Writing Christmas card messages is one of the most cherished moments of the year for some. It is a time when you let your friends and family know how much they matter to you and how much you remember them. While you will be sending dozens of cards, make sure each one has a unique Xmas greeting. Every message should spread joy this holiday season and fill your loved ones’ hearts with love, peace, and happiness.

Writing that perfect Christmas season card can be a challenge, but these greetings make it easier for you to show your love and care.

Best Christmas Messages and Sayings

• May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas eve.
  

  

• Love you to the North Pole and back.
  

  

• Dear Santa, It’s a long story.
  

  

• Don’t stop believing.
  

  

• It’s not what’s under the tree that matters. It’s who’s gathered around it.
  

  

• May God bless you with a festive, loving and peaceful celebration this holiday season and all throughout the year.
  

  

• Dear Santa, please define “nice.”
  

  

• Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.
  

  

• It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
  

  

Christmas card messages, sayings, ideas image

• I love Christmas a lot, but not as much as I love you. I can’t imagine spending the holidays without you. You are such an important part of my life.
  

  

• It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Let us celebrate by spreading goodwill and holiday cheer.
  

  

• May the melody and spirit of the holidays fill your home with love and peace. I wish you all the best.
  

  

• May the spirit of Christmas be with you throughout the New Year.
  

  

• In this loveliest and happiest of seasons, may you find many reasons to celebrate. Have a wonderful season.
  

  

• Christmas is a good excuse to send cards to all my favorite people. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season!
  

  

• The bells are ringing everywhere, and Santa’s on his way, there’s peace blanketing the snow-covered land, on this special day.
  

  

Wishes for the Season

• May the sights and sounds of X-mas work their merry magic in your heart.
  

  

• A special wish: May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
  

  

• Santa is funny – He brings you gifts but the catch is you have to sing a song before you open them.
  

  

• May the sweet magic of the season conspire to gladden your heart and fill every desire.
  

  

• May the timeless message of the season fill your heart and home with joy now and throughout the coming year.
  

  

• Let the spirit of the season warm your home with love, joy and peace. Have a blessed day.
  

  

• Xmas brings family and friends together; it helps us appreciate the love in our lives we can often take for granted. May the true meaning of the holiday season fill your heart and home with many blessings.
  

  

• May the Christmas season fill your home with joy, your heart with love and your life with laughter.
  

  

• Be motivated in everything that you do. Your will is very helpful in reaching your dreams.
  

  

Christmas Card Ideas Meme

Inspirational Xmas

• Prayer works.
  It is very simple to do yet it yields powerful results.
  Don’t forget the reason for the season.

  

• Whatever is beautiful, whatever is meaningful, whatever brings happiness, may it be yours this holiday season and throughout the coming year.
  

  

• May you have the gift of faith, the blessing of hope and the peace of his love at Christmas and always.
  

  

• May Santa bring you the gifts you want and may you never take your blessings for granted. Be thankful and happy holiday wishes to you.
  

  

Funny Christmas Messages

• Hope your holiday’s filled with plenty of ho-ho-ho.
  

  

• Money is scarce, times are hard, but I still managed to get you a card.
  

  

• Just think how bright Jesus’ birthday cake would be if he had a candle for each year since his birth. Good thing he recently switched to LED candles.
  

  

• For Xmas I got you pants with an elastic waistline that you can wear through January. You’re welcome.
  

  

• May your fun be large and bills be small this year. All the best from our house to yours.
  

  

• I had no idea what to write to a friend in a card, so I figured I’d try writing to you first.
  

  

• Why you have to worry when Santa is on his way. Just be patient and wait for him to come with amazing gifts and wishes.
  

  

• If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.
  

  

Snowflakes Meme

Ho-Ho

• Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too, until the credit card bills arrive.
  

  

• Thinking of you this season. Yule be on my mind.
  

  

• There’s usually only one person I can remember to buy a birthday card for each year. His name is Jesus.
  

