good hands – your own.
Unknown
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
Unknown
Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Unknown
If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
Unknown
Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
Unknown
You will never see a U-haul behind a hearse. You can’t take it with you.
Denzel Washington
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Earl Wilson
I couldn’t wait for success. I went ahead without it.
Jonathan Winters
It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.
Jerry Zucker
If you have any suggested additions, please let us know. Thanks!
Fun Graduation Sayings from Parents
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when look back, everything is different.
C.S. Lewis
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
Jon Stewart
Congrats on getting through the easiest part of life.
Unknown
All that stands between a graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.
Unknown
Graduation is a tough day for parents. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come back home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years, they are unemployed.
Unknown
You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.
Benjamin Franklin
Funny Quotes for Sister
Congratulations on four years of pretending your third pick school was your first choice.
Unknown
Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
Neil Gaiman
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t make you an artist.
Unknown
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Unknown
A man of genius is privileged only as far as he is genius. His dullness is as insupportable as any other dullness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
We’d like to apply for a refund on your college education.
Unknown
So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.
Bill Watterson – Creator of Calvin and Hobbes comic strip
Tip: Use humorous graduation quotes for photo captions on Instagram and Facebook, in photo books, texts, emails, and more.
Funny Graduation Quotes
Don’t take life too seriously, nobody makes it out alive.
Elbert Hubbard
And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
Neil Gaiman
Tommy: Ya know, a lot of people go to college for ten years.
Richard: Yeah, they’re called doctors.
Tommy Boy (the movie)
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
Unknown
Friends and classmates are God’s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Unknown
A big shoutout to all of the sidewalks in our town. They kept me off the streets.
Unknown
I graduated so now I’m like smart and stuff.
Unknown
Witty Graduation Sayings for Friends
Experience is the only school from which no one graduates.
Unknown
I would’ve gone to Hogwarts but my ACT score was too low.
Unknown
You can’t get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
Unknown
You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?
Unknown
College Quotes
I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.
Unknown
Without Google and Wikipedia, would we even be celebrating your graduation today?
Unknown
Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers
I lost a bet because you graduated.
Unknown
We always knew you’d barely graduate.
Unknown
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde
Funny Sayings for the Graduate
Worry is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
Erma Bombeck
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
Unknown
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up.
Aaron Sorkin
So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.
Ed Helms
Funny Quotes About School
School is learning things you don’t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn’t know, while working toward a future you don’t know will ever come.
Dave Kellet
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt
During a test, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation and left and right for information.
Unknown
As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.
Cokie Roberts
High School looks so much cooler on TV.
Unknown
There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.
William Glasser
Student: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Well, of course not.
Student: I didn’t do my homework.
Group projects make me understand why Superman works alone.
Unknown
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Greeting Card Poet.
Encore
Hopefully, these selections might inspire you, friends and family. They’re great for graduation, an educator or graduates. Check out these other graduation pages:
