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Funny Dating Quotes

No matter how your dates turn out, reading funny dating quotes can always keep you grounded and feel light-hearted. Remember, there’s always the next time if it doesn’t work out.

Someone once said that it is impossible to love and be wise at the same time. You don’t always have to be wise to get the best in life. Sometimes being stupid and falling in love can make all the difference in your life.

These funny dating quotes are for almost everyone – whether you are going on your first date or have been through several relationships.

If you are into online dating or are already in a relationship, you will find some of these sayings to be inspirational quotes and others to be full of fun. Please read them, enjoy them, laugh, and share them with friends.

Quotes about Dating

1.) Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury.
Martha Beck

2.) I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
Garry Shandling

3.) It’s always been my personal feeling that unless you are married, there is something that is not very dignified about
talking about who you are dating.
Luke Wilson

4.) A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.
Monica Piper

5.) Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.
Melanie White

Funny Dating Quotes.

Date Night Quotations

6.) Date Night–It’s cheaper than marriage counseling.

7.) Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
Susan Healy

8.) Date night is not optional for those who want to create a close and connected intimate relationship.

9.) Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in 429; a cute, single, smart man, 1 in 3,245,873; when you look your best, 1 in a billion.
Lorna Adler

10.) Date Night is insurance for your marriage.

11.) Date night can be a real oasis in a couple’s life.

Saying I Love You in Funny Ways

funny dating quotes image

Humorous First Date Quotations

12.) I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.
Dave Attell

13.) My father always said, ‘Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.’ So on our first date, I’d nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
Kris McGaha

14.) Valentine’s Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.
Roger Ebert

15.) I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me — I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.
Alex Reed

16.) On the first date, men worry about what they’re going to say, while women worry about what they’re going to wear.

17.) If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time.
Jennifer Lopez

18.) As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
Garrison Keillor

You might like Cute Terms of Endearment.

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Funniest Dating Quotes

19.) There are three rules for dating:
1) Don’t,
2) If you must, just be careful, and
3) Forget the rules; your hormones will win anyway.
Jonathan Lockwood Huie

20.) I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
Zsa Zsa Gabor

21.) Everyone says that looks don’t matter, age doesn’t matter, money doesn’t matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who’s broke.
Rodney Dangerfield

22.) My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.
Jenny McCarthy

23.) I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an incurable disease. I didn’t realize it was stupidity.
Gracie Hart

24.) Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed
dating for clueless people.
Doug Coupland

25.) What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?
Jerry Seinfeld

Check out the National Boyfriend Day page.

Hilarious Insights on Relationships

26.) Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner

27.) I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
Wendy Liebman

28.) Nothing defines humans better than their willingness
to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs.
This is the principle behind lotteries,
dating, and religion.
Scott Adams

29.) An online dating site for really old people is called Carbon Dating.

30.) I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
Mitch Hedberg

31.) Employees make the best dates. You don’t have to pick them up, and they’re always tax-deductible.
Andy Warhol

31.) I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield

Tip: Consider some of these funny dating quotes for photo captions on social media.

Funny Relationship Quotations

32.) Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Albert Einstein

33.) Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
Richard Jeni

34.) The easiest kind of relationship is with ten thousand people; the hardest is with one.

35.) The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.
Linda Festa

36.) My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers

37.) Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Bob Ettinger

38.) Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler

39.) Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
Helen Rowland

40.) If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.
Fran Lebowitz

41.) The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons, they let you play softball on the weekends.
Agatha Christie

42.) Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

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Funniest Girlfriend and Boyfriend Sayings

43.) Save a boyfriend for a rainy day and another in case it doesn’t rain.
Mae West

44.) I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright

45.) My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
Emo Philips

46.) My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.
Rita Rudner

47.) Not every problem someone has with his girlfriend is necessarily due to the capitalist mode of production.
Herbert Marcuse

48.) What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
Cindy Gardner

49.) I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
Tracy Smith

50.) My girlfriend and I never let each other forget how much we love each other. It’s all about reminding the other person how important and special she is to you.
Tyler Hoechlin

Dating and Romance Quips

51.) Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

52.) Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they are.
Will Ferrell

53.) I made sure the moon is full tonight so you can see how beautiful you are in my eyes.

54.) We go together like these fries go with this burger.

55.) Online dating is like online shopping except you’re looking for people no one wants, and it’s $50 a month.
Phil Pivnick

56.) The perfect date is the one where anything and everything goes wrong, but at the end of it, all you want is to see them again.
Dylan O’Brien

57.) Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose.
Whitney Cummings

58.)  I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 
Groucho Marx

59.) Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.
Fran Lebowitz

60.) One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think, “That’s her; she’s the one.”
Eden Dranger

61.) The mom in E.T. had an alien living in her house for days and didn’t notice.

62.) Current relationship status: I made dinner for two. Ate both.

Comic Takes On Dating

63.) I asked this one girl out, and she said, “You got a friend?” I said yes; she said, “Then go out with him.”
Dom Irrera

64.) I don’t get no respect. A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield

65.) Going out with a jerky guy is kind of like having a piece of food caught in your teeth. All your friends notice it before you do.
Livia Squires

66.) My father always said, “Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.” So on our first date, I’d nag the guy for a new dishwasher.”
Kris McGaha

67.) I was out on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun until we ran out of quarters.
Susie Loucks

68.) Dating is a lot like sports. You have to practice; you wok out; you study the greats. You hope to make the team, and it hurts to be cut.

Really Funny Dating Quotes

69.) I’d just like to meet a girl with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Steve Martin

70.) A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman knows.
Monica Piper

71.) My grandmother’s ninety. She’s dating. He’s ninety-three. They’re very happy; they never argue. They can’t hear each other.
Cathy Ladman

72.) Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
Richard Jeni

73.) I’m standing in line at the bakery, and this really cute guy asked for my number. So I had to get another one.
Wendy Liebman

By Mike O’Halloran

Mike is an author and editor of Greeting Card Poet.

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