  

• If you don’t like my present, it’s because you have bad taste. I’ll still wish you the best this season.
  

  

• Can I please have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  

  

• Xmas is a special time to think about peace, love, joy, and weight gain.
  

  

• When people ask me to prove that Santa is real, I ask them to prove to me that he isn’t.
  

  

• I’m trying something new this Christmas. I’m going to wrap myself up and sleep under the tree so you’ll finally understand what a gift I am to all of you.
  

  

• I put so much thought into your gift that it’s now too late to get it. Imagine something great.
  

  

• Hope your holiday season is bright enough that you need sunglasses.
  

  

• The best thing about the holidays is getting to catch up on sleep and TV shows. Enjoy.
  

  

• What’s red and white and round all over? You. After drinking a little bit, eating too much, and rolling around in the snow.
  

  

• Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes. Have a wonderful holiday season.
  

  

• My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season.
  

  

Holiday Weight Gain Meme

Merry & Bright

• Have yourself a merry little Christmas; let your heart be light.
  

  

• This Xmas, my wishes for you are endless; I wish that you have the best health, find love, delightful days, blissful year, bright future, energetic hours and everything that comes with good tidings.
  

  

• Holy Christmas Night. On this holy night may your heart be illuminated with love, joy and peace. We wish you a wonderful season.
  

  

• The holidays are a time to open our hearts to God and his gifts. Just like the rest of the year.
  

  

• May success be with you and everything you do. Happy Holidays!
  

  

• My special wishes to you and to all those who are close to you. May you have a Christmas that is more special than it has ever been. May Baby Jesus bless you abundantly.
  

  

Most Wonderful Time of the Year – Christmas Card Messages

• I hope you awake on Christmas morning feeling like a child again. Merry Xmas and all the best in the New Year.
  

  

• We’re sending our very best wishes and we’re adding this special thought too…an extra Merry Xmas we bring all of you.
  

  

• May the spirit of Xmas bring you and your family hope, happiness and love.
  

  

• As you celebrate the miracle of this special season, may your heart be filled with joy and peace. May these holiday blessings linger in your home and stay with you throughout the year.
  

  

• Wishing you give and receive much love, joy, and peace this season.
  

  

• May you have the gift of Faith, the blessing of Hope, and the peace of His Love at Christmas and always.
  

  

• Good tidings to you and your family.
• Xmas can be many things or it may be a few, but all I wish on this holiday is the best for you.
  

  

Holiday Quotes

• The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature.
  Andy Rooney

  

• The approach of the glad Christmas tide always fills the heart with joy and hope, and quickens into sweet activity a thousand loving thoughts for others.
  Helen Keller

  

• Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly Merry Christmas.
  Peg Bracken

  

• Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
  Norman Vincent Peale

  

• Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.
  Helen Steiner Rice

  

Quotes for the Season

• Christmas is the day that holds all time together.
  Alexander Smith

  

• I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
  Charles Dickens

  

• Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.
  Mo Rocca

  

• May God’s mercy and kindness surround you this Christmas and carry you into a blessed new year.
  Charles Stanely

  

• Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first.
  George Mathew Adams

  

• In this season of hope, let’s help those who need it most – the homeless, the hungry, the sick and shut in.
  President Barack Obama

  

• Let us not forget that the first Christmas was a homeless one. A humble man and woman had gone up from Galilee out of the City of Nazareth to Bethlehem.
  Harry S. Truman

  

• A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.
  Eva K. Logue

  

Happy Holidays Greetings

1. This Xmas, I want you to sing, laugh, reminisce, cry, if you have to, then sing some more and do it all around a full table of food, family and friends. Happy Holidays.
   

   

2. Chilling air, warm cup of coffee, cozy blanket and cuddles full of love. The best time of the year is here, Happy Holidays my dear.
   

   

3. The real joy of the holiday season is the opportunity to say thank you and wish you the very best. Have a fun filled Holiday.
   

