Bad dad jokes can literally make everyone in the audience’s eyes roll. The attempts at humor are either not funny or painfully obvious. Either way, they can be a direct attack on the comedic universe.
On one hand, you’re kind of rooting for them to work, but on the other hand, you’re kind of cringing when they come out of your father’s mouth.
Fathers don’t want to tell a bad joke, but somehow, they just can’t help themselves. It’s the dad’s instinct to embarrass their children if just for a small chortle.
Sometimes you have to try not to laugh, but in this case, that shouldn’t be a problem. Yes, they’re corny, and the happy delivery helps make them even more wholesome and cute. When a dad smiles broadly and says, “When is a door not a door,” and follows up with the punchline “When it’s ajar.”
You can’t help but smile a little bit. But, you’re also probably thinking that your father is using up a lot of goodwill that he’s earned through the years. Have fun reading and telling these serious stinkers.
Really Bad Dad Jokes
1.) Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy.
2.) What do you do when a sink is knocking at your door? You let that sink in.
3.) A horse goes into a bar and the bartender says, “why such a long face?”
4.) Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
5.) Did you hear about the venomous snake that died? It bit itself on the tongue.
6.) What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
7.) Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
8.) A plumber was killed, he went down the drain.
9.) Did you hear about the new movie “Constipation?” No? Well, probably because it hasn’t come out yet.
10.) What is the difference between two and three? One.
11.) My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
12.) Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.
13.) If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?
14.) What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
15.) If you die before someone else, does that mean you’ve beaten them to death?
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Messed Up Jokes
16.) A man tried to sell his guitar collection, but he couldn’t. Too many strings attached.
17.) Why was the broom late for the meeting? It over swept.
18.) What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
19.) Did you hear the joke about the king? It ruled.
20.) I had to get rid of my vacuum, all it was doing was collecting dust.
21.) What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tune a fish.
22.) The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. To say the least, it was tense.
23.) What did the spicy tuna sushi A say to the yellowtail sushi B? Wasa-bi.
24.) My uncle Jim named his dogs Rolex and Timex, They’re his watchdogs.
25.) Why do vampires believe anything you tell them? Because they’re just suckers.
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Dad Joke of the Day
26.) A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here,” replies the bartender. So, the ham sandwich walked out of the bar.
27.) Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
28.) What do you call a mac n’ cheese that is standing in your personal space? Too close for comfort food.
29.) Where do cows go on a first date? To the moovies.
30.) What type of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
31.) What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
32.) Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.
33.) I like telling dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.
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Clean Dad Jokes
34.) What is a cannibal’s first choice in a restaurant? The waiter.
35.) When boats get sick, they go to the dock.
36.) The dyslexic dog thought he was God.
37.) When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
38.) Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
39.) What kind of clothes does a house wear? Address!
40.) Why do ghosts love elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
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We’ve all heard them, the well-worn pun, the ditzy set-up, and the horrible punch line. The overall effect puts us in that “here we go again” mode. Every well-meaning dad has a bunch of these bad one-liners tucked in the crevices of his mind, ready to be marched out at a moment’s notice. We’ve jotted down some of the best of the bad.
41.) At a Halloween party, a witch rolled her eyes at a vampire. He just rolled them back.
42.) What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? “Oh sheet!”
43.) A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar. The judge asked her, “Are you a first offender?” She replied, “No, first with a Rickenbacker, then with a Fender.”
44.) What do you call a wizard that has run out of spells? A was-ard.
45.) You can trust people with big butts, they cannot lie.
46.) Why did the golfer change his socks? Because he got a hole in one.
47.) What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too young to be smoking.
48.) Where do Volkswagens go when they get old? The old Volks home.
49.) What do you call someone who never passes gas in public? A private tutor.
50.) Spring is here, I got so excited I wet my plants.
51.) I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me dad.
52.) What did one dish say to the other dish? “Dinner is on me.”
Hilarious Dad Jokes
53.) My friend got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
54.) What kind of farm grows bad dad jokes? Corny.
