No matter how your dates turn out, reading funny dating quotes can always keep your grounded and feel light-hearted. Remember, there’s always a next time if it didn’t work out. Someone once said that it is impossible to love and be wise at the same time. You don’t always have to be wise to get the best in life. Sometimes being stupid and falling in love can make all the difference in your life.
These funny dating quotes are for most everyone – whether you are going to your first date or have been through several relationships. If you are into online dating or are already in a relationship, you will find some of these sayings to be inspirational quotes and others to be full of fun. Read them, enjoy them, have a laugh, and share with friends.
Quotes about Dating
Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury.
Martha Beck
I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
Garry Shandling
It’s always been my personal feeling that unless you are married,
there is something that is not very dignified about
talking about who you are dating.
Luke Wilson
A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.
Monica Piper
Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.
Melanie White
Date Night Quotations
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren’t many job interviews where you’ll wind up naked.
Jerry Seinfeld
Date Night–It’s cheaper than marriage counseling.
Unknown
Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
Susan Healy
Date night is not optional for those who want to create a close and connected intimate relationship.
Unknown
Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in 429; a cute, single, smart man, 1 in 3,245,873; when you look your best, 1 in a billion.
Lorna Adler
Date Night is insurance for your marriage.
Unknown
Date night can be a real oasis in a couple’s life.
Unknown
First Date Sayings
I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.
Dave Attell
My father always said, ‘Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.’ So on our first date I’d nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
Kris McGaha
Valentine’s Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.
Roger Ebert
I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me — I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.
Alex Reed
On the first date men worry about what they’re going to say while women worry about what they’re going to wear.
Unknown
If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time.
Jennifer Lopez
As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
Garrison Keillor
Funny Dating Quotes
There are three rules for dating:
1) Don’t
2) If you must, just be careful
3) Forget the rules, your hormones will win anyway.
Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Everyone says that looks don’t matter, age doesn’t matter, money doesn’t matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who’s broke.
Rodney Dangerfield
My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.
Jenny McCarthy
I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an incurable disease. I didn’t realize it was stupidity.
Gracie Hart
Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed
dating for clueless people.
Doug Coupland
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner
I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
Wendy Liebman
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness
to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs.
This is the principle behind lotteries,
dating, and religion.
Scott Adams
An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
Unknown
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tip: Consider some of these funny dating quotes for photo captions on social media.
Relationship Quotations
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Albert Einstein
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
Richard Jeni
The easiest kind of relationship is with ten thousand people, the hardest is with one.
Unknown
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.
Linda Festa
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers
Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Bob Ettinger
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
Helen Rowland
If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.
Fran Lebowitz
The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.
Agatha Christie
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Unknown
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Girlfriend and Boyfriend Sayings
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn’t rain.
Mae West
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
Emo Philips
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.
Rita Rudner
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I came back drunk.
Unknown
Not every problem someone has with his girlfriend is necessarily due to the capitalist mode of production.
Herbert Marcuse
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
Cindy Gardner
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
Tracy Smith
My girlfriend and I never let each other forget how much we love each other. It’s all about reminding the other person how important and special she is to you.
Tyler Hoechlin
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You’re on funny dating quotes.
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