   

4. May the good cheer last throughout the year. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season.
   

   

5. My favorite part about the holiday season are all of our Christmas memories together. I’m so thankful to have such loving people in my life. Here’s to many more Christmas memories and too many cookies.
   

   

6. May you have the best holidays ever and may you get to spend a lot of time with the ones you love. Happy holidays
7. Holiday Wishes. This season, may you be blessed with laughter, peace, and love.
   

   

8. May you get to spend the most fun and frolic time with the ones you care this holiday season. Happy holidays!
   

   

9. Happy Holidays. Wishing you every happiness that comes with this holiday season and throughout the coming years.
   

   

Season’s Greetings

1. You’re someone who helps me remember the true reason for the season, and I’m so grateful for you.
   

   

2. The most magical time of the year is here; happy holidays my dear.
   

   

3. Cheers to a cold season as you cozy up in the comfort of your warm home. Happy holidays.
   

   

4. What can be better than opening presents, eating food and singing Christmas music? Doing all those things with family like you.
   

   

5. May God’s blessing shine down upon you and your family this holiday season. Sending love from our family to yours.
   

   

6. We hope this season ends on a joyful note and continues into a safe and prosperous New Year for you and your family.
   

   

7. Winter holidays are the best time to meet and greet the loved one. Hope you have a memorable holiday this year.
   

   

8. Love, joy and peace are the ingredients for a wonderful holiday. We hope you find them all this festive season.
   

   

9. Jingle bells, snowflakes, twinkling light and chilly air… all have come to wish you a very happy holidays
   

   

For Friends

• Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone else.
  Charles Schulz

  

• With sincere appreciation for your friendship and goodwill, we wish you all the joys of this holiday season.
  

  

• Feeling grateful this season for the awesome friend I have in you.
  

  

• You light up my life like a X-mas tree. I am grateful to be your friend.
  

  

• The true meaning of the season is remembering special people like you.
  

  

• Your friendship and your love is the best Xtmas gift that I’ve gotten.
  

  

• Friends like you are as magical as the holiday spirit and as rare as Santa sightings.
  

  

• Holidays are so much more special when they are celebrated with important friends like you.
  

  

• Even more than X-mas decorations, friends are what really light up my life. You brighten my day and many other days of the year as well.
  

  

Joy, Hope and Peace

• Merry Xmas to the best friend ever. Santa knew just what I wanted when he brought you into my life.
  

  

• Friend. I hope your Christmas is full of love and eggnog and laughter and cookies.
  

  

• The beauty of the Christmas season is that it can remind us of all the beauty in life that we take for granted: our family, our friends, and our faith.
  

  

• It is friends like you that make this season so special and magical.
  

  

• This year I have been so grateful for your friendship — thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life.
  

  

• I hope your holiday season is filled with laughter, silliness, and many fond memories. Looking forward to spending another year in friendship with you.
  

  

• As the year ends, I’m reminded of how much your friendship has meant to me this past year. Thank you so much for being a great friend.
  

  

• I am so thankful for having you as such a special and unique friend — I hope your holiday season is just as awesome as you are.
  

  

Tip: In addition to using these Christmas card messages for notes, consider some for photo caption on Instagram and Facebook.

Short Christmas Card Messages

• Wishing you all the best that a holiday could offer.
  

  

• Season’s Greetings from the family. Hope you all end the year on a bright note.
  

  

• May our bonds become stronger in the new season and may we walk the path of prosperity.
  

  

• May your fire be warm and your home be bright.
  

  

• Xmas is the time to spread joy and glee. I do it by extending my wishes to you.
  

  

• Let happiness surround you this season. May the festival bring you lots of joy.
  

  

• Decorate your porch for Santa is coming to your home to wish you the best this season.
  

  

• May your Xmas season be filled with joy and light.
  