55.) Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
56.) How do you create a space-themed party? You planet.
57.) What did the lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit.
58.) I’m not a big fan of stairs, they’re always up to something.
Funny Bad Jokes from Fathers
Sometimes a bad dad joke can be like scraping your fingernails on a chalkboard. You know you are going to have to listen until the end and that could mean suffering through a bouncy set-up that ends with a bad punch line. It’s like being waterboarded, you just want it to stop. You can read these or put on a blindfold now, it’s your choice.
59.) There’s a guy I know who’s spreading a rumor about butter.
60.) Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long.
61.) Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers!
62.) What did one bean say to the other bean? How you bean?
63.) An empty jar of Cheez Wiz™ is called Cheese Was.
64.) I was sitting in traffic the other day, probably why I got run over.
65.) Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she kept running from the ball.
66.) What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
67.) Diarrhea runs in our family. It’s in our jeans.
Cheesy and Corny
68.) Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
69.) I might have an open casket funeral…remains to be seen.
70.) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
71.) A farmer calling for his tractor. “Here tractor, tractor, tractor, here tractor, tractor, tractor.”
72.) Dry erase boards are remarkable.
73.) Did you hear the dad joke about the grape that got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
74.) My mom is frustrated with my sense of direction. So, I packed up my things and right.
75.) How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
76.) If your kid refuses to sleep during nap time, can they be charged with resisting a rest?
77.) I’m reading a book on anti-gravity… it’s impossible to put down.
78.) What do you call birds who all stick together? Vel-crows.
79.) I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it’s only mild.
80.) My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
81.) I told my doctor it hurts when I do this. He said, “don’t do that.”
82.) What did the finger say to the thumb? “I’m in glove with you.”
83.) Why wouldn’t the lobster share his toys? Because he was shellfish.
84.) Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
85.) What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.
Where Did Dad Jokes Come From?
No one is sure exactly who first started telling dad jokes, but the theory goes that it started in the middle ages when kings would sit down their princely sons and tell jokes to try and cheer them up. Actually, the very first time the term “dad joke” was used on the internet was 2003.
It received the ubiquitous Urban Dictionary definition, but it really didn’t gain some notice until 2013 where it became a common search term, and people embraced its usage and it was all over the media. President Obama used dad jokes often (to the chagrin of Sasha, Malia, and Michelle) including when pardoning the turkey for Thanksgiving.
Although it seems that dad jokes are a relatively new phenomenon, they were mentioned in 1987 by author Jim Kalbaugh in the Gettysburg Times as a specific genre of jokes. It is very hard to say when the first dad joke was told and by whom, however, dad jokes have been around for a long time in one form or another.
Bad dad jokes may have hit their peak of popularity, but it’s a sure bet that they were being told in the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s as well. Dad jokes rely on wordplay, puns, and tricky punchlines that seem to come out of nowhere. These are all tactics that Shakespeare used in his plays. A well-prepared dad has a bunch of dad jokes up his sleeve. They could be good jokes, or they could be bad jokes. But they’re all designed to make you guffaw and groan.
What makes a Dad joke?
When is a dad joke a dad joke? When it’s apparent! (Bam! We hit you with a dad joke when you’re not ready.)
Some bad dad jokes can actually be funny. But a truly bad dad joke can actually be painful as well. Sure, some of them are cheesy and some of them feature bad puns, but the jokes, for the most part, are harmless and well-intentioned. Told with gusto the joke might get a laugh but don’t bet on it.
The bad dad jokes we’ve assembled here are truly the bottom of the joke barrel. The kind of jokes that dads love to tell just to see the grimaces on their loved ones’ faces. So, sit back, have fun, and toss caution to the wind as you enjoy these bad dad jokes.
— Tim Moodie
Tim Moodie is a proud Dad. Early in his career as a freelance writer, he ghostwrote jokes for a book author who would tell them on her promotional book tours. Tim is a Copywriter and Creative Director.
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