Valentine’s Day jokes, puns, and riddles are appropriate on a fun and flirty holiday. Sharing a laugh with your loved one is a great way to kick the day off and keep things light.
Sure, you want to send a message from the heart (or at the very least from a little candy heart). But, that doesn’t mean the message can’t be funny.
A cute Valentine’s Day joke or pun will brighten the day for your significant other. You can pen a funny saying on a greeting card or send it in a text. The important thing is to go for a smile or giggle. Here is a list of Valentine’s Day jokes and puns guaranteed to elicit a groan at the very least. Use them at your discretion.
Best Valentine’s Day Jokes
1.) They say that love is blind.
If that’s true, why is lingerie such a popular Valentine’s Day gift?
2.) What did the acrobat do on Valentine’s Day?
He fell head over heels in love.
3.) The pastry chef left his wife.
He deserted her.
4.) Bees love Valentine’s Day.
They like to tell each other they’re bee-utiful.
5.) A toy company has a new toy for Valentine’s Day.
They call it Valenslime.
6.) What did the rude woman say to her Valentine’s Day date?
I’ll have a glass of whine.
7.) What did the guy with a sprained ankle tell his nurse?
I’ve got a crutch on you.
8.) How do snakes show their affection on Valentine’s Day?
With a hug and a hiss.
9.) What do bats do on Valentine’s Day?
They hang around.
10.) Where did the smitten couple go to in England?
Good Valentine’s Day Humor
11.) What did the bride of Frankenstein say to her lover?
Frank you for being my friend.
12.) What did the painter tell his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
I love you with all my art.
13.) A quote from a Valentine’s Day card to a stamp.
Stick with me and you’ll go places.
14.) On a hot day, what does one ice cream scoop say to the other?
You make me melt.
15.) Tulips are better than one for kissing.
Jokes for Kids
16.) What did the elephant say to his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day?
I love you a ton.
17.) You’re my butter half.
18.) What did the bread say to the knife on Valentine’s Day?
You look sharp.
19.) On Valentine’s Day the raisin said to the apple, how about a date?
20.) If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.
21.) What is Cupid’s favorite card game?
22.) We go together like mac and cheese.
23.) ChocoLATE is Valentine’s Day candy that’s never on time.
Funny Valentine’s Day Riddles
24.) What did one canoe say to another canoe?
You rock my boat.
25.) What did one drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
My heart beats for you.
26.) You can count on me said the calculator to the pencil on Valentine’s Day.
27.) The best thing to hold on to is each other.
28.) What do you call an affectionate dog on Valentine’s Day?
A Smooch Pooch.
29.) On Valentine’s Day, what did the Prince tell his Princess?
30.) What did one citrus fruit say to the other citrus fruit?
Will you be my Valen-lime?
31.) I like you a bot. In fact, I’m nuts and bolts about you said the robot.
32.) What did the bird say to the other bird while on Valentine’s Day? You’re just ducky.
Check out Long Distance Relationship Quotes.
33.) What did the computer say to the keyboard on Valentine’s Day?
You’re just my type.
34.) The butter told the bun that just came out of the oven on Valentine’s Day…You’re hot!
35.) I’d say you are a banana because I find you a-peeling.
36.) All you need is love, but a little chocolate doesn’t hurt occasionally.
37.) Ten trees died to make this Valentine’s Day card.
38.) What did the bear give his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day?
A big hug.
39.) I love you drooly said the dog to his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day.
40.) The ugly man got a date for Valentine’s Day.
She was desperate.
Short Valentine’s Day Jokes
41.) Always get married early in the day on Valentine’s Day.
That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted an entire day.
42.) I love bee-ing with you, honey, said one bee to the other on Valentine’s Day.
43.) Why are hearts the symbol of Valentine’s Day? Because livers look too yucky.
44.) What did the squirrel tell the other squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
I’m nuts about you!
You might like inspirational love quotes.
Valentine’s Day Joke Meme
Top Valentine Jokes
45.) Our love didn’t love at first sight; it took five to ten minutes.
47.) A man promised his girlfriend a diamond on Valentine’s Day, He took her to a baseball game.
48.) The carpet salesman gave his wife rugs and kisses for Valentine’s Day.
49.) Two tennis players fell in love, it was lob at first sight.
50.) What did one ocean say to the other ocean on Valentine’s Day? Let me count the waves I love you.
51.) Knock, knock.
Yes, Howard who?
Howard you’d like to be my Valentine?
52.) One lemon told another lemon…you’re my main squeeze.