  

Good Cheer – Christmas Card Messages

• May Santa bring you the gifts you want and may you never take your blessings for granted. Be thankful this season. Happy holiday wishes to you.

• I’d send you peace, love, and joy in an envelope if I could.

• May your home be always filled with laughter and happiness.
  

  

• Wishing you a joyous holiday season from the depth of my heart. May the new season bring good fortune for you.
  

  

• Deck the halls with boughs of holly surround yourself with those who are jolly and have a wonderful new year.
  

  

• Bid adieu to all your worries because it’s time to rejoice.
  

  

• May your fire be warm. Your chocolate be hot.
  

  

• I wish you and your family all the best. Enjoy like there is no tomorrow.
  

  

• The holiday season is here. It is time to decorate the tree and indulge in festivities.
  

  

• May the magic of the holiday season stay with you all year long.
  

  

• Before the church bells ring, before the holy star appears, before networks get jammed, let me wish you the best this season.
  

  

• Sending you and your family warmest wishes this season and hope the new year is the most special for you.
  

  

• Whether or not you’re walking in a Winter Wonderland, have a wonderful holiday season.
  

  

• From miles away, no matter how far we are, the warmth of the season will bring us closer together. May you have a wonderful holiday.
  

  

Best Christmas Greetings Meme

You are on Christmas Card Messages, Sayings and Ideas page.

Further Reading

Xmas Card Messages

Xmas Quotations for Holiday Cheer

More Holiday Wishes and Greetings

Noel Puns and One Liners

College Students: Gifts for Xmas

The Xmas Card Tradition

Buddy the Elf Lines

Happy New Year Greetings

X-mas Jokes

Funny Xmas Quotes

All the Anxiety Quotes in this world can never come close to the suffering that people with this condition have to go through. A condition that is so diverse and complicated, it is marked by nervousness, worry, fear, stress, and depression. It takes you into a world from where there seems to be no way out. Whatever may cause it, it takes an immeasurable amount of effort and courage to make your life normal again.

Whether you are suffering from stress and anxiety yourself or it is a loved one, these quotes on anxiety emphasize the extremeness of this state. But that doesn’t mean that suffering from stress and depression has to be an endless journey. You can always improve your life by overcoming these feelings.

Quotes about Anxiety

You can never become a great man or woman until you have overcome anxiety, worry, and fear.
Wallace D. Wattles

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.
Aesop

To each of man’s ages the Lord gives its own anxieties.
Paulo Coelho

To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.
Boyd K. Packer

Anxious Quote Meme

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
Ann Brashares

The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Trying to be a perfectionist bring increased stress and hinders performance.
T. Whitmore

I get nervous when I don’t get nervous.
Beyonce Knowles – see more Beyonce Quotes

Each moment of worry, anxiety or stress represents lack of faith in miracles, for they never cease.
T.F. Hodge

Depression and Anxiety Quotes

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
Sren Kierkegaard

My anxiety doesn’t come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it.
Hugh Prather

The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness.
Alain de Botton

If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.
Amit Ray

Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.
Jodi Picoult

Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.
Anais Nin

Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.
T. S. Eliot

Depressed

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
Henry Ward Beecher

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin

What else does anxiety about the future bring you but sorrow upon sorrow?
Thomas a Kempis

Anxiety is the mark of spiritual insecurity.
Thomas Merton

The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable.
Seneca the Younger

A warrior of the light…never confuses tension with anxiety.
Paulo Coelho

You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.
Dan Millman

Anxiety and depression are the price you pay for a well-lived life.
George Vaillant

Anxiety Image

Social Anxiety Quotations

We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think about us if we knew how seldom they do.
Olin Miller

The shy and the extroverted have this in common – that they both fancy they are the center of attention.
Robert Breault

Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are.
Stefan Molyneux

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.
Henry Ford

Without anxiety and illness I should have been like a ship without a rudder.
Edvard Munch

Fear, anxiety and neurosis: that’s just in the suitcase when you’re an actor.
Laura Linney

At some stages of your life you will deal with things and at others you are overwhelmed with misery and anxiety.
Nigella Lawson

The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.
Unknown

We are always doing something to cover up our basic existential anxiety.
Joko Beck

The fear of being laughed at makes cowards of us all.
Mignon McLaughlin

Anxiety is the beginning of conscience, which is the parent of the soul but is not compatible with innocence.
Angela Carter

Stressed Out Sayings

The only Pressure I’m under is the pressure I’ve put on myself.
Mark Messier

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.
Sydney J. Harris

Much of the stress people encounter is derived from dishonesty. People first lie to themselves and then to others.
David DeNotaris

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
Bertrand Russell

In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.
Lee Iacocca

I get irritated, nervous, very tense or stressed, but never bored.
Catherine Deneuve

There is more to life than increasing its speed.
Mahatma Gandhi

When you find yourself stressed, ask yourself one question: Will this matter in 5 years from now? If yes, then do something about the situation. If no, then let it go.
Catherine Pulsifer

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
Ovid

Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response to what happens. And response is something we can choose.
Maureen Killoran

Stress is caused by being here but wanting to be there.
Eckhart Tolle

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Marcus Aurelius

If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.
Dean Smith

Nervous Quotes

Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.
Samuel Butler

Being nervous is not something you should be ashamed of. Nervous means you care, you really want to do well.
Paula Creamer

A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Alexander Hamilton

Being nervous isn’t bad. It just means something important is happening.
Michael Jordan

The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.
Shana Alexander

Nervousness always provokes mistakes, and mistakes lead to easy convictions.
S.R. Ford

Don’t try to be what you’re not. If you’re nervous, be nervous. If you’re shy, be shy. It’s cute.
Adriana Lima

The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.
Shana Alexander

When you feel nervous, recall your pride.
Toba Beta

Sometimes when you’re just thrown into something, you are more ready for it than when you have time to think it over and get nervous about it.
Lara Flynn Boyle

If you’re not nervous then you’re not paying attention.
Miles Davis

A nervous silence loosens tongues.
Jacqueline Carey

Butterflies in your stomach. More like killer bees.
Kami Garcia

If you’re not nervous, it means you don’t care.
Tiger Woods

Tip: These anxiety quotes can make a nice addition to a greeting card to pick up a friend’s spirits.

Fighting Depression

Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries.
Astrid Alauda

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.
David Mamet

Once you choose hope, anything is possible.
Christopher Reeve

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.
Frank A. Clark

I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.
Wayne Dyer

The way to secure success is to be more anxious about obtaining than about deserving it.
William Hazlitt

Release all the anxiety that keeps you from moving ahead. Keep breathing it out and letting it go.
Judith Orloff

Smile, breathe, and go slowly.
Thich Nhat Hanh

It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.
Bruce Lee

Never let life’s hardships disturb you … no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages.
Nichiren Daishonen

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller

A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.
Joyce Meyer

Fighting Stress Image

Stress and Anxiety Quotes

It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.
Hans Selye

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes everything is an emergency.
Natalie Goldberg

There are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality.
Seneca the Younger

Nothing is worth your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety and fear.
Steve Maraboli

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Arthur Somers Roche

Feeling Anxious

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
Thich Nhat Hanh

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
William James

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
Epicurus

Anxiety destroys scale, and suffering makes us lose perspective.
Saul Bellow

No point is stressing over something you can’t change. Move on & grow stronger.
Unknown

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.
Charles Spurgeon

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
Chinese Proverb

Much of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they’ve started.
David Allen

In the anxiety to get beautiful color harmony do not exhaust all combinations on one canvas.
John F. Carlson

###

Etcetera

You’re on Anxiety Quotes.