53.) Did you hear what the map said to the compass? I’m lost without you.
54.) What is Cupid’s favorite game? Lawn Darts.
55.) The cardiologist said to the other cardiologist…my heart beats for you.
56.) Artichokes are the most loving of vegetables; they have hearts.
57.) The clock told the watch…I love you big time.
58.) Why did the man eat chocolate before he went to bed? He wanted sweet dreams.
59.) Knock, knock.
Uh, Jimmy who?
Jimmy a little kiss.
60.) The janitor told his wife on Valentine’s Day…you sweep me off my feet.
61.) What did one bike say to the other bike?
I wheelie like you.
Valentine’s Day Joke Image
Valentine’s Day Puns
62.) Happy Valentine’s Day to my significant otter.
63.) You’re my Valentine’s Day glue, I’m stuck on you.
64.) It’s true, I ain’t lion when I say I love you.
65.) You’ve stolen a pizza my heart.
66.) Like a volcano, I lava you.
67.) You had me at yellow.
68.) You’re the berry best.
69.) The pigs were celebrating Valenswines Day!
70.) You make me tingle from my head to-ma-toes.
71.) Two oars make the best rowmance.
72.) You light up my life a whole watt.
73.) One triangle sweetheart said to the other, you’re acute one.
74.) On Valentine’s Day, I fell in love with an oyster. They said I was being shellfish.
75.) One car said to the other car on Valentine’s Day…beep my valentine?
76.) The frog said to the other frog…you’re toadaly the one for me.
Good Valentine’s Puns
77.) Whale you be my Valentine?
78.) You make me feel scentimental.
79.) Olive you so much.
80.) I yam what I yam and I’m all yours.
81.) You and I are mint to be.
82.) If I were a squirrel, I’d give you some Forget-me-nuts on Valentine’s Day.
83.) What did the jacket say to the shirt?
You’re cute as a button.
84.) It’s true, you’re one in a melon.
85.) Peas be my Valentine.
86.) Orange you glad we’re Valentines.
87.) What did the pencil say to the piece of paper on Valentine’s Day?
You are just write for me.
88.) One math teacher told another math teacher…you’re sweet as pi.
89.) The butterfly told his Valentine, you make my heart flutter.
90.) How did the phone propose to his Girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
91.) What did the cat say to his girlfriend?
92.) I’m sorry, I need to take you to jail.
You stole my heart.
93.) What did the bunny say to his sweetheart?
Somebunny loves you.
94.) Do you know what guppy love is?
Two fish in a steamy romance.
95.) What is a ghoulfriend?
A Vampire’s sweetie.
96.) A couple of love birds on Twitter are called what?
97.) Why did Cupid call?
He wants his arrow back.
98.) What did the chocolate sauce say to the ice cream?
I’m sweet on you.
99.) Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, February 14th.
100.) Where did the spaghetti go for Valentine’s Day?
To a meatball.
101.) What did the pickle say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
I’m kind of a big dill.
102.) Who can hug you with eight arms?
Short Valentine’s Day Puns
103.) We’re butter together.
104.) You’ve whisked me off my feet.
105.) I lava you.
106.) You give my life porpoise.
107.) If we could just spend some koala-tee time together.
108.) Aloe you vera much.
109.) I will owl-ways love you.
110.) You are soda-lightful.
111.) I lichen you a lot.
112.) So mushroom in my heart to love you.
Food and Drink Valentine’s Day Puns
113.) You’ve stolen a pizza of my heart.
114.) Olive you so much.
115.) Don’t go bacon my heart.
116.) I love you berry much.
117.) Words can’t expresso how much I love you.
118.) We make a great pear.
How to Tell a Joke
A.) Do know your audience.
B.) Be confident in your joke — deliver the punch line with some gusto.
C.) Pick the right time to unleash your humor.
D.) Establish some rapport with your audience before diving in.
E.) Have a go-to joke ready in case one of your first jokes flops.
F.) Start strong, and finish strong.
Avoid these Blunders
a.) Don’t apologize in advance for your jokes.
b.) Don’t mumble.
c.) Try not to rush your joke-telling.
d.) Don’t go on for too long. Give other folks a chance to tell their own jokes and share in the laughs.
By Tim Moodie
Tim Moodie, a romantic at heart, has been married to his Valentine for over 40 years. He is a Copywriter and Creative Director who spent many years Valentine’s Day cards for Recycled Paper Products. His expressions of love and romance are popular, and he hopes everyone has a memorable Valentine’s Day.
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