You might like:

Caring Quotations

Kindness Sayings

These jokes for kids are so funny, they’ll make grownups crack up, too. We all know that one of the easiest ways to make children smile is to tell a silly or funny joke. The rejuvenative powers of laughter not only makes you feel good but it can also benefit kids, as it impacts both their emotional and physical health. When you’re stuck on a long car ride or you just feel like having some good wholesome fun together at home. So, here is our giant list your kids to take turns reading and laughing out loud.

Funny Kid Jokes

To help you maintain your sanity and keep your kids amused, these rib-ticklers are sure to please the whole family. After reading through and picking your favorites, you can even try and make some of your own!

Hilarious Groaners

What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park your car, man.

What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots too?

What is a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer.

How do you close an envelope under water?
With a seal.

Knee-Slappers

What animal always breaks the law?
A cheetah.

Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A taxi driver.

Why don’t cars play football?
Because they only have one boot.

What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.

What do you call a dog in your toilet?
A poodle.

What the same size and shape of an elephant and weighs nothing?
His shadow.

What do elephants have that no other animal does?
Baby elephants.

Why is tennis such a loud game?
Because each player raises a racquet.

Knock-Knock Jokes

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Noah.
M: Noah who?
Noah good place to get something to eat?

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Luke.
M: Luke who?
Luke through the peephole and you’ll see.

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sadie.
M: Sadie who?
Sadie magic word and I’ll disappear.

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Justin.
M: Justin who?
Justin time for dinner.

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Claire.
M: Claire who?
Claire the way, I’m coming through.

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mikey.
M: Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole, let me in.

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
M: Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?

T: Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
M: Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.

Good Ones

What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.

What is a cat’s favorite color?
Purrr-ple.

How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.

What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy.

Why did Charlie go out with a prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.

Wisecracks

What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner’s on me.

What do you call a dinosaur when it’s asleep?
A dino-snore.

How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.

Why are fish so smart?
Because fish live in schools.

What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.

How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

What is a computer’s favorite snack?
Computer chips.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.

Silly But Smart

What do cows read?
Cattle-logs.

What does a spider’s bride wear?
A webbing dress.

Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-o.

What letters are not in the alphabet?
The ones in the mail.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It just wasn’t peeling well.

What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style?
Hip-hop.

Check out: Awesome, Challenging Riddles.

Jokes for Kids Meme

Corny Jokes For Kids

How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.

What do you call a smart group of trees?
A brainforest.

What did one horse say to the other at the dance?
You mustang-o with me.

What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What makes the calendar look so popular?
It has so many dates.

What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on.

Why was the broom late?
It over swept.

How do you know if a vampire has a cold?
She starts coffin.

What did the horse say when it fell?
I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup.

What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I’m coming down with something.

More Corny Jokes and Memes.

Animal Jokes

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Build a sty-scraper.

What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
An udder failure.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.

Where did the sheep go on vacation?
The baaaahamas.

What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crookodile.

What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A watchdog.

When is a well dressed lion like a weed?
When he’s a dandelion.

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
Pleased to eat you.

Tip: These jokes for kids are great additions to lunch bags. Just write ’em out on post-it notes.

For Children

Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
They woke him up.

Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?
All those fans.

What did one egg say to the other?
You crack me up.

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.

Why did the tree get a computer?
To log on.

What do porcupines say when they kiss?
Ouch.

When is a baseball player like a spider?
When he catches a fly.

How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.

Where does a polar bear keep his money?
A snow bank.

Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
Lack of concentration.

What did one tonsil say to the other?
Better get dressed, the doc’s taking us out tonight.

Jokes For Toddlers

What is black and white and goes round and round?
A penguin in a tumble dryer.

What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.

What wobbles in the sky?
A Jelly-copter.

What’s a monster’s favourite game?
swallow the leader.

What animal is always lost?
A where wolf.

What has four legs but never runs?
A chair.

What do you with a sick wasp?
Bring it to waspital.

Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.

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Etcetera

You’re on our Jokes for Kids page.

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